Pride of Ice
by thegoldentouch
Summary: His Father's imprisonment could be the end or the beginning for Draco Malfoy. [Unedited, poor grammar, cheap angst. You have been warned.]
1. Mirror Mirror

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter One: Mirror Mirror  
By Cathy-Bloom

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, in fact i'm awfully poor, something that Rowling-sama isn't anymore. -.-;; The title comes from the translation of the song, 'Koori-tachi no PURAIDO' from Fushigi Yuugi, which i don't happen to own either, any lyrics from here on in, do not belong to me as i'm not very musically talented  


I leaned heavily against the cool porcelain, my hands clenching the sink so hard that my knuckles were turning white. The ornamental mirror overtop of the sink showing someone that i barely recognised anymore.

In the past fourty eight hours i seem to have grown up a lot, staring at my own pale reflection, i can still hear my mothers desperate sobbing echoing inside my head, my silverblond hair, usually well tamed and slick, is a mess, it sticks out at odd angles now, kind of like Potter's does.

Yeah, i bet Potters laughing now i mutter darkly at my reflection, my grey eyes seem distant, bloodshot from lack of sleep, the dark circles around them giving me a haunted, sad sort of appearance i've never seen before. 

Imagining Potter and his friends amusement, it resurfaces the dull heaviness in my stomach again, strange that, i haven't eaten since the owl from the ministry came after Fathers trial. Mother hadn't been up to leaving the house to watch and i quite frankly hadn't wanted to. So that leaves me, for the second day since he was sent to Azkaban, disgracing the family name, _my _name, standing, talking to myself in the bloody mirror.

Raising a hand to attempt to brush my hair off of my face i find myself stopping, Fathers constant nagging in my head,_ 'Get your bloody hair off of your face, you're a Malfoy, not some common lowlife who doesn't own a comb!'._

I draw my hand away from my face with another sigh, my reflection showing someone so unlike the usual me it was startling, the face in the mirror looked frightened, lonely and desperate, none of which traits i usually possess. I can feel my shoulders shaking as anger boils deep in my blood.

_He _did this to me, the ruddy bastard of a father, who so often told me i was pure-blooded, that i was_ better _then the others. It was always, '_You're a pure-blood, You should be ashamed some filthy Mud-blood is beating you in your classes, Have you no pride boy?', _or it was, _'Potter? You let _**_that _**_beat you at Quidditch again? You are a Malfoy! Malfoy's don't get beaten by nasty little common-blooded pieces of trash, do you understand?'._

The anger welled up in my chest, the reflection staring back at me showed none of the anger i knew was coursing through my veins, hollow shadowed grey eyes staring back at me from a to-pale face, my bare chest was quivering as i clutched the sink, Where did your _Pride_ get you father!, i hear myself spit out.

Where did your _Pure-Blood_ land you!, my own voice seems to be gaining strength, it's ringing in my ears.. Grovelling at the feet of your _Master! _Where did your _good breeding _lead you? Straight into bloody Azkaban! Thats where Father!.

I took several pained breaths as emotions raged in my brain, in my chest my heart felt ready to explode it was so heavy, yet still hollow cold grey eyes met my own in the mirror, You disgraced us all! The entire Wizarding World thinks we are dirt! We are no better then the mud-bloods you hate so much Father! Look what you've done to _me_!.

My entire bodies trembling as i try to cling to the porcelain for support, i know i'm being to loud, i can hear someone scurrying up the hallway to see what the fuss is about, but i can't stop. My last words are still echoing in the vast ensuite from my chambers, Look what you did to me Father! Even now when i look in the mirror... my cold hollow eyes seem to falter and limp blonde hair sways in my face.

When i look in the mirror, I see _you_ Father! I don't want to see _you! _I don't want to be like _you! _A worthless _slave _chained to his master, unable to show what you really feel because you're _afraid_! I don't want to be like _that_! No more father! I've had enough of being _your _puppet, I'm breaking my chains right now! the hollow grey eyes are staring back at me mockingly as i pour my soul out, just like his.

My hand is shaking as i raise it, i never realised just how delicate or frail i am, without another thought my hand has collided with the mirror, as it shatters excruciating pain rushes down my arm, scarlet blood blossoming over my fingers.

That's when i feel it, the warm stinging in my eye as something warm trails down my cold pale face, followed by another, then another, staring at the shattered mirror i reach a bleeding hand to touch the tear unsurely.

Am i crying? i ask myself, my voice is hoarse and unsure as blood from my hand mingles with the tear and smears my much-to-pale face, then i look up and meet my eyes, such a difference i haven't seen since i first looked into the mirror, they are brimmed with tears which are spilling down my face at an alarming rate, no longer do they look cold and mocking like Fathers, I _am _Crying i mumble out in somewhat surprise.

I don't know why, but the feeling in my heart seems to have exploded, im on the floor now, pieces of the mirror cutting into my bare skin as my body convulses on the ground with the wracking sobs that have come with the explosion, never have i cried before, now that i've started, i don't think i can stop.

It's not long enough before the maid appears, a middle-aged witch by the name of Joanne. She gasps and begins to shriek about something i can't quite make out, i'm feeling rather lightheaded now, perhaps it's to do with the pools of blood at my side.

Fathers voice insists in my head, '_Stop crying you dispicable brat, you are not some snivelling filthy little muggle-child'. _I banish the voice with an angry snarl of, I'll do what i want, this seems to startle Joanne, she is trying to pull me to my feet, carefully avoiding the large amounts of blood that's pooled at my side. 

She tugs on my uninjured hand yet i pull away from her automatically, the stupid girl had no idea. She's drawn her wand now, finding myself miraculously floating, now i can hear my blood splatter as it hits the tiled floor, my heads buzzing with the miraculous sensation that's making me grin like an idiot while tears stream down my face.

She believes i'm insane already i think, as she fixes the mirror with an almost bored wave of her wand and mutter of, '_Reparo_'. She reaches for a cupboard beneath the sink and wrenches it open, removing a booklet with St Mungos Hospital's crest on it i realise she's probably going to heal me. Right now it doesn't bother me, my head feels remarkably fuzzy.

She seems to have found what she was looking for because she's rising her wand and muttering something that escapes my hearing, bandages appear from nowhere and begin to wrap around the collection of scratches all over my bare chest, the roll of bandages concentrates on my hand for a long time carefully winding it's way between my fingers.

More then a little unnerved by my appearance i guess she turns away and casts her wand toward the broom closet as a bandage winds around my forehead, stemming the flow of blood from the cut above my right eye.

I watch a mop as it floats eerily from the cupboard before begginning to mop up the blood, she then allows her levitating charm to break and i've landed heavily on my back. I watch her shoes appear in my vision before my mind deciphers she's telling me to stand, not even Joanne the cleaning maid can stand the sight of me now.

I manage to clamber to my feet, staring unseeingly at the door, with mostly exasperation i suspect she whips it open and shoves me, a little harder then she probably should have, straight through it, stumbling stupidly i walk, uncomprehending what she's saying, to sit on my bed, flexing my bandaged hand as her voice buzzes in my ears.

I catch my mothers name amongst her jumble of uncomprehensible words, irritated by me she jabs a finger at the magical calendar on the wall, quite clearly reading in vibrant green lumionous letters, 'August 29th' my mind suddenly seemed to adjust.

I was leaving for Hogwarts in three days, that was what she had been rambling about, i hadn't even gone to Diagon Alley to get my school stuff. The thought of returning to Hogwarts was not pleasant, i wasn't looking forward to Potter, Weasley and Grangers smug laughter behind my back. I glance up to see Joanne had left, having grown sick of my ignoring her.

I lay back on my bed, staring up at the deep green hangings that surround my bed, something felt so empty now as my mind drifted toward the things that used to make me happy, putting Potter Weasley and the Mudblood down, trying to get the half-breed fired.

It all seemed to empty, so worthless, like something my father would have relished in. Somehow that thought makes everything all the more meaningless, it makes me think it was all very shallow and pathetic indeed, like he is.

Arrogant, confident, two words often used to describe me, and, now it makes me feel sick, those two words so often associated with my Father, had been used to describe me. When i think of every snide comment, jeer, it makes me feel like i'm some sort of experiment concocted by me father, i want to do something, anything to prove i'm not like him, but it's been sixteen years in the making, and as they always say, Old Habits Die Hard.

  

    
    _nani ga hoshii? sore wo ubatte yaru kara _
    _nani ga daiji? subete kowashite yaru kara_
    _doko e yuku no? michi wo fusaide yaru kara_
    _nani wo suru no? muda to muimi
    sore kara..._

_(Translation)= What do you want?'Cuz i'll snatch it away.  
What's precious to you? 'Cuz i'll destroy it all.  
Where are you going? 'Cuz i'll block your way.  
What will you do? It's futile and meaningless  
And so on..._

If you liked it, go ahead and Review, if you've got suggestions for improvement, go ahead and review, if you just wanna tell me how bad i sucked, go ahead and review, Ahh go on, Ya will ^^;;...er to much Father Ted for me.


	2. Grey Sky Morning

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Two: Grey Sky Morning  
By Cathy-Bloom

The grey sky outside mirrors what i'm feeling right now, the writhing mass looks as I imagine the turmoil of pent up anger is, my fist, now swollen painfully beneath the bandages, has soaked the crisp bandages in crimson blood.

I can feel dry trails of bloods that have escaped the heavy gauze wrapped around my forehead, a dull throbbing is striking behind my eyes, it feels like somones slugging me in the head with a sledgehammer repeatedly. The pain in my head, compares nothing to the excruciating pain in someplace deep in my chest, it's that one constant that I can't rid myself of.

My heart feels so heavy i'm surprised it hasn't dropped right through my stomach by now. A nauseating swell swishes in my stomach and I stumble forwards, clumsily tripping and landing on my hands and knees. Completely against my will my mouth begins to salivate as my head spins from the roar of nausea that's rolling through my body. Suddenly i'm gagging up a foul strangely blue liquid all over my carpet.

The foul stench that escapes from this is nothing to the acrid taste in my mouth, my stomach and chest feel like they've caught aflame. Clutching at my stomach I hastily wide the residue from my mouth, a disgusted moan escaping my lips.

My legs are shaking uncontrollably, I can't even stand up right now. My hand feels like it's going to explode, it must be infected, that wouldn't surprise me, Joanne wasn't exactly thorough or careful when she strapped it, from the soggy feel of the bandages around my head I guess the wound up there never really stopped bleeding.

My skin seems even more dreadfully pale in my eyes, it looks almost like milk. Shuddering I tilt my head to look up at the luminous green letters proclaiming, 'August Thirtieth', in much smaller writing it had announced, "Get your lazy ass to Diagon Alley!".

Sighing to myself I decided to try my legs again, ignoring the putrid smell coming from the dark patch in my carpet I drag myself awkwardly to my feet. "Look at yourself..Your an emotional wreck Malfoy..no...Draco. The less you have in common with him the better", berating myself I sway unsteadily on my feet, carefully making my way toward the door to my ensuite I stare with almost fascination as the bandage around my hand begins to drip blood over the bathroom tiles.

It is mesmerizing, I watch the crimson drops slowly fall through the air in almost slow motion. As I walk on shaky legs I can feel newly formed scabs breaking, more blood flowing from the 'mirror wounds'.

Soon the bandage around my hand is completely crimson, begginning to drip with the liquid, as the blood pools on the tiles, I walk to stand before the mirror, leaving a trail behind me.

The restored mirror stares down at me almost mockingly, as silent as it had been last night, it gives me an imperious snort, "Punch me will you?" it wheezes pompuously down at me, a sense of irony dawns on me, "Even my bloody Mirror hates me... Is this what you wanted Father? Did you want me to be hated like you were? Is this revenge..?".

The mirror sniffs and proceeds to ignore me as I stare into it, if possible, I look even worse then I did last night. Almost vampiric in appearance, my skin is a waxen white and seems stretched, the dark circles around my eyes making them appear sunken and hollow.

The heavy bandaging, does nothing for my appearance, making me look more like some walking corpse. The splitting headache that's echoing in my head is driving me slowly insane. My chest feeling like some giant cavity, like someones come along and scooped out all the mattered, the crying of last night seems to have left me devoid of any emotion, I can only feel pain and hurt, dispair that echoes in my head as I cry out for some sort of solace.

I hear a knock on the door to my chambers before it opens, voices drifting to my ears as I stare into the hollow dead of my reflections eyes, lost..lonely little boy..that's all I can see.

"Mister Malfoy should be right here of course, hasn't left his room since we got the owl..Oh dear..perhaps he isn't feeling well..", Joannes voice has a tone of false sincerity that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, the second voice makes me clutch at the basin for support. "Perhaps I should come back later? no doubt he'll want to ..", I shuffle toward the door pushing it slowly open.

I stand, barechested, covered in bloodied bandages, staring at a wide-eyed buffoon who calls himself Minister of Magic. "Good..Good Lord boy! What on earth happened to you?". His voice is astounded, filled with undeniable horror.

I open my mouth, my tongue, moving soundlessly in a dry mouth. "Well?" he turned toward Joanne who was rubbing at her temples, I hear my voice rasp out, rather rudely might I add, "What do you think?", bland. My voice no longer seems to have any soul behind it, a dull monotone, devoid of emotion..

Cornelius Fudge shifts nervously before me, "P-perhaps you should see a doctor.." he stutters, he's unnerved by my appearance, I can tell. He's looking at the ground...cieling..Joanne..the walls...anything so he doesn't have to look at me. A hollow ache begins to thud in my chest like a drum, "I wanted to see how you're coping, terrible business this, terrible business.." surprisingly the last thing I expect is bubbling up my throat.

The laugh comes out as a dry rasp, it soon turns into an eery desperate hacking that barely resembles laughter at all. Fudge thinks i'm off my rocker, him and Joanne are looking at each other. "C-coping?", for some reason my voice is contorted, high and shrill, a pounding is thudding in my head as my pulse begins to race. Unfamiliar prickling behind my eyes coming with these new developments, "H-how am I coping?", my voice is panicky eerily shrill between the laughter which is echoing off of the walls.

Fudge is backing away, he doesn't seem to want to know the answer to his question anymore. "I'm Fine! Perfect! Lifes a bloody riot!", my laughter is echoing inside my head now. "What the hell do you think?" I'm shrieking now, the sanest corner of my mind has retreated and irrational spoiled child takes over.

As the first tear rolls down my cheek my laughter reaches a new peak. Contorting from rasping laughter into hysterical sobs, another tear following the firsts path, "i'm brilliant.." i choke out and both Minister and Maid stare in the utmost bewilderment as a tortured howl escapes my cracked lips.

His eyes are roaming from my bandaged hand dripping blood all over th ecarper to my forehead and finally to my barechest, crisscrossed with layers of gauze and bloodied bandages. My chest is rising and falling sharply, in short painfully ragged breaths. "N-now Mister Malfor, just calm down.." he stutters.

"Why?" I hiss back demandingly, he seems taken aback, "Who makes the rules? Who said my Father could fuck over his families lives? I'll tell you, Nothings Fair. Lifes a Bitch and then you die right?", my breathing is irregular and painful.

Joanne and Cornelius Fudge stare back at me, twin appalled looks fixed on me, either from my language or believing me to be insane, by the look of it probably a bit of both. But as the rage quells and my pulse slackens all that's left are empty tears and that unbearably hollow ache.

I lean heavily against the door as tears leak down my face, my body trembling I stare down at my bandaged bloody hand. "When will you stop torturing me father..When can I be who I want to be?". It was barely more then a whisper, so i'm not sure if they can hear me, at present, I don't really care. They could be poledancing on my bed for all the attention i'm taking.

I shudder as I withdraw into myself again, slumping into a sitting positiong I cradle my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth in a soothing action, my face is wet with tears, their voices are dim and unimportant to me now, I can't distinguish what it is they're saying.

"Break them.." i'm whispering to myself again, "I already broke them..." my voice echoes back in my head, "Then why are you still in chains?", the strangest thing about all of this is that I can see them, dully weighing me down, binding me to a mirthless black shadow.

"They..They're my own?" my voice is filled with surprise, "Yes..", "I..? I chained myself..how..?", my words hang in the air, rolling through my mind before I answer myself, "everytime..I acted like he would..did something for him...i'm a prat!", my voice is so hoarse it's scary.

Fudge certainly seems to think so, he's backing away in the corner of my eye, muttering to himself. I turn slowly, marvelling at the fine cracks I can see appearing in the first link of the chain. I can see the light coming for me, some of my pain shrinking away into hiding along with the darkness. Like they say, It's not much, but it's a start.

_ai to iu no? motare atte-iru koto wo tomo to yobu no? kizu wo nadeau aite wo nagekanai no? midare kitte'ru sekai wo nani ga mitai? uso, uragiri sore kara..._

__

(Translation)= Do you call it love? When you can lean on something Do you call him a friend? The partner who eases your wounds Won't you grieve? For your shattered world What do you want to see? Lies, betrayal and so on... 

Hopefully that satisfied you lovely reviewers hunger for now, more coming soon after I manage to update some of my other ficcies, got some rather dangerous reviewers threatening the 'Or else' card on me. Not looking at anyone in particular or anything.. 


	3. Just Take Me Away

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Three: Just Take Me Away  
By Cathy-Bloom

*****

Strange, I never realised just how cold people can be. Perhaps that was because I myself was cold, following in fathers footsteps like some dog on a leash. Now, as I walk down a street that last year was filled with smiling faces, greeting me, bending to my every wish, I realise just how much respect came into play, they don't have to respect me now father, because of you they can treat me like one of those mudbloods you sneered at all the time.

I can feel their disgusted eyes follow me down the street, when I was in Flourish and Blotts several woman actually left when I entered, That's what you did to me father...you always did hold a lot of influence, and now you've gone a messed up everything I thought was true. 

I can hear a woman ranting behind me now, she and her friend are following me, saying overly loud just what they would do to anyone they knew were associated with deatheaters. I don't get it, I can't understand father, why did you let yourself become a slave to someone like him, someone he could toss away as soon as it came apparent that you were a liability, he let you be thrown into Azkaban, into disgrace.

He let you destroy your reputation, he shattered your beloved pride, why did you follow him? It puzzles me as I stumble blindly down the sidewalk, it's confusing me. All the people who only a year ago were smiling at me, pretending they actually cared can't give a damn now, people really are that shallow..

I think I saw Crabbe and Goyle back there, two people I thought I could call my friends, I guess I never knew what real friendship was. Solemnly I look up the road, it's frustrating, I can feel the burning inside my chest but I can't douse it, I can't do anything but let another tear slide silently down the too-pale skin of my face.

I reside to window shopping, gazing at the items stores have on displays never really seeing them. If someone asked me what I was looking at right now I wouldn't have a bloody clue, the odd person that isn't sneering with disgust at the mere sight of me, is gossiping behind my back at the large bandage wrapped around my head and hand, my pale appearance.

Well father, you got what you wanted, everyone knows who you really are now, your the doublecrosser...the torturer, no better then the barbarians you always said that the Muggles are. And I can finally say it, finally I can accept it, You disgust me.

Everything that you've taught me, cynical..racist bull shit that I ate up, I was proud to be your son father, proud because of the respect people gave you, It's all changed now, I can see the other side of your two-faced lies. You never spoke a word of truth to me father, and for that you will rot, unvisited in a prison of your own creation.

It was never Potter who was mixing with the wrong sort of people, it wasn't Weasley's family that lacked wizarding pride and it was never Granger who was the real problem at Hogwarts. It feels strange to realise it but it's true, I was the one with the moral crisis, I was a mere puppet on a string, being controlled by another Puppet.

Well father, you got what you deserve. I pause infront of the apocathery I usually go to, shaking my head I lift my chin high and push my way inside. Faint tinkling rings over my head and the apocathery glances up, looking at me for a second before he sneers, "You have a damn nerve showing your face here Draco Malfoy".

Nothing more then I expected, nothing I can't handle, nothing...

The first tear is prickling in my eye, Damnit...why am I so unpredictable.. I can't even control my own emotions, they're ruling over me in Fathers place.

You're a loser his voice echoes in my head and I wince involunteerily, You are nothing without me boy, remember that. My hands are shaking, curling into fists, my bandaged hand protesting with a furious flash of pain.

Wincing I lift it to inspect it, watching as the bandages slowly turn pink then red. The apothacery is staring at me, he must've said something because he's looking as though i'm crazy, that's quite a common thought these days it seems.

He's left his counter and is approaching me now, lifting his wand before shoving me forcefully toward the door, "Get out" he snarls, pulling the door open he shoves me through it, I find myself sprawled on the pavement, people are simply walking past, ignoring me as though I were just a bump in the concrete, someone even stands on my fingers as they stride past. 

A familiar voice grates on my nerves as it manages to reach over the sounds of the crowd, shaking slightly I push myself to my feet, ignoring the disgruntled mutters that surround me and Grangers squeal of surprise as she sees me, anyone would think I just appeared out of the pavement.

Potter and Weasley are looking at me strangely, brushing my robes off I ignore their gazes, more then anything I'm wishing I could just get away from this place. Weasley's said something, I can tell because he's looking at me expecting an answer, I can see him dragging something out of his pocket, a triumphant smile spreading across his lips as he shoves the crinkled piece of parchment toward Potter who reads it with interest before the same triumphant smile crosses his face.

Granger reads it last, skimming over the article quickly, an odd sort of smile resembling Potter and Weasleys crosses her feet as I continue to brush non-existant dust from my robes. Carefully tucking the bandage around my hand tighter from where it had started to come loose, they're staring at me now, as though my not replying was a sign of the apocalypse.

Turning on my heel I begin to walk away from them, as though i'd never seen them in the first place, I can hear Weasleys footsteps as he charges after me, I feel a heavy blow hit my shoulder and I near lose my balance again. Turning around to face him I can see Potter and Granger racing towards us, to help Weasley no doubt.

As I stare at the anger filled face, years upon years worth of anger raging in the red-heads formidable temper I can't stop myself. The laughters bubbling up my throat before I can stop it, Potters staring at me like I should be in an insane asylum. Who cares what they think, I just want to leave.

Someone, anyone just take me away. Take me away from this wretched place, filled with contempt and hate. Predjudice, pain, to many peoples suffering, someone release me from this place.

Ugly and Repulsive, the faces twisted with their hate for someone I am supposed to resemble. My laughters rising over the suddenly silent street, then Weasleys voice rises over top of my laughter, "What the hell are you laughing about!", he roars angrily, he's lost, all of them are.

Then his fist smashes into my face, Granger gasps and rushes forward to stop him, "No Ron, Don't!" she's yelling at him as she grabs his arm, Potters on his other side watching me with disgust evident on his face. "Let go of me" he's yelling now, I realise I'm still laughing, the sound is crazily high pitched, echoing through the air as Weasley wrestles her off his arm and lands another blow to my face.

The pain in somewhat welcome, Just take me away. My mind is bargaining with someone, anyone who would listen as another and another punch meets my face, chest, the wounds are begginning to bleed again, take me away.

Grangers screaming at him now, someones finally taken notice, it took Weasley's father to stop him, racing at full speed down the street toward me, my laughters turned into weak gurgles. Weasley's father grabs him and begins to drag him away, he's still struggling, trying to get at me, just take me away.

Granger has grabbed Potters arm and is dragging him toward where Weasley is still kicking and yelling for them to let him go. I don't remember when I fell on the ground again, but nobodys moving, noone wants to help the son of a deatheater.

It's another Weasley that eventually bursts through the ring of staring people, panting from the effort. I've never met this one, his bright red hair is long, pulled back in a ponytail. An earring hanging in one ear, he pauses looking from his struggling brother who is still yelling bloody murder at me.

Toward me, looking disgustingly pathetic on the ground. My now weak gurgling laugh comes to a finish as he nods to his father before striding toward me. Bracing myself with my hands I push myself into a sitting position, taking the chance to spit the copper taste from my mouth, red splatters the ground.

My face feels like it's been pounded with a meat tenderiser. He reaches me and kneels frowning, "Are you alright?" he asks before snorting, "Stupid question really" he chides himself before drawing out his wand, summoning up an icepack out of mid air.

He plucked it out of the air before passing it to me, raising an eyebrow I stare at his hand stupidly, he rolls his eyes and presses it to my swiftly swelling eye, the cold makes me shudder and I pull back from him. "Just hold still" he says as he once more presses it to my eye, "Why?", my voice is hoarse and it makes even me surprised.

He blinks at me, "Why what?" he replies calmly, "Why are you helping me.." I reply in a defeated voice and he lowers his eyes from where he'd been watching his father calm down Weasley, he looks at me through skeptical brown eyes, "because you're hurt" he replied I hiss with pain as he presses the icepack harder against my eye.

I can feel my skin getting tight and realise it's swelling, probably from how tender it feels It'll bruise too. His forehead is creased as he carefully presses my hand over the icepack before realeasing it. Once more he's summoning something from out of nowhere, another ice-pack.

He presses this one to my cheek, I can hear Weasley begginning to calm down. Potter is talking to him, Granger is adding her own attempts to soothe him. 

His father has a tight hold on his shoulders, holding him in place, Weasley must've filled out over the summer, he doesn't look as awkward, more powerful and tall.

Potters grown as well, he's still to skinny, but he's taller, and healthier looking. The other boy seems startled as I stand abruptly, a gruff word of thanks escaping my lips, "Thanks", he looks at me oddly as I turn and push my way through the surrounding crowds, they watch me with distaste as I lope off toward the Leaky Cauldron, I'll get Joanne to pick up the rest of my supplies, it seems that Diagon Alley isn't as friendly as it used to be.

_aa Seiryuu no kumo sora, nuritsukusu toki mou asu wa nai kako mo nai ima sae mo_

Baby baby _sono mama horobeba ii mujaki to iu tsumi wo seotte _Baby baby_ naraku ni shizunda nara shimiru hazu yo koori-tachi no PURAIDO_

(Translation)= Ah, The clouds of the blue dragon. When they finish painting the sky, there will be no more tomorrow, and no past either, or even the present. 

Baby baby You should perish the way you are, bearing the crime called innocence. Baby baby If you drowned in Hell, it would stain the pride of ice. 

*****

A/n: That took me ages to get out, I wrote about seven different versions of this chapter, I might actually get to Hogwarts soon..fun fun fun.


	4. More to Prove

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Four: More to Prove.  
By Cathy-Bloom

*****

A/N: Hey look i'm getting there, he's almost at Hogwarts, and it's about time I paid my respects to my ever-helpful reviewers. About the whole Grammar thing, it's awfully true. For the most part because i'm lazy, but I will work on it. As for all the questions, I'm not the type to divulge information ^_^;; However, if this turns to any pairings..it'll most likely be Yaoi/Slash whatever. . -coughs- A special prize to my longest reviewer Me with approximately 170 words who also takes the grand prize for the most reviews, Waiiii. Another special prize to my shortest reviewer Dragon Die with two words an a lil smily face. Special thanks to Libbydia for impeccable criticism and Cybele for an awfully sweet lil review which inspired me to get cracking on this chapter. Anywho, you aren't here to read a power-hungry authors ramblings so let's get onto the story ^^;;

*****

I'm standing on Platform 9¾. The other students blatantly ignoring me, I draw comfort from the silver Prefects badge pinned to my brand new Hogwarts robes. It signifies to me less ridicule, a compartment held for only the Prefects. The model students, however did I get to be one?

This question hands on the tip of my tongue as I pick up my heavy trunk. Straining with the effort I lug it toward the front of the train. The wound on my head had healed, leaving a nice pale scar. When I returned to the manor after my trip to Diagon Alley Joanne sent for a mediwizard.

He healed my head and the majority of injuries i'd suffered from the mirror and Weasley's fists. All i've got left to show for my troubles is a bandaged hand and a shiner. The mediwizard hadn't been up to healing my hand, I prefer to let it heal naturally anyway. To long have I used magic as a crutch.

I'm sweating as I shove the trunk under a seat, I blatantly ignore a Ravenclaw Prefect in the same manner that she does me. A mutual agreement of sorts. I resort to staring dully at my hands.

The compartment door opens again and she walks in. Granger, how could I have forgotten she was a prefect? After all I spent most of last year shooting down any ideas she gave at the Prefect meetings.

She sits beside the Ravenclaw and I add another to my blatantly-ignore-for-rest-of-trainride list. Soon the compartment is filled and i'm backed into a corner agains the window as the train rolls away from the station. I stare dully out the window and allow thoughts roam freely through my mind as the other prefects get involved in a game of Wizarding Chess.

Massaging my bandaged hand with the other I stare longingly out at the grey solitude. Cheers fill the compartment as another game is won by Terry Boot the Ravenclaw Prefect.

The grey still outside seems to hand over me, clouding my mind. I've noticed today my eyes are more grey then blue now, they resemble the weather. Joannes words to me as I left the manor resurface in my head, "You'll freeze someone to death with eyes like those".

Stupid words really. Didn't make a word of sense. All I know is that they've stuck with me. Now as I sit with supposedly maturest students Hogwarts has to offer I'm recieving the cold shoulder.

Some home this is. I haven't spoken a word to anyone yet and we're a good hour into the ride. I can tell already what a chipper year this is going to be. Finally i'm feeling the cold slap of fate. A good dose of what goes around comes around.

Now that i'm thinking about it, the only person I've really actually talked to without becoming irrational or blowing up at them is that Weasley...and of course myself. I don't suppose talking to myself counts though so i'll stick with the Weasley. Every other time i've spoken to someone else i've ignored them or blown up at them.

There was Joanne countless times, Fudge, the apocathery ((A/N: Mental block all of a sudden, Is it apocathery or Apothacery? o_O:;)) , the milkman and Weasley.

Throwing this aside I resume glaring darkly out the window, the other occupants of the compartment casting the odd glance at me as they change for Chess to Exploding Snap.

Fat raindrops begin to splatter the window and soon the air is thick with bucketing water. As it drums against the body of the train I watch. Mesemerized by the trails that run down the window pane.

My reflecting stares back at me out of the cool glass. I used to be considered handsome, I wonder how that's possible..? All I see is an ugly boy, filled with malice and hate..lost and alone.

Anger and pride course so freely through my veins. Predjudice and bitterness come with the family name. I don't wonder at how people so easily came to hate anything associated with the name 'Malfoy'.

"Malfoy!" the voice sounds in my ears. I finally look up. "Draco" I correct coldly. Grangers face filled with confusion clears and she shakes her head. "Whatever...the lunch trolleys here". I shake my head and turn to the window again, retreating into the exploration of the depths of my own shallow mind.

The trolleys been and gone, the other prefects have finished their food now and resumed their talking. The gaunt pale face watches me from the window, sullen and as cold as ice.

Rain continues to splatter down the window. Driven by a howling wind which picked up somewhere along the track, it seems hours since I left.

I don't think I can do it. Maybe I should go to Dumbledore and tell him. Drop out, go live in the muggle world as a nobody for the rest of my life.

Something kicks in stubbornly stating, no. Aah so I do possess a conscience, what a surprise. Where was it when I really needed it?

Who cares anymore..the entire Wizarding World wishes I would curl up and die somewhere.

Suddenly i'm thrown out of my seat. The other prefects are on alert. We aren't near the school yeat which means somethings desperately wrong. It's now that the screams are starting.

Darkness seems to cloud the air and I drag myself to my feet. I can feel the other Prefects nervousness radiating around me. Drawing my wand I march past them flinging the carriage door open before taking off at a loping run.

The screams are deafening now, fear seems to spread and carriages up the train start screaming louder. Somethings boarded the train. Amazing how quick my brain catches on certainly as my body knew it several minutes before hand.

Realisation slams me in the guts as my eyes meet the first masked face. He's trying to get further up the train, the compartments back here are sparsely populated. Angers bubbling violently in my chest and an uncontrollable rage takes over as I raise my wand to him.

He seems to notice me and is about to raise his wand before I snarl, "Stupefy". He keels over and I march forwards, stepping cruelly on his back as I pass him. Checking the compartments from right to left as I walk, I glimpse a group of second years crowding into one corner screaming as another black figure advances on through the door. "STUPEFY!" I roar and he slumps as the red light hits him.

I turn back into the corridor and find a third waiting. "Traitorous son of a bitch. Your father was loyal..". My anger skyrockets as he lifts his wand, I move with the speed of a gunfighter my trembling hands barely fixing on him as I snarl, "Petrificus Totalus".

Adrenalines pounding in my ears as he topples. His muffled anger apparent as a fourth and fifth appear behind him. They loom over me and a spark of realisation hits me, I'm going to die.

They begin to chuckle as they raise their wands to point upon me, level with my chest. And had the cry of 'Stupefy' not echoed from behind them, death would have consumed me.

I raise startled eyes upward and the person at my aid surprises me. A few more grey hairs, another few patches in his shabby robes but it was one and the same. Professor Lupin the Werewolf. His eyes surveyed the slumped bodies of the three death eaters littering the corridor behind me.

The other Prefects are moving now. Ducking in and out of compartments behind me, helping the wounded and scouting for more deatheaters. Lupin is gone as I continue down the train, another stunned deatheater is sprawled in the doorway of compartment. The screams have stopped now.

The other deatheaters have dissaparated, I begin shaking again as I continue down the train. No fatalities yet. Then I see Lupin again, he's grave as he floats a body out of a compartment.

I get a glimpse of his grey face and step back. It seems not all the Prefects were so lucky as me. Terry Boot is ashen and unmistakeably a victim of Avada Kedavra. I slump against a space in the corridor and sink to the floor.

The sobbing of hysterical first years echoes in my head as I watch Lupin rest Terry on the floor. I feel unmeasurably hollow. Lupins calming down the first years now, soothing them as best as he can. Anyone would think the mans a bloody saint.

He's leaving the compartment now that the first years are quiet. He stops upon seeing me before striding over. "Come along Mister Malfoy, the aurors will be here soon". "Draco" I reply sourly not budging from my position on the floor. He sends me a questioning look and I repeat, "Call me Draco".

He seems to contemplate my answer for a second or two before shaking his head in the same manner Granger had earlier. "Very well Draco, you don't want to be here when the aurors arrive".

When I don't move he grabs my arm and somehow pulls me to my feet. He begins to guide me toward the front of the train, occasionally stopping to reinforce a spell on any Deatheaters.

"It was lucky we stopped so many. Must've been new recruits, they only killed four". Professor Luping sighs loudly and I'm still being guided forcefully toward the Prefects compartment.

Passing the deatheaters that I stopped a brief inflation of satisfaction flickers in my chest before dying out. "We got quite a few of them, twelve more for Azkaban". I deflate rapidly at that one word and bitterness stainds my mouth.

The rest of the prefects have reassembled. All of them white as sheets. "Professor Lupin?" Granger gasps clutching a gash to her forehead as her eyes widen with surprise. "Yes Miss Granger. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Four students have died during the attack, one Gryffindor third year, a Hufflepuff second year, a fifth year Slytherin and Terry Boot".

The prefects exchanged shocked expressions before the Hufflepuff saw me. Held tight to the spot by Lupins grip on me I have to stand and face her accusations. "You!" she hissed her eyes livid. "I bet you knew all about this! Staring out the window the whole trip. Bet it was the thrill of the ride wasn't it" she snarled.

Her words roll over me like a wave of water. I merely stare dully back at her. Lupin frowns, "that's quite enough Miss Perks". She eyes me hatefully and I honestly don't blame her. "Draco had captured three deatheaters for the ministry today. I suggest you all go sit down, once the aurors have finished the train will be moving again".

Lupin saunters away leaving the other prefects to stare disbelievingly at me. Pushing past them I sink into my seat and resume my staring out the window. They enter after me, trying to stir information.. I ignore them dutifully and hope they will remember their roles as well.

They give up after a while. None of them seem that mature of levelheaded now. The door was wrenched open and gasps of,"Hermione! we heard-". "A prefect's dead!".

She's crying now. I block the noise out and lean heavily in my seat, closing my eyes to try and remove the memories that are still fresh in my mind. The trustworthy loyal Hufflepuff, so quick to accuse. The wise smart Ravenclaw, lying dead in the back of the train. The brave noble Gryffindor, crying in the arms of her two best friends. And the sly cunning Slytherin, disgusted by himself, wishing it were him rather then the Ravenclaw.

What model students we are. I grimly continue my gaze out the window. Then Weasley seems to notice me. His eyes livid as I ignore him he snarls out. "You bastard! I'll bet you knew didn't you".

I turn my head sickeningly slowly. I feel disgustingly hollow as I speak, my voice is overly calm and lacking in characted, "you seem to have painted the picture already. There isn't any need for me to shatter your illusions".

My words are empty, the other prefects are staring. Potter and Weasley goggling at me as I close my eyes sinking back into my seat. Retreating into the dark solitude of my mind. Theres footsteps up and down the hall before the train begins to move again.

__

_kiku to ii wa semete watashi no sasayaki daku to ii wa mune ni maboroshi to shirazu you to ii wa amai itsuwari no aji ni kanjinai wa kurushimi sae kore kara..._

(Translation)= It'd be nice if you'd at least listen to my whisper. It'd be nice if you'd hold me without illusions in your heart It'd be nice if you'd get drunk with the taste of sweet lies I won't even feel pain from now on... 

***** 


	5. Just Like You

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Five: Just Like You   
By Cathy-Bloom

*****

The great hall is quieter then i've ever heard it. Even on the last feast of the fourth year after Cedric Diggory's death it wasn't this quiet. All the first years are pale and frightened, probably wishing they had gone to muggle schools rather then come to a dangerous place like this.

I turn my eyes over my plate, the platters are full of steaming food that's making me feel nauseous. My cutlery and plate are untouched, sitting exactly as they were when I sat down more then an hour ago. I close my eyes silently, allowing the rumors and vicious whispers that have erupted around me.

Most suggesting I had instigated the Hogwarts Express Attack. After all, nobody trusts the son of a trialled deatheater. Not even Crabbe and Goyle, who's fathers are dancing on the same marionets as father is will talk to me. Shows how shallow people really are, they won't associate themselves with me because it would damage their reputation.

What a reputation to protect...both are known as the two stupidest gorillas to set foot in Hogwarts. I dully reopen my eyes and glance down at my goblet thoughtlessly, the only thing I could face consuming was the pumpkin juice i'd filled it with. 

The whispering around me at my house table intensifies as Dumbledore rises to his feet. He's solemn, his face looking so ancient it's incredible. "A terrible thing has happened today" he begins and I shut myself off closing my eyes. Terry Boots ashen face is all to fresh inside my mind.

I suppose two months ago I would have been jeering with the rest of the Slytherins as Dumbledore made his speech. But now there's a rift between me and the person I was. I could never go back to him, I wouldn't want to. All that time I was just another puppet for Voldemorts amusement.

The man that landed my father in Azkaban, the man thats allowing hundreds of people to be massacred by the month. Shuddering unconsciously I stand with the rest of the students, as Dumbledore raises his glass i'm surprised that I do as well. The bigger surprise is that the rest of the Slytherins are as well, there eyes eagerly upon me.

Then I swallow. An acrid taste filters through my pumpkin juice and I pale as my vision begins to cloud then swim. Poisoned...that was why they'd been watching me. I can feel my knees turning to jelly as my vision swims and a wave of nausea sweeps over me. I buckle over and topple flat on my back. My head pounding and my stomach swilling unpleasantly.

I can't even move my limbs now that i've fallen, students from all over the hall have turned to look. Some going so far as to clamber on their chairs to get a good geeze at Malfoy lying flat on his back. Yet none step forwards to help, they merely watch. Some with smug smiles of satisfaction crossing their faces.

Footsteps pound in my head as someone races forwards. Then Dumbledores bent over me, his long crooked nose pointing down at me. His face swims in my vision as an unbearable heat rolls over me, groaning as my head echoes all the buzzing voices with persistently louder tones. 

Madam Pomfreys here as well now, I can only tell her apart due to the fact her robes are white. They're blindingly bright in my eyes and I shrink away with a dull moan, she calls out and it screeches in my ears. Then more footsteps and Lupin appears, his tatty robes swirling in my mind as he scoops me easily up in much stronger then they appeared to be arms.

Now we're leaving the great hall. Nausea roams free now that i'm actually moving. Violently swilling in my stomach I moan again. My face is burning and I feel as though my skins on fire. "Poisoned?" my voice is hoarse and weak, Lupin shifts his head and glances down at me. His voice is unnaturally clear, "Yes Draco" he replies calmly. After that all clearness is gone, he's still talking but I can't understand him.

It's all a fading blur in my mind. That was what they had been whispering about. They had been waiting for a chance to slip it in my drink, undoubtedly the idiots thought it would kill me. Hell if i'm lucky it just might. Not only do they hate our family name father, not only do they hate you, but it seems they want me dead as well. Who would've thought the 'good' side could be so damned cynical.

Sweat is trickling down my forehead, sticking my hair to my face. My arms and legs feel as if they weigh a tonne each. Madam Pomfrey has a hint of anger in her tone as she talks to Lupin. My head is pounding like crazy as my stomach swills nauseatingly. That must've been some poison and for some reason i'm doubting a student was up to making it.

Suddenly i'm shaking like mad as the heat disspears, it's freezing in these draughty corridors and my teeth are begginning to chatter. I can't keep my thoughts from tracing back to that one thing all of this represents. Father, you began this, now people are after my life. All the students who lost someone to your master are angry Father, disgusted by the fact that your son walks among them like an equal.

You may be suffering for your crimes but why should we have to as well? Every torturous day you spend in that hell-hole we live in the ridicule of those around us. Mother and I, you drove Mother into hiding. She won't even leave her god damned room now that you did this to her.

And I, your god damn son am forced into the full brunt of their anger father. You can hide away in Azkaban with your dementors but I am on trial every day of my god damn life since you were convicted. I can't even take a drink without having the possibility of a deadly poison inside it now.

Colours are swirling in my vision now, I can't even make out Pomfrey or Lupin in the mess. A wave of nausea rolls through me and i'm emptying bile over the floor in the corridor, Lupin doing his best to avoid being hit by the foul liquid. Madam Pomfrey let's out a small noise I can't distinguish from the constant buzzing in my ears.

Lupins talking again as well as Madam Pomfrey sets the mess to cleaning itself up before we continue. I can feel my eyes rolling, trying to get away from the to-bright colours. I slide my eyelids closed and continue to tremble violently, sinking back into my thoughts.

Every day I have to face their hate and malice, when they look at me they see you Father. They don't see me anymore, I am not a person in their eyes, I am just the son of Lucius Malfoy, the traitor...the murderer, the deatheater. And they hate me for it, they'll never see past their own blind predjudice.

But I won't back down, I can't let myself back down. I have to show someone, anyone that i'm not like you. I'm not going to let myself become a puppet or a slave like you Father. I'm going to do whatever I have to to show them that I am not a blind sheep following their shephards bidding.

I have eyes, I can see what you are. I have a conscience, I feel for their pain. I have a brain, I understand why they hate me so much. And I have a heart, which is why I'm suffering your come-uppance. 

We've reached the hospital wing now. Lupins put me down on a bed as another roll of nausea causes me to throw more bile up all over the floor. He hurriedly conjures up a basin and holds it out for me as Madam Pomfrey set's another mess to cleaning itself up. She's muttering to herself heatedly about something and Lupin is nodding along with her, as I throw more of the disgusting bile up my mind seems to focus long enough to hear his words.

"They can only see his father Poppy. You can't blame them for wanting their own back on a Deatheater, they just don't understand that Draco isn't his father". The woman nodded her face twisted into a savage scowl, "they could've bloody killed him. Idiots, he may not be the kindest of boys but he certainly doesn't deserve death by poison".

My mind twists in confusion, I must've heard them wrong. Neither of them could possibly understand me. The annoying little voice that seems to pop up when you least want it whispered calmly in my ear; or could they?

I'm saved from this by another attack of the bile. This time I manage to get it into the basin and the burning rips up my throat after it. Weakly slumping back into my earlier position I close my eyes, blocking out their voices. I don't need your pity, my mind states firmly. I don't need your pity I don't need your pity..I don't..I don't.

I open my eyes and instantly regret it, the swimming sea of colours before the swilling in my stomach becomes another roar of nausea, sitting up I barely manage to lean over the basin before I'm gagging up even more of the foul-smelling blue liquid, something else mixing with it. I watch it slowly turn purple with confused eyes.

Blood. I raise a weak arm to wipe my mouth and find smears of the crimson liquid across my pale hand. Madam Pomfreys eyes widened and shes turning toward Lupin. "Hurry and get Albus..and Severus" she's muttering to him. The buzzing in my ears has gone deadly still and every sound seems to have enhanced by a magical degree so it sounds as though it's screaming right in my ears.

I can feel the copper taste on my tongue amidst the foul burning of the bile. My eyes are stinging as my entire chest burns with pain, every breath I take seeming to draw a dramatic amount of fire from within them. The pain races through my weak limbs until it's painful to even move.

Another wave of nausea bring up more bile. And more blood. This time I don't make it to the basin. The mixture of red blue splatters the bedclothes and the floor beside it. Madam Pomfrey sweeps a cool cloth over my head relieving some of the heat that's returned. My teeth continue to chatter like mad and she's produced a thermometer from out of nowhere, deciding it best to keep my mouth clear she slides it under my arm and forces me to hold my arm tight to my side.

Ignoring the pain that's ripping through me as I hold it there. Minutes seem like hours before she removes it, I close my eyes as i'm allowed to relax the muscles again and grit my chattering teeth in an attempt to silence any sounds I might admit while the pain laces it's way down my legs, up my arms and through my chest.

Like white hot wire coiling around my body I can feel it tightening. The burning is worse then anything i've ever felt before. Madam Pomfrey seems to be at a loss as she continues to sponge my forehead, her buzzing voice chattering incessantly.

The door sweeping open echoes in my ears painfully and more footsteps clatter heavily as though they're walking over my head. I can distinguish Snape's loaping stride and Dumbledores sweeping walk. Lupin is behind them, they're muttering to each other with that same terrible buzzing.

Nausea roars in my stomach and I valiantly hit the basin again, coughing and splattering up the horrible burning concoction and the copper of my own blood. I sink back onto the bed and close my eyes solemnly. God knows I wish I would just die and get it over with. At least I wouldn't have to face constant ridicule by everyone I see.

Snape curses filthily, his voice is distinctly angry. Dumbledore mutters something to him and Madam Pomfrey speaks up, her voice filled with uncertainty and perhaps a hint of worry. I'm getting good at reading peoples voices, i've found people don't often say what they really mean to, often enough you can tell what they really want to say by the tone of their voice.

I force myself to open my eyes and attempt to focus my vision, my head pounds with the effort and the swirling makes my stomach begin to swill again but I push it down. Madam Pomfrey is inspecting my bandaged hand with thought, my robes have been unfastened and a good portion of my chest is bare.

Ugly small scars criss-crossing over the pale skin. Focusing I tilt my head to get a better view of them, the glint of Dumbledores glasses tweaks my vision and I have to shut my eyes again before reopening them. I can see them now, Snape hovering to the side of Dumbledore, Lupin several steps back leaning on the neighbouring bed his face lost in thought.

Dumbledore gives me a weak small smile and I close my eyes again. Why do you smile at me old man, i'm nothing to be proud of. Reopening my eyes I glance at Snape who is swiftly observing me, probably trying to determine what poison they used. Lupin is staring straight at me, observing me but not in the same way as Snape, nor is he smiling at me like Dumbledore. He's quiet and thoughtful, his eyes occasionally drifting to the scars mottling my pale skin and my hand.

He thinks I did it on purpose I realise calmly. He thinks I cut myself. 

For some reason this doesnt bother me a hell of alot. Dumbledore catches my gaze again an dlooks me firmly in the eyes, speaking loudly and clearly, "I assume Mister Malfoy, that you are well aware that you've been poisoned". I open my mouth in frustration, I try to speak, try to tell him not to use that name, the one that associates me with the bastard of a father. But I cant, it won't come, all that escapes my throat is a scratchy gurgle.

Lupins voice startles me, "he wishes you to call him Draco Headmaster" he says calmly his eyes resting on me for a second before turning upon Snape who's sending him a challenging glare. Dumbledore also shoots him a questioning glance before nodding, "very well Draco. Professor Snape is trying to figure out what Poison has been used so he can prepare the antidote."

I close my eyes again and he seems to get the message that I understand. Wearily I slump in the pillows as Madam Pomfrey began to offer her suspicions to Snape. What a promising start to the year this is.
    
    _nani ga hoshii? sore wo ubatte yaru kara
    nani ga daiji? subete kowashite yaru kara
    doko e yuku no? michi wo fusaide yaru kara
    nani wo shite mo muda to muimi
    saigo wa..._
    
    (Translation)= What do you want? 'Cuz I'll snatch it away.
    What's precious to you? 'Cuz I'll destroy it all.
    Where are you going? 'Cuz I'll block your way.
    No matter what you do, in the end, it's all
    futile and meaningless...
    
    *****

A/n: Once more I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews. Especially Me who once more topped her own record on getting the  
longest review, I don't mind someone challenging her title. Honest I dont ^.^;; Good luck to you on that. The womans go a way with words, what can I say? Thankyou! Hopefully this lives up to my usual standards. *Watches her ego begin to swell maniacally*   
wahahaha. Don't expect things to get to easy on Draco to soon. 'cause they aint gonna. About the whole hate-able Ron thingy,   
I don't personally particuarly hate the boy. But this is how I explain the thing, we see Draco as the nasty one because the JK books are written from Harry's perspective. While in reality Ron and Harry are pretty much give as good as they get. They are just not quite so cruel. But Ron, after several years worth of Draco tormenting him about his family, his poverty, his looks etc. Is quite reasonably angry and would most likely be overjoyed at Lucius getting his own. After all Draco pretty much idolised his father before hand so he thinks Draco's still on 'the bad side'. Which is why he's acting so hate-able! There my view on it anyways. Go me ^_^;; So any fans of Ron can understand why he's just so darn agro in here.


	6. Nothing Else Matters

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Six: Nothing Else Matters.  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/N: Alright! Updating again. I've got some rather interesting reviewers that need recognition. First of all to Cybele, who had this to her favourites. ^_^;; happy happy and who had tried valiantly to beat Me's record for the longest review. And you had it down, before Me reviewed again with a mammoth Review of Threehundred and three words, the girl just likes to review I tells ya. Thanks to Me again, for giving me a thesauras full of synonyms for extraordinary. And to my Reviewers with a little less time on their hands, your all great ^_^ And I am still using Koori-tachi no Puraido for my ending song. Nothing really exciting to elaborate on...but it looks like at least some of the Professors understand our Draco.

*****

The hospital wing is silent as I awake. Shadows still shroud the walls so I suppose it must be early, a splitting pain thuds inside my head continuously as I try to lift myself off the bed. My body objects, refusing to move on to-weak limbs. All through my chest the same ripped burning feeling roars and I sink none to happily back onto the mattress.

I lift my head instead to look upon the ceiling, my eyes are adjusting to the darkness and soon I can make out dim objects, a tray loaded with bottles lays several feet away on top of a makeshift table. A cabinet beside my bed, bare and unused, a vase presumably for flowers lying depressingly empty.

I hadn't been expecting much when I left the station to come from Hogwarts, when I came into contact with the Ravenclaw on the train any hope had sunken dramatically. Now I realise that any sign of kindness, anything resembling respect, what most definitely not be found inside this castle.

I treated the people who could possibly understand to badly before, they would relish in letting me suffer alone. And those who I once considered friends, in the loosest possible term of the word, wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. All of it ends up coming back to the same reason, I may as well just stamp 'Malfoy the Deatheaters Son" on my forehead and be done with it, they won't give me any peace while i'm here.

Well I'll be damned if I give up. They can do what they want, they can gossip, turn their noses up and sneer. I am going to bloody graduate Hogwarts and prove to someone, anyone that I am not the same man as my father.

The darkness clouds around me mockingly as a nasty pain erupts in my stomach, all thoughts leaving my head I can't stop the groan of pain that escapes my lips. Rustling erupts and theres footsteps, I must've woken Madam Pomfrey. She rips the curtain open and sighs, striding over she begins to sift through the tray of bottles.

Coming to the one she wants she picks it up and pours a tiny amount into a small vial. Turning back to me she hands it to me with a small smile, "it will help. You're very lucky Professor Snape recognised the Poison, you would've died within hours" she gave a small tut of her tongue before forcing the liquid down my throat. 

"Now sleep Mister Malfoy, if you want to attend classes by at least lunchtime tommorrow you'll need sleep. I'll have your timetable brought up to you" she gave a final nod before dissapearing again, pulling the curtains closed. 

I feel as if a fresh breath has entered me now with the potion that's soothed the pain and calmed my roaring chest. 

I'll leave behind me my shattered world. If theres anything I have still got anymore, after losing so damn much to my father, it's my pride. I can still hold my head up high, I can still get good grades. He can't take that away from me, you may be able to take away my dignity, my respect, but i'll be damned if you can rid me of my pride.

I can't disgard my years of hate and malice. They'll always drag me down, but I can keep on going. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I give up now, it isn't an option. I will do as much as I can to scrape myself some new found dignity, to earn myself some respect.

At the least from the teachers, I don't believe any of the students will forgive me. To many of them have suffered or are suffering at the hands of my Fathers fellow deatheaters. They will not understand what I can, their pain and arrogance will blind them until they can no longer see anymore.

I recieve no pity, just as I deserve none. But it doesn't matter, all I need is to escape from the filthy little boy that will forever haunt my mind, the boy that for so long sneered at people on the path of good, the boy who couldn't even see the strings he was being controlled with. 

It seems it doesn't matter what side I'm on anymore. People are to shallow on both sides to consort with the likes of me. Malfoy is a disgrace to the wizarding families. Nobody will mingle with the likes of a disgraced name, for something so heinous as being sentenced to Azkaban.

A name, that's all it is, but it's my name. I cannot distance myself from it, because the man that brought me into this world is the same man that shattered it for me. A man that brought such shame upon an ancient magical family that we face the ridicule of people who once respected us.

You made the decision father, you made it knowing the consequences, so many years ago. Finally you realise them, you probably thought that your master would protect you, it shows how bad you are judging characters Father. You fell into a trap, he couldn't care less for a careless minion who allowed himself to be captured by the ministry, you were more of a liability then an asset to him father, so you will rot for crimes you committed under the name of a selfless bastard.

I remember you once told me that once the world was clean of the mudbloods and the half-breeds life would be better. But then your master himself was a half-breed, how can you idolise something that represents everything you've always hated so dearly, I don't want to think about this over and over again Father. But I can't take it, I don't understand why you'd let Mother and I suffer because of your own blind ambition.

As the hot prickling returns behind my eyes I give a frustrated sigh. No, I won't cry another tear for you Father. You used me in your games. You used your own damn son for your own tainted ideals, to carry out your masters bidding, you used me to get at other families.

Then you fed it straight back to your master, none of the talks you gave me were ever fo rmy benefit were they Father? You just wanted information from me. I was a useless pawn in your stupid trivial games, I tried so hard to get your approval, just a scrap of a compliment from you. But no, I was just your useless excuse for a son. Not even top of the year, scraping in behind a pathetic little Mudblood.

I remember at the World Cup, it was the finals and the Weasleys had managed to scrape box seats. The only time you ever showed something resembling fatherly support was when I sneered at them. You loved to see the looks on their faces, you told me so on several occasions, so I did it. Just like I sent you an owl every time I did something I thought you would appreciate, it was always Mother who sent me an owl back.

You never did bother to show any support for me. But I kept at it, thinking you might just show up and give me a pat on the back for keeping up your ideals. What a twisted spin you put on me. All your constant talk of wiping out the mudbloods tainted my own perception, ever since the day I was born you influenced what I did.

I've never been given a chance to have my own ideals, to have my own perception. You wouldn't let me Father, you wouldn't let your pathetic no-good son turn out to be a Muggle-Lover like the much molared Albus Dumbledore. Or consort with half breeds like those riff-raff Weasleys.

No, I may have been a dissapointment Father but you wouldn't let me disgrace you any further in such a fashion. But still, I looked up to you, even though you never gave me a word of encouragement in my entire life, I looked up to you like you were some sort of hero, someone to be idolised.

What a blind prat i've been. Nobody in their right minds would look up to someone like you Father. A mindless slave, tainted and predjudiced against the majority of Wizarding Kind for some reason or the other. 

If one good thing came of your imprisonment father it's this, my freedom. I can see past your ideals, dare I speak it I have an opinion of my own. Why did you have to be like that Father? Why couldn't I have had a normal father, not a sadistic bastard of a slave who hid behind his Masters ideas. 

Well, theres no turning back now. I can't run away because I won't let myself. I will face it, unlike you Father I will not hide behind someone else for protection. Deal what you will because I will achieve whatever I can. Ignore their prying eyes and cruel whisperings, I can be whatever I want to be. 

The first grey fingers of dawn are creeping up the walls now, Madam Pomfrey is stirring again, no doubt preparing rooms for the first day back of term. I can face up to my choices, I won't back down because of your Master father, he and his followers may not like it, but to hell with it I won't become another slave.

Gritting my teeth I force myself into a sitting position, I won't let them think they've won. I'm going to that first class if it bloody well kills me. Ignoring the burning pain that erupts as I move I manage to slip my feet out from beneath the blankets, somewhere along the line last night while I was near passed out they must have tucked me into the bed.

Jets of pain pass up my arms as I use them to support myself, Madam Pomfrey must've seen me. She's rushing inside, her face stern "what are you doing Mister Malfoy? Get back in that bed, you need to rest!". I pretend to not have heard her, carefully allowing my weight to shift instead to my feet as I stand, she rushes around the bedside and firmly pushes me back to the bed, "you are not leaving this bed until you rest!".

I force myself up again, "after class" I reply hollowly. I can see my robes folded neatly on the table, it's only then I realise I've been stripped to the waist, wearing only my uniform trousers. My legs feel like they are about to collapse under me but I force myself to walk over and grab my robes. Shrugging them on I begin to fumble with the clasps with clumsy fingers. 

Madam Pomfrey gives an exasperated sigh, "fine Mister Malfoy, but if you collapse in the middle of class because of exhaustion, then don't expect any pity from me". I ignore her as I run my hand haphazardly through my hair, it's hanging in my eyes, hiding the pale scar that stretches across my forehead.

Madam Pomfrey frowns at me as I unconsciously finger it, "at least let me take a look at your hand" she offers and I glance down at my hand, thick with bandages it had been completely forgotten from my mind. Taking my silence as a yes she grabs my good hand and forces me to sit, she begins to unwind the bandages from my hand.

She gives a minor gasp of surprise as she see's the mass of cuts, each seeming to connect to each other, forming a huge wound, my knuckles are scraped and swollen. "Dear dear" she whispers as she draws her wand, I jerk my hand away automatically. "I prefer to let it heal on it's own" I mutter quietly.

She gives me an odd look before forcing me to consent for her to at least clean and rebandage the wound. She sets herself to cleaning it, working quickly and quietly. Sunlight's begginning to stream through the windows. I lift my head weakly toward the window, i'm finding trouble breathing, every time I do so a vicious burning erupts down my windpipe, spreading through my lungs and chest muscles.

As she tucks the final bandage into place I force myself to stand on weak legs. She stops me as I turn to leave and begins to gather papers together, finally she selects my cloak from where it's hanging from the screen. She hands it carefully to me before offering my timetable, the other papers appear to be the timetables for the Slytherin first years.

Of course, I was a prefect. It was my job to hand out the time tables, someone must have taken responsibility for the other years because there is only the one pile. Shakily I nod my head and give a brief word of thanks before turning to the door to leave, "oh...and Mister Malfoy?" she calls out after me. I pause and turn to look at her, "do be careful. I have enough patients on the first day back without having to look after Prefects as well".

I nod back and turn back to the door, pulling it open I leave. As it clicks shut behind me I realise I have nowhere to go. The great hall would be the obvious place, but I don't feel particuarly hungry. The commonroom is out of the question, I may have to face my house at some point but right now I don't feel up to it. It's to early for class and I have no work to do at the Library. Finally I settle on the Great Hall as I have to drop off the timetables at least.

I trudge weakly down toward the Hall, my legs feeling as though they are about to fail me and drop off at every step. I stiffly labour down the corridor and am surprised as a door I hadn't noticed opened behind me. I continue on hoping whoever it was hadn't seen me, "chin up Draco" came a mildly cheerful voice.

I pause to turn my head toward the owner of the voice. Lupin gives me a vague smile as he leaves the doorway, looking tired but in good spirits. "You're looking much better then you did last night" he comments lightly as he makes his way toward me, "I suppose your off to breakfast then?". He seems to be rather good at holding a conversation with himself. He eyes me expectantly and I find myself obliged to answer.

"Yes" I reply wearily and he nods calmly, "I didn't expect to be seeing you in classes this morning, Madam Pomfrey is usually quite insistent on such matters" he commented. I sigh and nod, strange how one can become so accustomed to not talking to others that it becomes a trial to even hold meager conversation.

"Well, I wanted to go to my first class" I reply shortly and he laughs. "I should say that you are most likely the only person in the castle who isn't dreading their first class". I shrug and he gives me a peculiar look. Finally my legs do what they've been threatening to do since I first stood up, they buckle under me.

For the second time in twentyfour hours I find Lupin supporting my weight. "Your intentions I dare say are good Draco. But you are certainly not up to classes quite yet", embarassment rises in my face and I force myself to stand. "I tripped" I snap lamely and he raises an eyebrow, "then do forgive me" he replies calmly.

Pushing open a door we enter the great hall. It's sparsely populated at this hour, Dumbledore sitting up at the staff table was talking with Snape. A few Ravenclaw students were gathered at their table while two Hufflepuffs sat in silence at theirs. As of yet no Gryffindors had yet to show their faces but three Slytherins sat in a group at the end of the house table.

Lupin enters calmly behind me, several faces look up as the door snaps shut behind him. He smiles a long suffering smile down at me before heading toward the staff table, I head to the Slytherin table quietly. Stopping at the center I clear some space and drop the pile of timetables down on it. Withdrawing my wand rather then having to hand them out one by one to the first years who undoubtedly had heard all about him from their older peers I scrawl lazily in the air with my wand.

Leaving bright gleaming silver and green letters which read quite simply, 'First Year Timetables' before retreating toward the opposite end of the table from the other Slytherins and taking a seat. Ignoring the looks they're shooting down the table at me I force myself to take a piece of toast and butter it.

Setting it on my plate I lean forward and rest my head in my hands. I can feel eyes on me still but I ignore it, it feels better not having hundreds of people whispering and ridiculing me behind my back. I prefer the quiet of the early morning, I don't believe i've ever been in the great hall before 8.00am. 

It can't be later then 6.30. I must've been sitting staring at the table for quite a while now, more students are drifting in and taking their seats and the sallow voice of Snape echoes in my ear. "Are you planning to eat that or is it for show purposes only?", I glance up and my Head of House has an odd look in his eyes.

When I don't reply his face contorts into a frown, "I suggest you do eat something Draco. If you plan to attend classes this morning then it should help", he turns and sweeps back toward the staff table. Lupin has taken the seat on the other side of Snape, I suspect mainly to piss the Potions Master off by the small twitch of the Werewolf's mouth.
    
    _aa Seiryuu no koe
    kaze, yuregaseru toki
    mou teki de wa naku
    ano kata no
    tenka dake_
    
    _(Translation)= _ Ah, The voice of the blue dragon.
    When it shakes the winds,
    there won't be any more enemies.
    Only his genius
    will remain.


	7. Another Day In Paradise

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Seven: Another Day in Paradise.  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/N: Well Cybele, you finally took out the prize for longest review with a giant 340 words. As for the pairings, even I don't know where this is headed...it's crazy but this story seems to write itself. So many compliments, really people it'll all go to my head, somebody shoot me down now @_@ In my opinion Draco is a very strong character, he just doesn't get much spotlight in the books. As for the pet name thing, that can be your prize for the huge ass review Waiiiiiiii. And the lyrics are from the song, 'Mizutachi no Puraido' (Pride of Ice) which explains the title... The song is the image song of Soi from Fushigi Yuugi, it's one of my favs from FY. As for Me, you tried hard to hold onto the title but you had to let go sometime ^_^ I am shocked girl, I didn't think it was possible for you to be un-hyper and bubble-less, ahh so my mystery-esque is finally working properly as well, WAIII! GO ME!   
minigoth, thanks alot. I do know how to play the pity card well ^_^ my ego is swelling rapidly right now.... Rebuky, cheers. I always love a few compliments and god this is long so i'll just say one big THANKYOU! and get on with it! and Keep on Reviewing or my ego will deflate like Draco's has T.T

*****

Lupin's words from this morning echo in my ears as I force myself to stay awake. The rest of my class are staring at me from where I'm leaning against the fence, dociley listening to Hagrid's prattling about Centaurs. Both my own house and the Gryffindors are shooting me odd glances, eventually Hagrid notices that no-ones attention seems to be on the topic at hand and he gives a shake of his bearded head. Tuning his lips he gives a piercing whistle that makes the majority of the class jump.

The sound of hoofs striking the ground clatters toward us and eventually a centaur trots lazily toward us. His body is the colour of a palimino stallion, he has white-blond hair and bright unusually blue eyes. Seeing the stunned looks on the classes face the centaur trots toward Hagrid giving a casual, "hello Hagrid, you called?".

I fall into my sleepy hazy state again as the centaur begins to talk casually with the groundskeeper. Lowering my head into my arms I give a pitiful sigh, I should have listened to Madam Pomfrey, I am definitely not up to this. Whether it's the constant staring that's making me feel weak or the after-affects of the poison I don't know. All I know is that I'd much rather be resting in a bed right now rather then standing out in the middle of the dewy Hogwarts grounds with a bunch of Sixth years gawking at a Centaur.

I can hear their conversations they are plainly trying not so very hard to keep quiet. Whisperings of my father, last night, murders and death eaters. It's not so very hard to see what they all think of me, the tone of their voices as they say it is proof enough, they are disgusted that Dumbledore would even let the son of a convicted Deatheater into their school.

They're probably thinking i'll use the Unforgiveables on them while they're sleeping. It's plain that they think I'm a murderering coward like my father, they think I'm one of the slaves bound to the selfless bastard that sullied my reputation. I could laugh at their accusations but I would most likely end up crying instead.

I'm a prat. A useless selfless git. Even Pansy Parkinson, who hung off my arm since first year like some love-sick puppy won't look at me, she sneers to her friends about what a shame it is that Dumbledore let's criminals inside this school. 

They are all staring at me pointedly again, I can see Potter and Weasley, on the opposite side of the fenced off pen whispering to each other and Granger. The centaur seems uneasy now, he's pawing the ground somewhat nervously, turning his head over the lot of us with a piercing thoughtful gaze.

I lift my head sombrely and he meets my eyes. Something in those two eyes makes me cringe, it's as if he can see right through me, right through and read every thought in my mind. It's unnerving. Like someone was rifling through my most personal details for their own leisure. He has the saddest eyes i've ever seen, as though he has seen things that would be much better going unseen for all of eternity.

I don't know why but I can't help but compare myself to him. With his sad blue eyes, my own hollow unfeeling grey ones. He's only a magical creature, how can a simple animal be so sad?

I shake my thoughts away by breaking the gaze and lowering my head into my arms again. Noting the whispers that have erupted around me, the fence line. The Gryffindors and Slytherins alike eyeing me with distaste from where they're standing. I've noticed they've slowly edged away from me, leaving me standing by myself, meters from anyone else.

I ignore it. It doesn't matter that much, who would be friends with a deatheaters son anyway? Who would want to be anywhere near me. I'd only bring them the same ridicule that's inflicted on me now. People don't like to be shunned, not many are willing to risk their reputation to talk to one of the 'rejects'.

I instead focus on what Hagrids saying. Must be a nice change to actually have someone listen in your classes that isn't in Gryffindor. That's if you notice of course. The other Slytherins are at their usual games, sneering at Hagrid and the Gryffindors when they think no-one will notice.

This time they aren't limiting their sneering to Gryffindors or Hagrid alone, looks like i'm their new favourite target. Potter isn't so appealing anymore, they have to difference themselves from me somehow. 

Somehow the Slytherin's disgust hurts the most. They were the people that knew about Father from the start, half of their parents were deatheaters as well. But the fact that Father is publicly shunned means they can't associate with me, they can't even just plain ignore me like the Ravenclaws have been. They have to sneer, to show their obvious dislike for me.

Their hate is plain and so very simple. It's for reputations sake. The thing that keeps us Slytherin's so proud. Reputation and name, the two things that dictate Slytherin house. Now that i've lost both it's no wonder they won't come near me. The bell chimes out loudly over the grounds and I turn abruptly, Hagrids dismissal echoing in my ears as I'm already several meters away from the fence.

The others at my back they sneer openly now, not caring to keep their voices low. "So he did survive the Poison. Whoever did it will have to make it stronger next time" came the loud sneer from Blaise Zabini. I ignore them, walking straight, not letting my chin droop as it's threatening to.

"What a shame, he's such a disgrace to Slytherin. Isn't he Blaise?" that's Pansy, cooing at Blaise. "Of course he is, who in their right mind would have made that Prefect" Blaise spoke up again. I ignore the damp ends of my robes that are brushing my trousers, also damp from the dew. Ascending the stairs they are still at it, the Gryffindors aren't much better mind you, they just don't choose to voice their opinions as loudly.

"If I was in the Ministry I'd have him packed off to Azkaban with his Father. It's bloody disgraceful letting that roam free when he really should be right with his Father". I can feel my shoulders tensing, it isn't worth it..it isn't worth it I chant in my head, just concentrate on getting to your next lesson.

Oh great. Defense...more of Lupin. I wonder if he'll still have the same tone when he's in a class full of his faithful Gryffindors. This is typical, my two first classes of the day and both of them are with Gryffindors. "Well Malfoy, what have you got to say for yourself? Aren't you going to defend your father?". I continue to ignore him, my unbandaged hand clenching so tightly that my fingernails are making tiny cresents in the soft flesh.

"Seems Malfoys gone deaf, or maybe he's just to stupid to understand me. I asked if you were going to defend your father?", almost there. I'm almost there. Why should I defend you father, you are everything they say..a disgrace to wizarding kind, just like I am. A disgrace. "Oh come one Malfoy, don't tell me I have to spell it out for you to understand me? Your hearing was working just fine last year". 

There, I can see the door to the classroom. I ignore my housemembers as I stride towards it. "Oh so he's to good for us now. The deatheaters son is to good to talk to us common Slytherins" Blaise continues earning snickering from the others. Crabbe and Goyle among them. 

I stop by the door, cursing the fact that it would only open from the inside unless you knew the password. I tense my hands and keep my back to the others, anytime now Lupin would be nice. The Gryffindors are leaning against the wall further down the corridor from the group of Slytherins situated behind me.

"Perhaps Malfoy would like a little reminder that we're here?" I stiffen abruptly. I can hear the others snickering as Blaise undoubtedly pulls out his wand. I'm struck with a dilemma now, I can either let myself get hexed and continue to ignore them or I can block the hex and allow them the satisfaction that I had heard every word.

A voice, definitely not Blaises suddenly says calmly and effectively, "Expelliarmus". Blaises wand skids past me and lands at the voices owners feet. "Twenty points from Slytherin for raising your wand to a fellow student, a prefect no less". Lupin strides down the corridor with perfect calm, picking up Blaises wand he chucks it carelessly back to it's owner.

"You may be mistaken in thinking I enjoy taking Points on your first class of the year Mister Zabini. But I assure you, unlike some of my colleagues I do not" he added as he waved his wand at the doorway and it swung open. He swept inside with a confirmation that they could enter, I take a seat in the furthest back corner. I don't want to present them a chance to hex me.

"As you all know I have returned to teach this year only at special request from the headmaster himself. Some of you may be uncomfortable being taught by myself I am sure", Lupin looks awkward as the rest of the class sits. The Slytherins muttering savage agreement, "but I am afraid there is no way around this situation. However, on a brighter note I will have an assistant in these classes" he raised his head to smile as whispering echoed from the Gryffindors.

"They will take my classes while I am..not fit to and help out with the general course". He smiled over us and I sink back into the glazed almost sleeping mode i'd been in for the majority of the previous class. Every so often someone will look over their shoulders, before muttering to their neighbours.

The Gryffindors are to wrapped up in Lupins words to care that I'm here. But it seems that Blaise doesn't care for the topic at hand, he's fingering his wand as though driving against cursing me right here and now. I lift my head to stare dully at the front of the classroom, I wonder if I'll be able to focus in a class again without the threat of being cursed.

The classroom suddenly seems unnaturally quiet, my breath catches in my chest nervously. I've missed something, something is going to happen. I tense as Lupin stands and sweeps toward the door, he opens it and seems to be conferring with someone outside the door.

He's smiling as he opens the door and I almost fall from my chair. The Weasley from Diagon Alley, the one who helped me walks calmly through the door behind Lupin. Weasley squalks without dignity, "BILL? What the hell are you doing here!" the older boy tinges pink and his ears turn red as he flashes a smile. 

Lupin chuckles quietly to himself as Weasley suddenly turns very pink and sinks down in his chair. "If you had been paying attention Mister Weasley you would realise your brother is here to help me teach this class.." Lupin says slowly his eyes flashing with amusement. "Er..sorry Professor" Weasley mumbles numbly and I slump back in my chair.

My head has begun to spin again, perhaps I should've stayed in the Hospital Wing after all. Certainly I couldn't stand right now if I was asked to. I half-listen as the older Weasley begins to introduce himself to the class, his list of credentials make him sound like he's on a job interview.

I can hear a few of the Gryffindor girls murmuring about how 'cute' he is. I resign to staring at the cieling. That looks like blood.. the bell sounding jerks me out of the daze I fell into somewhere along the line and I force myself to stand. Wincing as my knees once more feel as if they'll buckle I clutch the nearest two desks firmly, pausing to let my head stop spinning I slowly regain some strength in my legs.

As sweat beads on my forehead I force myself to walk again, they should've let the poison kill me. Far pleasanter for everyone involved. Dragging my parchment and quills from my desk I carefully make my way to the doorway, all to aware of the fact that everyone else has left.

"Draco". I stop hesitantly, my mind goading me to keep on walking and ignore him. "What?". My voice comes out testy even though I don't mean it to. I turn slowly and Lupin raises somewhat surprised brown eyes toward me, "I didn't think you were the type to allow yourself to be cursed" he comments calmly shifting papers about his desk.

The older Weasley leans somewhat uncomfortably against the front wall, looking from Lupin to me with thoughtful hazel eyes. "What makes you think that" I reply, unable to keep the snappish tone from resurfacing. Lupin pauses in his shuffling of papers to eye me intently, "you don't have to let them walk all over you Draco" he says quietly.

I shift somewhat nervously, clutching my parchment and books overly tight in my hands. Stubbornly biting my tongue I turn and continue my way outside. Why can't he hate me like everyone else and get it done with? Why does he have to pretend to be civil to me. I don't see any reason in his pity at all.

That's all it is, pity. I shuffle my way down the corridor slowly, careful not to walk to fast and let the dizziness return. God knows I need another trip to the Hospital Wing already. Lunchtime. Perhaps I should just go to the dorms, check to see that my belongings haven't all been destroyed already.

I pass by the Great Hall without a second glance. Food isn't high on my priority list these days, besides, it only prolongs the eventual death i'm going to meet anyway. Either at the hands of one of the 'good side' or a slow wasting away until someone decides to put me out of my misery.

A jerking in my stomach tells me to slow down. I pass through the stone corridors, lit only with torches of flame. The dull light seems to suit me just fine these days, as I reach the end of the passage I give a solemn croak of, 'Blue Dragon'. The entrance seeming to appear out of nowhere creaks open and I for the first time in several months enter the Slytherin Commonroom.

It's the same as I remember. Dully lit with uncomfortable furniture and dull colours. Not at all a cheerful place, though it seemed to suit it's occupants. Slytherins are mostly not the most cheerful people to be around. I trudge through it, ignoring a group of second year girls who are muttering darkly about Mcgonagall.

Upon seeing me their lips curl with disgust. I stride straight down the stairs, ignoring the spinning in my head as I enter the dull cavernous dormitories. Taking the door marked, 'Sixth Years' I frown. One bed short.

It's obvious to me who has been kicked out. I turn cooly, on my heel and close the door behind me with a sharp click. I sink against the wall with a sigh. Glad that the others aren't here to see me I turn my head over the rows upon rows of doors. Then I see it. No doubt Snape pre-arranged for it, the man always did have common sense.

Another door has been added to the end, marked with a sign stating, 'Prefects Quarters'. I start toward them, two rooms marked with only initials. Turning into the room marked DM I feel a slight shimmer of hope. My trunk is stowed at the end of a giant fourposter bed, a silver canopy hanging over it.

I start towards it, intent on testing whether the bed is filled with dead rats or not. Pulling back the silver hangings I pale considerably. Dead rats, no. But it certainly was very dead.

My sleek falcon owl I've had since first year, suspended by a silver thread from the cieling hanging directly over my pillows, still dripping blood over the sheets. Beneath it were two, rough looking dolls, easily recognisable as someones idea of a voodoo doll. The one on the left is obviously resembling me, a pin stuck viciously through it's supposed heart.

The second I suppose is my father. It's draped in mini deatheater robes, pins are jabbed through it at odd angles. Staring at the sight I sink to my knees on the thickly carpeted floor. Allowing my head to rest in my hands as the rest of the day catches up with me, before I know it warm tears are spilling down my face and splashing down the front of my robes.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I looked at the flashing clock situated on the wall it read 7:45pm. I'd missed the rest of my day of classes.
    
    Baby baby kono mama shinde mo ii
    gisei to iu yakume wo oete
    Baby baby na mo naku kiete mo ii
    shimobe toshite umarete-kita mono-tachi minna
    
    (Translation)= Baby baby You can die the way you are.
    Finish this business called sacrifice.
    Baby baby You can vanish without a name.
    Everyone's born to be a slave.


	8. In the End

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Eight: In The End  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/n:GAH! Stupid errors, thanks for pointing it out Chibi Tanny and Hedwig Owl, I was blissfully unaware but I'll just have to re-upload so here goes @_@ AAAAH! That's the last of my song T_T;; So i'ma have to choose new lyrics to end my chapters off with. Which completely defeats the purpose of naming this, 'pride of ice' bah humbug. Anyways, hope you enjoy the chpater and i'll just give a few short thankyous before- *ducks flying rotten vegetables* or maybe not. Just one huge ARIGATOU GOZAEMASU! and i'll let you all get on with it! I got lotsa reviews ^-^;; Happy Chickie.

*****

I awake with a stiff back and aching neck. The flashing clock on the wall reads 7.48am as I chance to look up at it, my neck creaking as I move it. I push myself numbly off of the bed, my eyes flickering over the now cold mangled form that used to be a living breathing creature.

The voodoo dolls are stained with my owls blood. Undoubtedly the blankets are as well. The stiff figure sways slightly as I lean against the bed. The blood has stopped running now, I wonder if this is what they're planning for me.

I turn my head away and clamber toward the mirror in the corner of the room. I reach my hand toward my mop of hair and the mirror clucks loudly. "You must've done something bad to get a welcoming message like that" it hisses smugly at me. God, how many mirrors with attitude are going to find their way into my life?

I ignore it, staring numbly at my bloodshot eyes. Compliments of early-hour crying. I don't remember ever crying before all of this happened. I suppose it's a parting gift from Father. I sigh as I reach my hands to rub my eyes mercilessly, I'm just as pale as always. My eyes have aquired a strange, tortured look I recognise from the faces of people who lost their entire families, or lost something they'd worked their life for.

It's the look one aquires when theres nothing left to hope for, when everything is lost. Hollow, dead.. I just don't understand why you did it. Why did you have to go in search of more power father? The entire Wizarding community respected you..some even worshipped you, but you had to ruin everything in a stupid game of power.

You became the slave when you could have been the master. You could have lived your own life..you could have looked after your family...you could have done something. 

Instead you forfeited everything. Left us out to the cold in a stupid play to get more power, it would be comforting to think you did it to save Mother and I father. But it just isn't true, you wouldn't have been targeted. The Pure-blood Malfoys haven't produced a squib in their entire heritage, nor have they married out of pure-blooded families.

You just did it to help yourself. You wanted the torture and suffering of numerous people, you liked to be the one standing over them while they were crying with pain. And then Potter came along, so many times since I was born you told me of your obvious hate for the boy. I guess you passed it on to me.

I was closer, I could get at him. Make his life a misery while you searched for your Master. You disgust me father, how could anyone use their own son in there stupid little mind games. How could you use me?

How could a person intentionally cause so much hate, then let it splash out onto their families. Theres no doubt your suffering in Azkaban father, but you don't have to face the wands of constant unsmiling faces. The sneers of disgust..hatred, loathing...take your pick of the lot father.

Just let me be free from this father. I wish you had never existed...or I had never existed, either which wouldn't matter, the result would have been the same wouldn't it? I would be free. Not being on trial every second of every minute of every hour of every day. 

No matter what I do now, In the end it's all futile and meaningless. In the end I will always suffer this pain and discrimination. Lord knows I'm not you Father and now I don't think I could stand the sight of you.

Poison, sneering, gossiping, hexes, curses..and then theres the owl. You brought it for me in my first year, you said that it was the fastest owl in the shop. Malfoy's always have to have the best of everything. Now it hangs, mutilated and long dead over my pillows. 

She was beautiful father. Perhaps that's part of the reason why you brought her for me, but someone did that to her... someone hates me enough to slaughter a defenceless owl. To think how many muggles, how many children and innocent bystanders you slaughtered just like that....it disgusts me father.

You must have lost your mind somewhere along the line. I don't know how any sane human being could enjoy slaughtering numerous living, breathing people. 

And I wonder why people stare at me with such revulsion, why they display so much hate? It's always you father. And the fact that I followed your ideals, the guides you expected me to follow. I did your bidding as you did your masters. Which makes me every bit the criminal that you are.

Well father you did it. When people look at me they see a Malfoy, they see you. But they despise my for it. To many have suffered, to many have died. They will never accept me for who I am Father, they will only look down upon me as another Malfoy, just like his father.

Why can't they see the difference? I am not you, nor are you me. I guess that this is how it is meant to be. This is my come-uppance, all those years of following your ideals got me somewhere alright Father. Straight into the hatred of the Wizarding Community.

I still don't know why Fudge came that day. Maybe he didn't want to get the all-powerful Malfoy Family on his badside, maybe he was genuinely concerned... unlikely but a possibility. Sighing I turn away from the mirror, my eyes fall over the hanging form solemnly, someone like me can't even have a pet.

I startle as my door creaks open, frantically digging through my pockets for my wand. It won't do any good to be caught unprepared in a closed, secluded place like this. It would surely mean my demise, I still don't know why I'm doing it but my fingers strike wood and I claw the wand from my pocket.

Turning bloodshot hollow eyes upon the open doorway I point my wand with trembling hands toward it. A shrewd, eerily calm head of Slytherin house stares back at me. I withdraw my wand, slipping it back into my pocket before turning away back toward the mirror, it's still hissing at me on odd occasions but it seems to have chosen to behave while Snape is here.

"You seem jumpy Mister Malfoy" Snapes voice drips with an unknown tone, I remain staring blankly back at my own reflection. I say nothing in reply, he seems to have jumped to his own conclusions however as he stares at the hanging mangled body of a once proud owl.

"You don't know who did it?". His voice hangs in the air and I barely acknowledge he's there anymore. Something about the thick white scar across my forehead has caught my attention. It slightly resembles a dragon. Twisted and mangles of sorts, but the shape is uncannily like the large magical beast.

I absently lift a finger to trace the scar. Typical, something more that I have in common with Potter. Snape is eerily silent, I can almost feel his eyes on me, probably trying to decide whether I knew the answer to his question or not. 

"It is harassment Mister Malfoy, you do understand don't you?". My eyes remain on the dragon like scar on my head, it looks as though it's rearing, it's wings outstretched. Strange how one stupid shard of mirror could create such detail. 

Snapes getting frustrated, I can almost feel his impatience as I run my finger ruefully over the pale mar on my forehead. "If you do know who it is I suggest you tell me". I finally turn to him, combing a hand absently through my fluffy, sleep-tousled hair and turn a hollow expression on him.

"Theres a couple of hundred possible suspects" I say solemnly, my voice is eerily calm. Not in the least like the constant rippling that's coursing over my skin. "Perhaps it was the ones who poisoned me, or the ones who tried to hex me, or maybe it was the ones who are sending sack-fulls of curses by mail. You pick the odds".

Snape seems surprised, I've never spoken to him with less then respect. Now he looks at me as though I told him he should go play in the traffic. "You should tell the headmaster". Snape may ben a heartless bastard the majority of the time, but when it came to his house it seemed to become very personal to him.

"What would he do? What could he do. He doesn't give a stuff about me or my family" I begin to unhook my robes, intent on changing and getting the breakfast before it gets to crowded for my liking.

"Dumbledore has a good reason for not liking your family" Snape replies dryly. "Yeah. 'Cause Father followed Voldemort. Why would Dumbledore care whether i'm getting what I deserve?". Somehow Snape is managing to get alot of the thoughts I've dwelled on for the last few days out of me.

He calms again and then I realise. It was an act, he was purposely fuelling my to stretched temper to get the answers he wants. I chuck my robes aside and ignore Snape's eye darting over my bare-chest. No doubt counting the amount of pale scars, instead his eyes seem to sharpen and his mouth twists into a thoughtful frown.

He's staring openly at the scars now. I jerk my trunk lid open and begin to rummage for clean robes, finding a pair I pluck the prefects badge from the dirty pair. Shrugging the robes on my hands clumsily move to fasten them. Snape's brow furrows and he turns on his heel. "Talk to Dumbledore" he says silkily as he leaves.

"Buggar off" I growl quietly, my fingers unnaturally clumsy as I fit the first fastening. I can tell he is going to talk to the headmaster anyway, the nosy old git will stick his head in. I'm surprised that he's letting me stay at this school, it's common knowledge how much he hates anything to do with Voldemort.

Well he won't have to worry about me much longer. If things keep on going the way they are it'll be me hanging from the astronomy tower in a week.

Quite honestly, I don't care either. I will keep on going, but my life isn't important. Prolonging it is only bringing misery upon everyone around me, maybe it's better if they just let me die.
    
    Baby baby wakari wa shinai, kesshite
    aku ni tsukaetsukusu yorokobi
    Baby baby nikumi uramareru hodo
    takamaru no yo
    koori-tachi no PURAIDO
    
    
    Baby baby You'll never know
    the joys of serving evil.
    Baby baby As much as you loathe hatred,
    it swells
    the pride of ice.
    


	9. Omoi Tsuki

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Nine: Omoi Tsuki  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/n: Love ya'll for the reviews. Your brilliant ^_^ err... time for more Individual thankyous :P  
Chibi Tanny: For going so far as to add me to her MSN to bug me about updating..persistance is a virtue?  
Marina: Exackery! Thats what I was thinking with the whole Dumbledoreish thing.  
Ji Nu - ^*Star Goddess: Yup. Looooooots of angst. Lots n lots n lots...Kakakaka .;;  
SunKitten: Thankya, that was an interesting review if I ever did see one. ^_^;;  
Cybele: Aaaaah you caught onto me, there is no plot! Kakakaka! Er...but there will be ^-^;; as I said, this baby writes itself.  
Mrs Malfoy: Thankyou. Er..yea Thanks :D  
Me: I know ya love it, don't stress dear. Your losing your touch girlie! That review was only 291, good to have my bubbliest reviewer back to normal..as normal as that is of course.  
Sum41junkie: Thankyou thankyou thankyou :P  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd  
Silvaerina: Thankyou gor all your comments and suggestions, lovely and helpful ^_^;; And also for the lyrics suggestions. Might have to take you up on that soon, this song isn't very long v.v;;

And I wanted to get this one posted quickly. The new ending song is from Fushigi Yuugi again, it's called 'Omoi Tsuki' or 'Dark Moon'. Kinda bummed about running out of lyrics from Pride of Ice but this one oughtta be as good. Anyways, on with the story ^_^ Sorry this chapters kind of short, I just ran out of steam for this chapter, and as for the plot thing...what plot? Nah jus' joking, it'll have a plot...sort of...maybe...kind of.

*****

I stiffen as a calm somewhat neutral voice calls out my name. I pause but don't turn, I know who it is. I don't need to look to pick that ancient voice, wise and with more knowledge then one man should ever possess. "Mister Malfoy?" I turn slowly, raising my eyes to stare at him quietly. 

Snape's told him, I realise this as he observes me over the rim of his half-moon glasses. "Would you mind if we have a small chat?" he asks in a perfectly conversational tone, but I can feel the seriousness within it all the same. This was not an offer that could be turned down.

I stare at the ground as I trudge toward him. Will I ever make it to one entire day of my classes within the first week? We pause before an ugly stone gargoyle, I could've sworn it's eyes gleamed as Dumbledore speaks without a qualm, 'Peppermint Toads'. I always did think the man was a little less then sane.

We rise up the magnificent staircase that was hidden by the gargoyle in silence, the ancient wizard before me not seeming the least bit uncomfortable. You can't understand old fool. Don't you see that? No one can understand, this is just payback for centuries worth of bad karma from the Malfoy Family.

We reach the top of the stairs and I step solemnly through the door he holds open for me. I take a seat in the leather chair solemnly as he moves around the other side of the table and takes his own seat, lazing back comfortably in the chair before lifting his head to give me a small, compassionate smile.

Fool. Why bother with manners around me? I can tell you can't stand to be near me. "Professor Snape has been to see me this morning Draco" he begins, twirling a loop of silver hair around his long slender fingers. "I understand that a great deal more is going on then the staff are aware of. He has told me someone killed your owl..".

I clench the armrests of my chair with my good hand, my bandaged one clumsily fumbling over the leather. "This is a very serious matter Draco, can you tell me if you know of anyone who would do this?". I lift my head, unable to stop the increduous drop of my jaw as he stares at me somberly.

"It could be anyone in this entire bloody school" I spit back unable to stop myself. This man is to pure, to good, why must he speak with me as though I am an equal? He falls silent for a while, his eyes never leaving my face as though searching for something other then a pale, tired and confused little boy.

"The summers changed you Draco" he says calmly. Whatever it is that I expected him to say, that certainly wasn't it. I force my eyes to close, just leave me alone old man. I don't need your pity, just let me get on with it.

"It's also come to my intention that you haven't been eating". A muscle in my mouth twitches as I take a deep breath in. Father why did you have to do this to me? I was alright...I was alright.

"Draco?". God just let me die will you? It's nothing to you anyway old man, just another Deatheater's son gone for good. "Mister Malfoy, this may be hard for you to hear but I want you to listen very carefully. There will always be those who are predjudiced against others because of a certain circumstance, most of the time it is not even the persons fault. Your father did alot of damage Draco, it is only natural that alot of people would feel anger toward you".

My fingers grip the armrest tighter, soon i'm sure i'll tear holes in the fabric. "But this Draco, does not give you any excuses. Letting yourself die is a terrible waste, you have alot of promise in you. Starving yourself will not do anything to help your situation, do you understand me?".

I squish my eyelids harder together as a burning sensation forms in the back of my eyes. Damn you old man, I will not cry in front of you, why can't you let me be? "Draco. I must ask you to please look after yourself. More people care about you then you realise". The burning in my eyes subsides as one tear slips out, I shudder and reopen my eyes.

"You know nothing". My voice is hollow, the bitterness that tinges it almost shocks me. Dumbledore gives me a sad smile, "you must first forgive yourself before you can expect to find forgiveness from others" he replies quietly. "How can I forgive myself, I can't change the fact that my Father killed in the name of a deranged Wizard and was punished for it. I can't change the fact I am his son. There is nothing I can forgive myself for".

He's staring me in the eyes. Probably trying to figure out whether what I am saying is for real, or whether I am acting. Turning my head away I try to ignore his eyes following the trail that another tear is making down my face. "Draco I am going to ask you to come to my office, one period a day during the school week" he said slowly as though the answer was still unsure to him. A strength that shouldn't have resided in a body so old filled his voice.

"I am going to teach you" he said solemnly. I turn my head back to him, "what do you mean?". My voice is dull, emotion-less, I'm surprised that he isn't sick of the sight of me already. He lifts his greying head with a quiet satisfaction, "to forgive" he replies calmly. 

"I don't need your help" I reply shortly as I force myself to stand. Brushing aside tears with my sleeve I turn to leave. I don't need you to tell me that my life is over. "Draco, I expect to seeyou here tommorrow morning". 

"Why can't you just leave me alone" I finally hiss out. I'm sick of it all, I hate the way he looks upon me with sympathy. I am the son of his enemy. Dumbledore raises his head to watch me, "why do you care?". 

"Because you are a person Draco" he replies. "And I believe in second chances". 

I can't take this anymore. Standing the chair jerks back as it violently thrusts backward. "I don't deserve any second chances" I snap back as I turn toward the door. "Go back to helping someone who needs it. I don't need your pity and I don't want it", I begin to stalk out of it.

The old man should have been startled. He should have at least had the decency to let me leave. Instead he chooses that moment to speak up, "Draco. Everyone deserves a second chance". I clench my good hand and turn back to him, he doesn't even seem the least bit phased. Perhaps I know why Voldemort is so scared of Dumbledore, the man simply doesn't give up. As stubborn as a mule with enough power to back it up.

"Well that everyone doesn't include the son's of homicidal maniacs does it? Or social outcasts? Perhaps you should take another look at that handbook of yours". I bite my lip as I walk out of the office, I pretty much just told one of the most-respected Wizards of my age where to get off.

I can make it on my own. I don't need his help or approval. To think that my own father put me here, you put me here Father. You let me sink into your own narrowminded circle of thought and I don't know whether I can escape. But no, I don't need his help. Just like I don't need you anymore.

Let me breathe on my own. I never did get to stand on my own two feet, well I will. Not with you at my back father, constantly directing me onto your own path of thinking, nor with him there. I don't need someone to tell me what to think, I'll be damned if I make the same mistakes as you did Father.

Break the chains you hold over me Father so I can be free. I don't need your shadow to hide in, I can do this on my own. I can face those who hate me because of you, I can prove that I'm not like you. I am not like you. 

They can laugh and sneer. But i'll never be like you again. I spent fifteen and a half years of my life being like you father, believe me it will not happen again.

yami no naka kara hibiku utsuro na warai  
hitori samayou fukai meiro no naka  
hakanai omoi, kareta hana  
kokoro kuruwaseru yo uzumaku honoo

kuroi tsuki ga Boku wo tsutsumu  
nanimo kanjinai mama  
kono karada wo Zutazuta ni saite  
nami no kanata fukaku tsuresatte

(Translation)= A hollow laugh reaches my ears, echoing from the darkness.  
Alone, I wander around in the deep maze.  
A faint hope, withered flowers...  
The swirling flames drive me mad.

A dark moon engulfs me.   
I can't sense anything as it tears my body to shreds   
and takes me away, deep into the waves


	10. Dolls of Stone

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Ten: Dolls of Stone  
By Cathy-Bloom

*****

Next mornings strangely uneventful for me. Everything seeming to drone on in a dull colourless blur. I don't get why everyone seems to be watching me. I'm hunched over my plate, reluctantly taking a piece of toast I butter it solemnly, ignoring the hissing that is Blaise Zabini, spreading vicious rumors.

Pansy Parkinson is hanging off his arm, cooing and adding her own acid tongue into the fray. As I take a bite out of my toast her sickly giggling meets my ears, the urge to hurl the mouthful of toast back onto the plate roars through me but I force myself to swallow.

I can feel eyes on me, Dumbledore no doubt, making sure I'm 'looking after myself'. He can get stuffed if he thinks I'm going to one of his lessons, I don't need a contrascending batty old fool peering over me pretending he understands what I'm going through. He has no idea what it is to be thrown into hatred and predjudice so suddenly it takes your breath away.

He couldn't know what it feels like, people respect him, just like people respected us once. Not any more. A screeching noise interrupts my thought before something swoops past and a piece of parchment lands on my breakfast plate.

Reaching out I slide the letter open. My eyes barely have time to focus on the writing before I realise I don't want to know what it says. The handwriting is Joannes, and she is not happy.

'Draco'. It reads, 'I have recieved a letter from Dumbledore about you already. Your mother has enough to worry about without you adding to it. You are truly the most selfish person I have ever laid eyes on, tell the school not to worry us with your trivial little problems and for them to deal with you themselves'.

I feel my hands begin to tremble as I crush the parchment into a ball in my hand, throwing it at the floor I stand abruptly, slinging my bag over my shoulders I turn and hurry out of the hall. I can't let them see me like this.

I reach the doors and I can't hold it in anymore, throwing them open I take off at a run. My feet thud loudly against the floors skidding around the corner I lurch down the long corridor, I have no idea where I'm going, all I know is that I can't stop. I have to run, I can feel the now familiar stinging in my eyes, the feeling that comes between the long periods of indifference or anger.

No I'm not sad. I'm not hurt. I'm not lonely. I'm not depressed.... I-I can't stand it. My feet slide out from under me as I skid around another corner, slapping the floor with a painful smack. Crying out loud I push up from the slippery floor, my arms are shaking..my legs are shaking, I can't get control.

My hair is flopping helplessly in my eyes, the moisture that trickles down my cheeks is driving me slowly crazy. It spills from my chin and splatters on the floor beneath me. I'm selfish...I'm pathetic. I'm useless...talentless..why can't they let me just die now. Why won't they let me do them all one giant favour and rid themselves of me.

Gods I wish they would. Anything to end all of this, anything at all. I force myself into a sitting position, tears staining my cheeks as I stare at the opposite wall. My bag sliding lifelessly to the floor from my shoulders, my hand begins to scream in protest as I reach to grab for it.

Staring stupidly down at the thick bandaging I watch as the crisp white begins to colour, slowly turning a soft pale pink before deepening into a deep crimson red. On shaking legs I try to force myself to my feet, I can't let anyone find me here. I don't think I can face classes yet, my knees are weak as I lean against the wall to retrieve my bag.

Catching my shaking breath I wipe the moisture from my cheeks, at a more controlled pace I head for the nearest exit to the grounds. I slip past the tapestry of the four founders and slip out of the castle. Passing the backs of the greenhouses my breath wheezing painfully in my lungs as a fresh wave of tears roll down my face.

Making my way towards the lake I slip quietly into the one private spot I know of. I never used it that often in the last five years, I stumbled across it one day when I was exploring in Second Year.

A large boulder set into the lake side plants, clambering up onto the large round stone I shiver throwing my bag back onto the bank and hugging my knees protectively to my chest. A light wind rustles my fringe as it brushes my stinging eyes, fluttering aggravatingly into my vision.

I lower my head to stare down into the rippling surface of the lake. Only disturbed by the wind that's making my robes flap and billow out away from my body. Unbuttoning the front of my robes I shiver as the wind proves to be chilly. They billow fully out behind me now, no longer hindered by the silver clasps that held them in place before.

My unbandaged hand still trembling I clutch at my other arm nervously. I don't know why it is but the solitude is calming me down slowly, but surely. It's cold, gods is it cold. The chilly breeze proving to be a lot 'chillier' then I first thought. But it feels good, whipping my hair back from my face.

The occasional spray of lake water splashing me when a particuarly violent gust of wind would pass. It's growing stronger and more violent and soon every alternate gust draws more of the water-spray into the air and brushes over me.

The wind chaps my lips, skinning my face bright red. But I don't want to leave, I can't leave. I feel safe somehow, being here makes me feel protected in a way I'll never feel anywhere else, most likely ever again.

The weather seems to suit my mood, turbulent and melancholy. Emotions stirring through me like the dark clouds rolling over each other over my head. Shaking as the wind slowly picks up, whipping another spray of water over me, goosebumps rise on my arms and my teeth chatter in my firmly set jaw.

Closing my eyes as splatters of water begin to hit me, small splashes at first. Just the occasional droplet dripping down, not unlike the tears that have slowly come to a close. Now they are heavier, coming more often. Soon my hair is being flattened against my head, the ends dripping with the water that's been absorbed.

The wind is driving the rain in through my left, soon I'm shivering violently on top of the rock. Slowly, making sure to be careful on the slippery surface of the rock I stand, lifting my head toward the writhing skies to stare at the violence of it all, deep violets and grays meet my eyes.

Constantly moving and writhing over one another, shaking like crazy I flex my good hand, it's numb to move and as a particuarly violent gust of wind throws itself at me i'm splattered with another wave of raindrops.

My shoes squeak against the slippery surface as another fierce roar of the wind gusts past me, the increasing violence of the storm for the first time registering in my mind. Shakily I move to get down from the rock, somehow i'm falling. My feet seeming to slip out from under me as I go into panic mode. 

My back cracking painfully against the slippery stone on my way down toward the choppy water. I slap the water hard, with a sickening splash and the throbbing in my back intensifies, my hands brush the pond weed as the current of the lake pulls me further toward the center, toward the deeper water.

The water swirls around me in a daze as I find myself struggling to stay afloat. My robes absorbing the water and making me sluggish, I shrug the already unclasped hinderance off of me and watch them float away, half-submerged. I'm bobbing up and down like a cork in water now, my head dunking under as I try to get control.

My brain seems to freeze. I have no idea what i'm doing, all I know is that it's cold, so very very cold. Spluttering on water I struggle in the freezing choppy water, the wind whipping viciously down at me as my back screams with pain.

I must have really hurt it. I flail my hands out desperate for anything to keep me afloat, my hands rake through thin air and murky dull water.

As more water invades my mouth I choke violently, I can't seem to get my head straight. Panic, panic, panic. Is this how it ends now is it Father? Not much of a waste is it, everyone wants me dead already. May as well just give in, better then giving them the pleasure of causing my death isn't it?

Right Father? Never let the muggle-lovers get the other hand? Never let the mud-bloods get the satisfaction of knowing they've won. Well i'm not gonna die quite yet father, not if I can help it. I flap my arms uselessly in the water, attempting to keep myself afloat as my back screams once more with unearthly pain.

I'm about as good in the water as a brick. Threatening to sink at any moment, the wind roaring in my ears every time I manage to resurface, the rain stinging my eyes as I gasp for breath. Laboured and heavy, it's driving me insane.

And then i'm under again, the water gurgling heavily in my ears, dimming the roar of the storm above. The water is swirling furiously, I barely have time to think of the things that are inside of this lake. The giant squid, mer-people...shuddering I paw my way to the surface.

Gasping a huge breath into my burning lungs I splutter as more water invades my wind-pipe. Going to die, I'm going to drown out here. I struggle sluggishly in the increasing weight of the water, I feel something lodge loose from my pocket and drift away. My wand....that was my wand.

_garasu no kakera, shizumu tsumetai manazashi   
ishi no ningyou, KIMI wo kaete-itta_

_kokoro wo atsuku kogashite mo  
todokanai omoi wa kudake chitta yo_

_kuroi tsuki ga BOKU wo tsutsumu  
kioku no mukougawa e to  
kawaita me ni utsutta omokage   
maboroshi ga temaneku tooi umi   
kuroi tsuki ga BOKU wo tsutsumu nanimo   
kanjinai mama kono karada wo ZUTAZUTA ni saite   
nami no kanata fukaku tsuresatte_

__

_(Translation)= _Shards of glass, sinking into your cold stare.  
Doll of stone, you were changed...

As my heart burned   
the thoughts that couldn't reach you scattered in pieces.

A dark moon engulfs me   
To the far side of memory   
With dried-up eyes, I see a faint vision of you.   
The vision beckons me to the faraway sea.

A dark moon engulfs me.   
I can't sense anything   
as it tears my body to shreds   
and takes me away, deep into the waves


	11. Blue Eyes Blue

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Eleven: Blue Eyes...Blue  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/n: WOO YEA BABY! -coughs- ahem, we made it to fifty :D Fifty reviews You people rock my socks! Seriously now. You realllly rock my socks XD Anywayyys, thankyou for the brilliant reviews. Now to mention a few names and answer a few questions. Chibi Tanny, you rock my socks doodette, err..right ^-^;; Ji Nu - ^ *Star Goddess you are correct. Joanne is a bitch. wowsergirl, I hate cliffy's myself, .;; which would explain WHY I did it? Me, no need for the whole pretensey look-alike draco .;; honest there isn't i've got my very own Tomo, even as much as I would like to get rid of him..*eyes the SD Tomo waving his clamshell threateningly*. Happy Late-Valentines to you too! OOH and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! animegirl- mika Yay my all-so subtle hints aren't really so subtle! Narcissa is an interesting point, Joanne is not including her in the little Draco fiasco, but there'll be more from Narcissa in the future, and it aint gonna be happy.* SD Tomo skips in with a mallet and begins beating the author over the head* stop giving away secret details! Kakakakakakaka.. S.E.A Er...if you can read this then i'm hoping all is well and you can now read the rest of the story, otherwise this is completely pointless, if you by some miracle can WAIII GO YOU! You are my 50th Reviewer! and last but not least Mrs Malfoy, another faithful review.

There goes another mammoth Author Note! Right now i'm listening to Tokimeki no Doukasen from Fushigi Yuugi..go me :P er right, the new lyrics come from the song 'Blue Eyes..Blue' which is the image song for NAKAGO ( dun dun dun! ) it is also from Fushigi Yuugi...the other song was ratha short v_v;; but oh well, I've got a whole line-up planned now. Just gotta fit them in the right slots :D Another short-ish chapter but alot happens. Sort of...Let's just say Draco starts to open up abit, a tad. *SD Tomo waves his clamshells threateningly* -akkakakakakakakakka - er right. Let you get on with the story now ^_^;; happy reading.

*****

Black. All I can see is that same eery darkness, a faint drone echoing far away in the distant reaches of my mind. As a faint tinge of red hints into the distance of the dark the echoing becomes louder, growing clearer until a distinct tone comes into it. Someones voice, someone is speaking.

I can't recollect why I'm lying so still or why it's so soft. I also can't explain the searing pain that shoots up and down my spine. Something has happened I know.. Something has happened that I should remember.

Father, ahh yes Father. How could I forget? I'm here because of you. Everybody hates me because of you. But why am I here right now? Why does my back hurt.

I can't focus, my mind refuses to concentrate as the voices clear and I can make out their faint conversation. " - He's very lucky really, if Bill hadn't been inclined to go down to the lake to look for his wand then he would have drowned. I'm surprised he is even breathing".

They're talking about me. A lake, a wand...the lake. I remember now, I fell into the lake, hit my back..and my wand, I lost my wand. The red takes over from the black and I slowly open my eyelids, they slide shut again almost immediately as a reaction to the invasion of brilliant light and I moan turning my head away.

Mistake, big mistake. My neck grinds and ebbs with pain. My voice comes out as a rasp as I gasp with pain and the talkers turn toward me, their figures dim and undefined. "Is he awake?" one whispers almost nervously to their companion, "it looks like it" came the calm reply.

"Draco, can you open your eyes?". I open my mouth to protest about the blinding light but find my tongue lolling dryly in my mouth like sandpaper. Odd, how could it be so dried out when I very near drowned. "Bright" I manage to rasp out, there's uncomfortable shuffling before the blinding light suddenly clicks out and cool shadow invades the room.

I slowly reopen my eyes, a heavy ache residing behind them as I blink several times to adjust to the shadows of the room. Standing over me is none other then good Saint Lupin and Pomfrey. She rushes over and places a hand to my forehead, brushing my long fringe from my face and clucking her tongue as she inspects my face.

"What on earth were you doing out by the lake in the middle of a storm! Honestly Mister Malfoy, I thought you would have more sense then that!". Her raving sweeps straight over the top of my head and I can see Lupin's faintly amused smile threatening to break out over his lips.

She finally purses her lips and gives a loud sigh. "Well you've really done a number on yourself. If Bill Weasley hadn't been out there you would have drowned Mister Malfoy. You are a very lucky boy indeed". I can't stop the loud snort that escapes me, my eyes sting as they widen incredulously.

My lungs feel very heavy and it's a trial just to breathe. "She is right Draco, you are very lucky" Lupin confirms and I slide my eyes closed again. Good old Saint Lupin, you can't give up on anybody can you?

I'm surprised to hear an amused chuckling from the werewolf and I reopen my eyes, Madam Pomfrey is eyeing him scandalously. "Honestly Mister Lupin, this is no laughing matter!" she says huffily but instead he continues to chuckle as he stands there. Pomfrey turns to glare at him, "if you are going to laugh at sick people I suggest you do so elsewhere Mister Lupin. Honestly you of all people should understand!".

Confusion must have crossed my face by the look Lupin is now giving me, it's certainly fogged my mind. He raises an eyebrow, his laughter coming to a halt. "That's better, now you keep an eye on Mister Malfoy, I have to go check on Miss Fawcett. Honestly that girl is the most accident-prone little thing I've ever struck".

Pomfrey stalked away muttering, her heels clicking on the clean hospital wing floor. Lupin casually seats himself in one of the chairs beside the bed and picks up a copy of todays Daily Prophet. I can't help the nagging phrase that's tugging at my brain. Something Madam Pomfrey said, 'you of all people should understand'. What's that supposed to mean?

Lupin appears to be stewing over something, chewing his lip thoughtfully as though debating over whether to say something or not. He appears to have decided as he set's the paper aside once more and turns to gaze intently at my face. His face is so serious it strikes me.

Why should Lupin of all people understand me? He's a Gryffindor, a teacher, one of the 'good guys'. And he's a werewolf. Strange how people are judged by stereotypes everyday. Lupin isn't at all what I thought a were-wolf would be, everyone always told me werewolves were pure evil, they enjoy killing, enjoy spilling blood.

But Lupin doesn't seem at all like that, he's your average Gryffindor. Brave, smart enough to make a decent Professor, good-natured and with all-so-many morals. And then theres Father, a pure-blooded Wizard from a respected old Wizarding name. A slave to a blood-spilling heartless bastard, a Deatheater. 

Two different stereotypes completely proved wrong by two very different people. "Why were you at the lake Draco?". His question startles me and I lift my head to look at him. His gaze is thoughtful and unwavering, it makes me feel as though I can't hide anything.

"I got a letter..I had to think" I croak out, startling even myself. I hadn't expected to answer him so quickly. "Who sent you this letter?" he asked calmly, in a perfectly conversational tone. Prying nosy git.."Joanne..our maid". Again the answer slips out before I expect it to. It's almost as though they've shoved Veritaserum down my throat. Or maybe it's just the fact that with Lupin staring at me like that I don't think I could manage to lie.

"Draco did you jump into the lake on purpose?". At this I blanch, they think I tried to kill myself. They think I did it on purpose. Did I do it on purpose? Did I really try to drown myself..? No no no. "No" I echoe aloud this time.

Relief filters through his face but the doubt still lingers, somewhere in the sea of tired amber eyes. "I didn't think so" he replies running his fingers absently through his shaggy mess of hair. "I understand Professor Dumbledore wants you to take lessons with him?". I frown, my lips twitching.

"Old fool" I mutter quietly. Lupin peers back at me "he is wiser then you give him credit for" he replies quietly. I don't know how he's managing to weedle answers so easily out of me, I've always been able to hide true feelings behind a smirk. A laugh..a sneer. 

"Why did they bother to save me?". My question hangs in the air and Lupin's gaze intensifies, the relief that had flooded his face drying up and dissapearing. "Because you are going to be a brilliant wizard some day Draco. That's why" he replies firmly his amber gaze leaving no room for discussion. 

I puzzle over his conclusion as he picks the Daily Prophet up again and begins to read through it. I lift my head toward the cieling my neck protesting furiously, "what did she mean 'you of all people should understand'?" I ask hoarsely and he glances over the Daily Prophet.

"I spent a great deal of my time at Hogwarts in this very Hospital Wing. Transfoming is not a painless procedure" he replies quietly. The room falls silent and I close my eyes again, before I know it I've drifted off again. 

kooritsuku yo na sabaku wo   
zutto aruite-iru you da   
watashi wo unda sono ai wa   
ima no chikara wo yurusu darou ka? 

aishikata wo shiranai n' da   
aisareta koto ga nai kara... 

Blue eyes...blue   
kazoe kirenai kanashimi ga   
yagate fukai yami ni naru   
Blue eyes...blue   
tatta hitori no nukumori mo   
omoidasu ni wa toosugite...   
Blue eyes...blue 

(Translation)= I feel like I've been walking for a long time  
in an icy desert.   
Will the love that created me  
forgive the power I have now? 

I don't know how to love.  
I've never been loved.

Blue eyes...blue  
Countless sorrows  
soon become deep darkness  
Blue eyes...blue  
The memories of when I felt someone's warmth  
are too distant...  
Blue eyes...blue


	12. Blue Thorns

_Summary:_

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much._..

Pride of Ice

Chapter Twelve: Blue Thorns.  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/N: Eeeee Thankyou People Peoples :D Remus flashback coming I swear, I got Wow-ed Gosh I'm happy. Er..not a good thing when trying to write angst but anywayyyys last chapters AN was incredibally long so i'll leave this here and move on with the story! This chapter is considerably longer. 

*****

Morning, how I've come to dread that word. It signals only another day of trial, another day of suffering. The Professors try, they try to hide their anger, their disgust and predjudice. For Dumbledores sake at least, but they can't stop the disgusted stares, I can see them mutter beneath their breaths as they walk past me shooting angry glares toward me.

I'm not the only one who notices either. Blaise Zabini's new hobbie is trying to figure out which Professor hates me the most, he even set up a betting board with each of the Professors names. Whoever guesses the right one get's the prize.

Then there's the students. Prefects are supposed to be respected, they are supposed to be the role models for younger students to work off. Respect is a word that doesn't fit into my vocabulary anymore. Even the first years sneer and laugh at me behind my back, they loathe me.

Who cares anymore. I can't let them think they've won. Because they can't, I'm simply not going to let them. They can laugh and sneer all they want, but who will get the last laugh when I graduate, when I get out of here and start again?

You may have broken me father. You may have subjected me to pain and ridicule, but I can get through it. I can show them that I'm not like you, I'm a real Malfoy Father. Malfoy's aren't as you always told me, a real Malfoy wouldn't let themselves become a slave. No, Malfoy's are proud, intelligent and cunning.

Malfoy's are winners. 

I am not lonely. How can I feel loneliness when I've never really been close to anyone? I never loved you Father because you never loved me. I was just a pawn in your games of power, a liability that could be disposed of as soon as you found it suited you. I was never your son, I was 'the boy'.

The wounds you've created in the bottom of my heart won't heal Father, no matter how I tried to earn your respect, no matter how many times I followed your orders you never once gave me anything. You never once showed you were proud I was your son. Maybe I should have seen it before all of this. I should have realised what you were but I didn't.

You were a fool father, you still are. Rotting away in Azkaban until your master chooses to break it open. I suppose you're already insane by now. You were never strong father, you were a follower. As much as you liked to think of yourself as powerful, as much as your title stuck out in a line of wizarding names.

You were weak. You are weak. I can see why you ended up like you did Father, you are to weak to stand up for yourself, so when someone came along offering you more power you jumped at the chance. You crave respect and power, almost as much as you loathe the 'mud-bloods' and 'muggle-lovers'.

And I was a nothing, nobody. A piece of clay to mould to your will, so you would have a heir. Another predjudiced bastard of a Malfoy to carry on the line. I'm not like that Father, I can't be what you want me to be anymore.

I could never respect you ever again now, you dishonoured me...stained the Malfoy name, shattered my reputation. People won't even look at me anymore father, they will laugh and jeer at us, or simply scream abuse.

They hate me. They hate you. And mother..mother didn't deserve any of this, yet you let it happen, you knew there would be consequences for what you did, but you still did it anyway.You let us, your family face the rest of wizarding community and their hatred, and even I could see how two-faced and blind the rest of the community is.

I will break the cycle. Let me loose and I'll shake up the people, they'll never know what hit them. I'm on the brink of falling and I know they won't except me, but I have to try. I was born to try.

Let me breathe for a moment father, let me be free from your shadow. Break the chains so I can laugh, so I can dance. Let me be who I want to be, I'm not you but i'm forever in your shadow. Forever seen as Lucious Malfoys son. 

I am Draco Malfoy. The dragon. I don't know why you gave me such a name father but right now I think it's falling into place, I think I know why Snape was staring at my scars the other day. I inspected them in the mirror and made out a very vague, impressionistic dragon head on my chest. Pale purple scars crossing over the pale flesh.

Strange, my name dominates my entire world no matter how much I try to escape it. Maybe my bodies telling me something I can't accept, I'm not just a Malfoy anymore. I have to become Draco.

I will become the Dragon. Strong and powerful, wise and cunning. 

I slowly fasten my robes, wiping the silver P on my robes absently before turning toward the door. It opens before I can reach it and Snapes head sticks inside, he has a sour expression on his face as he strides inside upon finding me awake and dressed.

"The headmaster informed me you haven't been to any of the special classes he has set up for you" he says cooly, his dark beady eyes resting on me with a piercing intensity that takes me back a few steps. "I am no different to any other student, I don't see the purpose in them" I retort sharply and cooly.

Levelling my gaze onto him as I fight to keep calm, big deep breaths and focus. Don't back down you are Draco Malfoy. 

An odd twitch crosses his lips as though he's fighting the urge to scowl harder, "I suggest you take his offer Draco. He is offering you an oppurtunity that most students would never have a chance at". "Because he pities me. I don't need pity" I find myself retorting as I fluff my fringe out of my eyes, "Why shouldn't he pity you Draco. You've had a rough couple of weeks" comes the cool reply, logical as always.

"Pity doesn't solve anything. I'd rather get on with it" I reply sharply, sharper then I intend. "Sometimes you can't just get on with it Draco", theres an odd tone I can't pick in his voice and his eyes seem to have intensified. "Oh and you would know would you?" my voice is sharp and high, god i'm losing control again.

Sure enough the prickling in my eyes comes again, I was doing so well. "Actually I would" was the hollow retort, Snape took a step forward smoothing his long black robes, his intense gaze never faltering. "Then you know they won't stop. I can't ignore them and move on, I have to face it and take what they throw at me" I retort my voice shaking as a glass bead trails down my chin.

"You shouldn't have to just take it" Snape muttered and I rise my head brushing the tear away irritably, another thing I've lost control of. "But I do".

"Draco, just go to Dumbledores office. After breakfast, if you don't feel it was worth anything then you don't have to go back". I sigh and close my eyes, giving a nod of my acceptance. 

The door clicks shut signalling he's left and I slump into a seat on the floor. My legs folded to either side of me, gripping my hair in my hands as I feel my shoulders begin to shake, I can't let myself lose. I can't lose what little I've got left, Mother..money...and my Pride.

I can't be weak. I can't or I'll lose it all, I'll lose all three. They'll take it all away just like that, not that I deserve any of it. You always got what you wanted didn't you father, when you wanted power someone came along and gave it to you. You wanted the mud-bloods gone and someone came along and helped you out.

You thought he was handing you everything you ever wanted on a silver platter, all he really wanted was someone to pin the blame on. Someone who would go to Azkaban, you were only one of them father. No more his favourite then Crabbe or Goyles fathers, each as dull-witted if not more then their sons.

Now I'm suffering for your blindness, your stupidity in believing what you were doing was right. You liked to see their pain, you liked to see them suffer, how much pain have you put Mother through? 

Mother never deserved any of this. She has to suffer with me now, for your sake, because you were stupid and to blind to see the truth. 

She deserved better then either of us could give her, but she put up with it. She still loved you, even if you never loved her back. 

I think I'll go straight to Dumbledore, I can't eat this morning, any appetite I had is gone now. I stand and trudge toward the door wiping more tears from my face as I swing it open and slink down the stairway and toward the exit of the commonroom. Several members of my class are lounging around on the sofa, "hey Malfoy! Heard you took a nice swim in the lake, such a shame you didn't drown in there".

I throw open the doorway and slip through stiffening, you have no idea how much I wish I did. Shaking I trudge up the dimly lit stone passageway, it's always so dark and cold down here. A harsh push on my shoulder sends me sprawling into the close stone wall, I wince as my shoulder buckles and I crumple down the wall.

It happened so fast I still can't understand what happened. Then I see Blaise towering over me a small crude smile on his sharp face. "You think you're above us still don't you Malfoy. I think it's about time you realised your nothing, you are a nobody. We all wish you would go hang yourself from the astronomy tower got it?".

He draws back his foot and boots me hard in my exposed stomach. My breath is knocked right out of me and I lie dazed for several moments trying to regain my sense of direction, he boots me again glaring down at me. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to fall Malfoy. You always thought you were invincible didn't you? I knew they'd prove what a loser you really are", he snorts before turning and heading toward the common room.

I lie for several minutes, trying to gain control and figure out what had happened. It takes me several attempts to stand, mainly because I'm still not quite recovered from the fall, I lean for several seconds with the wall as my crutch. I slowly balance myself before walking on, resignedly walking to Dumbledores office.

He won't get the satisfaction of stopping me in my tracks, no Blaise Zabini has no idea just how stubborn a Malfoy is. He will understand though, because he won't stop me, more like he can't stop me.

I don't want to fall to pieces again, so i've got to get a hold of myself. But a little bit, just a little bit I want to approach Dumbledore just as I am. I want to see how he would react to seeing one of the proud, stubborn Malfoys walking into his office broken and lost.

I have to get a hold of myself. Carefully rubbing the newly formed tears away I push through a tapestry, taking the shortcut to Dumbledores office. He's bound to be there already, he usually has breakfast early. I've never seen him at breakfast before this year, I usually didn't get up until I had to.

I can't stand this, the way people who used to respect me, used to fawn over me, pretend to be my friend, they now act as though i'm the walking plague. 

It doesn't matter, in the end none of this will matter. I stand before the same ugly gryffin stating a quiet, "Peppermint Toads" it jumps aside and I step onto the magnificent marble staircase behind it. I find myself at the top all to soon, I don't want to be here. I step through the doorway shakily, sure enough he's sitting behind his desk, staring into his pensieve thoughtfully.

I take a seat as he waves a hand at me, he places the gleaming white substance aside and lifts his head to gaze at me thoughtfully over the rims of his half-moon spectacles. His gaze reminds me strongly of the centaurs, it lacks the incredible sadness but still, every bit as blue..as suffered.

Tension hangs in the air, it feels heavy just like the prologue of a thunder storm. I can almost fell the electricity building in the air, he sighs as he takes off his spectacles and begins to clean them on his robes, he lifts his head to me a small sad smile on his lips. "So you decided to come" he says sombrely.

Why does everything have to be so dramatic. I'm here for one reason only, to get Snape off my back. "Draco I hope you understand that you are here not just because of your father". I lift my chin stubbornly to eye him, he flinches. My eyes have lost nothing of their hollowness, I think it scares him to see them so dead.

"Such cold blue eyes Draco, why do you hate yourself so much?". I stare back at him, hate myself. I guess he's right, I'm pathetic and I tell him so. He raises an eyebrow, "why?" he asks simply.

"I couldn't see my own Father was using me. If that's not pathetic then I don't know what is" I reply shortly turning my head away, it's going to be a very long year. 

tsumetai kabe ni motarete   
yatto hanbun nemuri tsuku  
watashi ni totte tatakai wa ikiru  
akashi to hitori tsubuyaku 

sabishisa tte kanjinai n' da   
yorisotta koto ga nai kara...

Blue eyes...blue  
kokoro no soko ni furitsumoru   
kizu ga aoi toge ni naru   
Blue eyes...blue  
tatta hitori wo mamoretara...   
nanika ga kawatte-ita darou   
Blue eyes...blue 

I fell half asleep   
while leaning against a cold wall.   
"For me, fighting is the proof of living" I mutter, alone.

I can't feel "loneliness"   
because I've never been close to anyone...

Blue eyes...blue.   
The wounds piling up in the bottom of my heart   
become blue thorns.   
Blue eyes...blue.   
What could have changed...  
if I was able to protect only one? 


	13. It's Gonna Rain

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Thirteen: It's Gonna Rain  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/n: Another new song, more new lyrics! The song used in the previous two chapters was 'Blue Eyes Blue' another one from Fushigi Yuugi, this time a Nakago Image song. It didn't seem to fit as well as the other songs have been so hopefully this next one fits abit better. As the title implies the song is 'It's Gonna Rain' from Ruroni Kenshin, or Samurai X. I think it fits this chapter quite well, and here comes the Remus Flashback that was asked for. I can't quite remember who it was so it's gonna be in there anyway @_@;; Gomen! Anywayz, more Remusy goodness in this chapter, and Draco seems to have learnt something from his first session with Dumbledore. This has a bit more of a positive feel to it I think but it's not over yet! :D Gosh I'm evil..I think Tomo's rubbing off on me. -Distant 'Kakakaka'-ing can be heard- This is kind of short as well which i'm sorry for, I just can't get the chapter length up at the moment! Ahh well, I'll let ya read the damn chapter now as that's what you're here for in the first place, not to read all this random az bullshit. Thankyou all for Reviewing and keep on doing it, I love Reviewers ^-^;; 

*****

Surprisingly Dumbledore has given me something to think about. Which is probably why I came back. After what happened last time I don't know why I did, but this place still holds something for me, it allows me to free my mind in a way that no other corner or cranny in the entire school can.

Rainclouds are surging again, deep violet in the violent skies that are writhing like snakes above me. Perhaps Dumbledore isn't such a fool as I thought, he's still an interfering old bat, but I think he may know more then he lets on. He said I could take the second class of the day to go away and think for a while.

Some people have the ability to make you talk, tell them things that you would never dream of telling anybody. Dumbledore's one of those such people. Something in the air allows me to clear my head, the pressing turbulent skies roll around me but still, I somehow feel safe again on that same old boulder.

The lake doesn't look as turbulent today. The water is lapping gently against the base of my boulder, gentle and calm unlike the rolling skies above me. I can hear footsteps, carefully treading through the long swishy grass, a squelch from the wet areas, I wait for a mutter or a curse but all I hear is a short exhausted chuckle.

I ignore it, I need to think. It's always this way, you find something good then someone else comes along to invade it or take it away. "Do you mind if I sit here?".

The voice is tired but vaguely cheerful, I nod my head absently. Two pale hands reach up on top before he hoists himself into my view, flecks of silver stream prominently through his hair today, heavy bags are gathered under tired bloodshot eyes and his skin is pale. Full moon last night.

He settles himself beside me on the boulder, his thin shabby robes wrapped tightly around his form as he turns his eyes upon the writhing skies above me. "How'd you find me" my voice is quiet and hoarse, to be expected after the Spanish Inquisition I was put through this morning.

He flashes me a thin barely there smile, "I used to come here sometimes, mostly after I transformed and my friends were suspicious". I glance at him again, the heavy shadows under his eyes showing just how tired he really is, despite his valiant attempts to appear as he usually is, cheerful yet serious.

Strange really, of all the people who deserved the pain of being a werewolf, he was the last person I would have shown such a harsh road. It falls silent, him lost in his memories and me thinking over the events of this morning. Maybe I will go back again, to Dumbledore, at least it means Snape will get off my back.

"You went to see the headmaster this morning then?". He startles me from my silence and I glance toward him to find his eyes still upon the sky, slightly narrowed as he watches the storm clouds build. "Yes" I find there isn't anything I can say, "do you think you'll go back?".

I hug my knees nervously, I've never really talked to a professor before, apart from Snape, but he's my head of house, he has to care. I nod my head again for the lack of words that come to mind. 

As silence reigns again I try to build up enough courage to do what's been threatening my mind for a long time, I need to know why. "Why do you care?", there. The words have left my mouth, his eyes leave the sky and turn to me with a small sad sort of smile. 

"Because as much as you wouldn't like to believe me, I know what it's like" he replies. I can see him struggling to hold onto his smile so I turn my head away, I can imagine what you would say if you saw me now Father. Talking to a muggle-lover, a werewolf, an outcast to society. The truth is I'm just like him now Father, society doesn't want me anymore.

His voice breaks into my hearing again and I for once in my life, listen. "I was only a very small child when I was bitten, my parents searched for a cure, spent all of their savings trying to find someone who could help. But in that day there was nothing that could help, they drained all of their savings away trying to find a cure", I turn my head toward him.

He looks suddenly very old, his face lined with wrinkles that weren't there before. I can't help but remember all the times that I taunted him about his robes when he taught in third year, how I sneered at how obviously poor he was, even when I saw what a talented teacher he was.

"When I was accepted into Hogwarts, I was amazed, my parents as well, we had always been shunned by the Wizarding world. Whenever someone found out what I was, they wouldn't want me near them. That's the way it always was before Hogwarts, but there I found friends, friends who didn't desert me when they found out what I was" he lifted his head toward me vaguely, the wrinkles seem to vanish before my eyes and I can see him.

Just a scared kid with tortured eyes. "You have to realise Draco, life is never easy, as much as you would like for it to seem. Some people get a free ride if they're lucky, but others.. you can't let something like this destroy you. If your father had never been sent to Azkaban, you wouldn't have changed at all Draco, is that something that you really want?".

He twists his head toward the sky where a distant rumble erupts. "The rains coming" I say aloud, he gives me a vague small smile as another rumble echoes over the grounds. "It reminds me of a lion" he says quietly, "a Gryffindor would say that" I retort quietly, a small twitch at my lips letting out the faintest hint of a smile.

As the first fat salty raindrop drips onto my nose I shift and slip down off the boulder, he follows suit landing with a light thud before brushing off his shabby robes with his fingers raking a path through his silverflecked honey-comb hair. The rain begins to fall faster splattering over my head and I raise an arm over my head before taking off toward the castle as it soaks through my robes.

Lupin hurries, easily catching up with long strides as the lion roars loudly and another heavier cascade of drops splatters over me hitting my face and flattening my hair. Glistening drops rolling down my fringe I hurry toward the castle, the lion snapping at my heels roaring deafeningly in my ears.

I wanted to stay a little longer, but the drive of cool rain on my back drives my right into the shelter of the castle doorway, I burst into the great hall dripping with Lupin behind me. He shakes his shaggy mass of hair sending cascading drops flying, spraying the carpet. 

Shaking my hands to drive away the water running down my finger tips I hear the lion roar again and carefully shut the giant door behind me, cutting the loud roar shut with a clang. My soaking fringe drips water down my nose and sends it pooling from my chin frowning I shake my head in much the same manner as Lupin had before.

I turn toward the passageway that would lead me to the dungeons and give a quiet almost indistinguishable grunt of goodbye, he merely smiles, "I'll see you this afternoon" he comments calmly as he dissapears down another passageway, leaving me to trail the cold stone passageway, lit with glowing torches, adorned with dancing flames that spark as I pass them.

I can still hear the lions thunderous roar as I trail down the corridor, my robes leaving a dripping trail behind me. 

I wish I could have stayed for longer out there, I hate the rain. Hurrying myself along, all I need now is to get sick again. I've had enough of the Hospital Wing already to last me the year.

A particuarly ferocious roar shakes the castle, even deep down in the descending tunnel into the foundations of the castle it shakes, the lion must be angry today. I should hurry really, Dumbledore was right I guess. I do feel better, abit anyway, at least I feel as if I can face Zabini for today.

Pausing before the long stretch of bare stone wall I mutter quietly, "Blue Dragon" the wall sliding away I hurry through the commonroom, ignoring the dirty looks I'm sent from a pair of seventh years, no doubt using their study period to play a game of Wizarding Chess beside the fire.

My footsteps sound loudly down the stairway leading to the dormitories, hurring along the hall intended for Sixth years I slide open the doorway carved with the letters, "DM". My mirror gives a distasteful sneer as I enter dripping water over the floor, I ignore it throwing my soaking robes over my head and hanging them off the bedpost.

My bare chest trembles with the damp cold and goose-pimples begin to form, I ignore it searching for one of the thick green towels that I know are somewhere around my room. Spying one hanging out of a cupboard I snag it and wrap it around my head to rub the water from my hair.

I can do this by myself Father, you can't do anything to hurt me anymore then you already have. My hand is no longer so thick with bandages, only one layer and a thick gauze layer to stop me from busting the stitches. 

Another rumble echoes far above, sounding so very distant from the very foundations of the castle. A bell clangs loudly in the air signalling the end of the second class, the begginning of Lunch time. I rub furiously at my hair and the moisture stops dripping leaving it damp and fluffy, touseled in odd directions from the fury of the large green fluffy towel.

The pale glow cast by the lanterns hanging from my cieling casts odd shadows over the wall, I pluck a dry set of robes from my trunk and pull them down over my head. I feel refreshed and clean, maybe the rain wasn't to blame after all. Maybe it was just what I needed.

I turn toward the mirror as I begin to fasten my robes, my hair falling in soft tufts through my eyes, into odd angles in the air. I glance toward my comb before ignoring it, I kind of like the way it looks. A glimpse of pale purple is visible through the tufts of hair, the scar on my forehead making its presence known.

I attempt to smile at my reflection, an odd lop-sided weak sort of twitch of my lips replies. Good enough. You're behind me now Father, I don't need to torture myself over your mistakes, you may have tainted my name, ruined my life but I can rebuild it all if I try. I have to try, it's was I was born for after all.

I leave my robes lose, leaving them fastened up until my collarbone, tinges of green silk that line the inside showing up. 

I look nothing like the Dragon that stared back at me last year. That was the old Draco, naive and cruel. No, I am different, I am the real Dragon. Lupin was right, I won't let this destroy me, because it was meant to happen. Time moves on, things change and in the storm the lions roar is deafening.

Just watch me father, the rain won't forget. I won't let it.

I leave, ignoring the mirrors sarcastic sneering. I tramp upstairs, the light dancing over the walls cast by the shadows of the flame, it snaps and crackles, I wish I could have stayed longer in that peaceful place.

I stride through the common room, stray students picking up forgotten items for their next classes, I pass them by, keeping my chin up. Another roar of thunder echoes through the labyrnthine passages as I pick my way through them, so familiar, yet so very different.

The path to the Great Hall is automatic, so easily traced through the map in my mind. I pass through the doorway, cold grey eyes surveying a stunningly full hall of people so naive. Few people are not so innocent within these tables, yet each and everyone stands out so bright amidst the waves of disbelievers that it stuns me.

Potter, the easy one to pick. I can see he was never so naive, he is laughing with his Gryffindors but he always has the same signs, in his eyes. It's all in the eyes, Lupin of course, Dumbledore, not so many students, but I can still pick them.

The ceiling reflects the rain outside, another roar of the lion brings a quiet to the hall. They've noticed me, well some have, I don't often bother to come to the hall at lunch when it's so crowded. I make my way toward the end of the Slytherin table, blandly ignoring the sharp whispering that lingers in my ears.

What an entrance I make. I sit calmly, beginning to eat as I ignore the curious stares, the malicious stares. The lion roars again, not happy to be ignored for the sake of one student. The rain intensifies outside, the heavy blotches that pour from the cieling dissapearing somewhere over my head.

Yes I hate the rain. It drums softly, a perfect percussion on the invisible cieling above. Even as I begin to eat they stare, what is there to stare at? I miss the point of them staring when they never bother to say anything to me, no they ignore me, yet they continue to stare as though I'm a display in an art gallery.

Taking a drink from my goblet I don't even flinch. Every movement, every expression. Constantly being watched, watched, watched. Why they bother is beyond me Father, perhaps you would be happy that I still attract so much attention, even after the news has become old they still continue to whisper viciously as though it were announced yesterday.

I miss the peace and I wish I could return, what use would that do? I would still be naive like them, I like to think that I've gained from this. Well Father, let's blame it on the rain shall we?

Ashidori mo karukushite chao chao  
Torumono mo toriaezu chao chao  
Raion ga unaru mitai no raimei ga  
Taisan wo unagashite iru  
Dou naru no?  
Sou...mou sugu ame

Dai kirai ame nanka chao chao  
Mou sukoshi itai noni  
Kaikan ga kaisan ni kawaru shunkan wo  
Raion ga isogaseta no wa  
Meihaku No! Meiwaku  
It's gonna rain!

Ame wa mou aribai wo kesu no?  
Kare wa mou wasurete shimau no?  
Futari wa mou korekiri ni naru no?  
Subete wa ame no seitte koto ni shite okou

(Translation)=   
Footsteps are lightly taken, chao chao   
But hurrying anyway, chao chao   
The thunder like a lion's roar   
Prompts a dispersion.  
What's going on?   
That's right...the rain's coming.

I really hate the rain, chao chao   
I wanted to stay here a little longer, chao chao   
In the instant when the pleasant   
sensation was changed,  
When the lion made me hurry   
It was obvious, No! Annoying.   
It's gonna rain!

Has the rain erased his alibi?  
Did he already forget?  
Is this all the two of us will become?  
Let's make all of this the rain's fault.


	14. Like the Weather In England

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Fourteen: Like the Weather in England  
By Cathy-Bloom

A/n: 

*****

A week ago I talked to Lupin in the rain. A week ago the storm began, the storm that still rages outside, lashing the windows with splatters of rain and unearthly wind. Sometimes it calms, let's silence take over for a few hours, even an entire day of overcast skies before it erupts again.

Sitting in the back of History of Magic I stare out of the window, I can just catch a glimpse of the lake in the corner of the window, overflowing and choppy with the storm that rages continuuously around it.

The other Slytherins are passing notes, muttering, turning snide glances upon me as they attempt to distract themselves from the boredom inflicted by the legendary Professor Binns. A shiver rolls down my spine and I turn my head briefly away from the window as the door of the classroom clicks open.

A timid first year shuffles in, her eyes intently studying the ground as she shuffles towards Professor Binns. Her cheeks are already burning as she lifts fearful eyes toward the ghost saying in a nervous whisper, "P-professor Dumbledore told me to give you this". Binns glances down at the folded parchment she held out nervously, her hands shaking. I watch Binns reach out a translucent hand to take the parchment and the girl shy away almost immediately before bolting for the door which shuts with an audible 'snap'.

Binns unfolds the note, reading through it his eyes sharpen before he lifts his head and glances over the class. "Mister Malfoy, you are to go to Professor Dumbledores office", surprise washes over me as I stare in confusion back at him. Sliding my idle parchment and quill back into my bag I stand, ignoring the smug smirks that are proudly displayed by the other Slytherins as I trudge toward the door, skipping over a foot planted intentionally in my path.

I shut the door behind me puzzling over what Dumbledore could want me for. I had gone to another of his sessions this morning, missing yet another of my other classes, this time Defense. I haven't seen much of Lupin since that day in the rain, the only time I've talked to him was in class answering a question.

I reach the now to familiar Gargoyle and announce another ludicrous password, "licorische wand". The gargoyle springs away and I mount the brilliant climbing stairs. The brilliant white is startling on the eyes, the stairway seems to climb for eternity in time, my knees are shaking by the time I reach the top.

Something tells me that this is not a good thing that's brought me here. What else could go wrong? I push open the door to find a solemn Dumbledore, his face is drawn tightly and he looks almost sad. He raises his eyes and I'm startled to find them echoing the aura of sadness that seems to consume the room.

"Draco, please sit down". I comply with his wish, something has happened, but what. I thought I had nothing left to lose, I thought I was safe. His hands are absently trailing over a piece of parchment, I can recognise the Ministry seal on it from anywhere, finally he seems to have gathered his thoughts as he lifts his head quietly, seeming so very very old.

"Draco I'm afraid I have some bad news for you", he carefully extends the parchment over the table and I don't move. I know I don't want to see what's inside that letter, god knows I dont. "I wish I didn't have to be the one who tells you this" his voice is soft, meloncholy. "It's your mother Draco".

I extend a trembling hand to take the letter, Mother. What's happened, at a loss for actual words I lift my eyes toward him questioningly. "She took her life Draco". My heart feels as though someones suddenly squishing it with all their strength, my eyes begin to sting as the pain comes to my throat. 

My fingers shake as I open the letter out again, a spare piece of parchment flutters freely landing face up on the ground, Mother. The printed script is deadeningly black. Finality lingers in those words, no sympathy, no condolences. Only pure simple fact, brutal as it is bare. 

As tears splash down my face I don't think I can stand it. Mother.. she couldn't handle it anymore. You broke her father, her heart, her mind and her soul. How could you do that to someone that loved you? Did you ever love her at all, even the tiniest bit? You killed her with your ambition.

My mind seems to shut down and soon I don't know anything but my own thoughts, and the letters on the piece of parchment before me. I don't know how long I've been sitting here now, it seems as though it's been a thousand years since I read that one sentence.

'Family of the Deceased, Narcissa Delta Malfoy'. Why didn't they stop her? Why didn't Joanne do anything, she was suffering. He reduced her to a wreck, you father. A hand touches my shoulder and my walls slip away, Snape must have entered at some point, his hand is shaking my shoulder a hint of concern mingled inside those cold black eyes.

"I think he should go to the Hospital Wing Severus, Poppy will take care of him", Snape appears to have nodded because he's carefully pulling me from my chair. He steers me from the room and back down that endless winding staircase, my eyes blinded with tears, my hand clenched firmly around the meaningless letter.

My feet slap against the corridor floor, my head spinning as thoughts batter their way through it. She couldn't take it anymore, how could she feel so much pain? The walk to the hospital wing seems to take only seconds, lost inside my own mind as Snape steers me along, sneering and yelling at any curious by-standers who happen to get in the way.

The Daily Prophet, no doubt they'll have something to say. How can I cope now Mother, how am I supposed to stay strong when I've got no-one left to stay strong for? The pain swirling inside me is unbearable, I have to get it out before I explode.

How people would laugh to see us now. The proud pure-blooded Malfoy Family in ruins, Father in Azkaban, Mother dead and me, a pathetic mess still trying to hold onto what tiny scraps of pride and dignity I have left. Holding onto the little sanity I can muster.

Madam Pomfrey seats me on a bed questioning Snape thoroughly about why I'm here, she lets out a gasp of shock before she carefully pushes me down onto the bed pulling blankets over me and murmuring to Snape who doesn't seem all that responsive, quiet and shadows overcome me.

Snape still stands like a watchdog beside my bed, his arms folded over his chest as he attempts to hold a staunch air about him. Whispering starts up outside the curtains drawn around my bed and he leaves with a frown implanted on his face, his harsh aggravated whispering joins the pair and a furious debate erupts in hissing whispers.

Snape seems to have lost as he gives a permissive grunt but doesn't return, the curtain parts and Lupin enters his amber eyes flashing over the room before resting on me. "Draco", his voice is quiet and sincere, he takes the seat beside my bed his hands weaving together before raising his eyes toward me.

I raise my eyes toward the cieling, opting not to look into his sympathetic eyes. That wouldn't do, sympathy is for the weak remember. That's what you always told me anyway didn't you father, well you're wrong. Forcing myself to look back at his face. Outside I can hear the rain drumming heavily on the rooftop, the window pane is splattered with the wind-driven water.

*****

Standing at the swollen lake-side I fold my arms over one another. I can see the dragon writhing in the clouds, desperate to be set free from the crying skies. The heavens' tears bathe me in their cool breath, Mothers funeral is in two days. You can't even attend your own wifes funeral Father. My hands begin to shake so I clench them into fists.

The Daily Prophet didn't waste anytime printing the story, in fact Mother made the headlines. 'Wife of Convicted Deatheater Takes Life'. The entire school knows now, which is why I'm once again out here, in the middle of another rain-shower. I leave for London in a few hours, taking the Hogwarts Express alone back to Kings Cross then flooing home.

What a home it is, still near full-to-the-brim with Dark Arts literature and materials, still stained with the blood of my Mother. 

The wind whispers condolences in my ears as I stand, my eyes following the rolling of the ripples. Another chip of Pride melting away. The angels tears soak through my robes, curling down my cheeks until the sound of footsteps padding through the soft ground hurry forward, lightly taken.

The rain can teach you many lessons, if you listen to it I guess. Another footstep, louder, followed by a squelch. Instead of the expected cursing theres a soft, almost ironic chuckle. He came again.

I can't help wishing something would change, my mind is so over-run with the growing ball of pain inside that it simple won't change. It would be a relief if only I could feel something other then this pain, Mother couldn't take anymore. I know that now, it still doesn't mean I won't miss her, it still doesn't mean I don't need her.

The rain brings back the pain that was forgotten, the pain I wish would go away. But he is here again, if only he would say something. I turn my head toward him and recieve a quiet, sad smile. "When's the funeral?", his voice is respectful and filled with sympathy. "Two days" my voice is hoarse, I don't even seem to know what day of the week it is at the moment.

"It will be okay Draco, you'll see". "But how do you know", I turn my head to face him completely, "how does anyone know it's going to be 'okay'". He rubs a hand through his greying hair and smiles a mournful smile at me, "because it has to be" he replies softly.

The rain softens into a faint mist, it brushes over my skin like the breath of the heavens, a gentle whispering of the wind rustling in my ears. Didn't this all begin in the rain?

The day that changed my life completely comes fresh into my mind, the day father was arrested. It had been a typical day for me, sleeping in until half past ten. I'd arranged to meet Crabbe and Goyle in Diagon Alley at one in the afternoon, then Joanne came screaming for me. Pale as death with a letter crushed in her hand, Mothers sobs were already echoing through the manor when Joanne threw the letter at me and ran.

I'll never forget what that letter said. 'Mrs Narcissa Malfoy, The Ministry of Magic has discovered your husband to be involved in the dark activities associated with the Dark Wizard Voldemort. He has been taken into custody and will be given trial tommorrow afternoon at 1pm sharp.'

That was it. No-one showed any sort of sympathy to a Death-eaters family. It wasn't heard of. 

My hands begin to tremble again as I unclench them and stuff them in my pockets. Lifting my head to try and make out the hint of a clear sky beyond the thick rain clouds. For the briefest second I catch sight of the magnificent clear sky, it vanishes almost as quickly as it appeared.

But it was there, a glimmer of hope shining through. I sneak a glance toward him, his eyes to are upon the skies, his worn face is troubled, gravely solemn. "For what it's worth" he begins quietly his lips barely moving, his eyes remaining intently focused on the writhing clouds overhead. "I'm sorry".

Sorry. What has he to be sorry for? I turn my head fully toward him, trying to see his face which he keeps expertly trained out of my sight. "Sorry?". The question in my voice is so evident it even surprises me, "about your mother" he adds somewhat hurriedly before turning toward me.

The smallest hint of a smile twitches at the corners of his lips, he weakly tries to fight to keep it there but the smile doesn't linger. It dissapears in a flash and he sighs, "I truly am sorry Draco" he says quietly before turning swiftly on the slippery mud-slicken ground and squelching his way back up toward the castle.

Kare kara no renraku wa Nothing Nothing  
Ame ni yoru kyoukun mo Nothing Nothing  
Kanjou mo igirisu no tenki mitai ni   
Utsurigi dattara totemo  
Raku nanoni...gyaku na no  
It's gonna rain!

Ame ga netsu wo yomigaeraseta  
Kare mo futo watashi wo omoidashita  
Futari wa ima koko ni michibikareta  
Subete wa ame no sei, uun, okage na no

Ame wa hito wo yondari keshitari   
Dare yori mo tegowai majishan ne  
Futari wa itsumo damasarete bakari   
Subete wa ame de hajimarun deshou...

It's gonna rain!

(Translation)= As for calls from him, Nothing Nothing  
And lessons from the rain too, Nothing Nothing  
If my mind would change  
Like the weather in England  
That would be a relief...but it's the opposite.  
It's gonna rain!

The rain has made my fever return.  
But he also suddenly remembered me.  
The two of us were guided to here now.  
It's all the rain's fault, no, thanks to it.

The rain calls people and makes them disappear--  
A magician stronger than anyone.  
The two of us had merely been fooling each other;  
And didn't everything start in the rain.

It's gonna rain!


	15. The Inescapable Maze

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Fifteen: The Inescapable Maze

A/n: Oookay! Got my first ever Flame for this ficcy ^_^;; er..right. Not something to be happy about. ~Raises an eyebrow at her muse who's disco-dancing in the background..'burn baby burn Disco INFERNO'~ eheh.. Anyways. The sad thing is that I totally agreed with it o-o;; and yes, I am getting on with it already .;; Gwak! Anyways, thanks for all the reviews, sorry if I've sort of not been answering questions posed by reviewers cos my systems all screwy an they haven't been coming through my email. Confuzzling, but yeah! I updated woOoHooO ^_^ geeze I somehow jumped from 52 to 72..how'd that happen @_@;; Right, back to the fic. Ooh one more thing, I was thinking of getting to a certain amount of chapters, say 20, and then doing some chapters in first person with Lupin. If ya think it's a good idea, say so in your reviews, if you think I should jus stick with pure draco-ness, say so in your review ^_^;;. Cheers Y'all. Ooh..another thing, the new song at the bottom of the chapter is another Fushigi Yuugi one, this one is 'Winner'. Right, on to the fic.

*****

I stare up at the massive structure before me. Strange as it seems it feels good to be back at Hogwarts again, the manor just doesn't feel like home anymore. Of all the places I ever thought I'd miss I didn't think it would be this one, especially after the hell that's been the begginning of my year. But the Castle beckons me warmly, the brilliantly lit up windows like brilliant beacons in the wind tossed skies.

Hogwarts has a feel about it, it always manages to seem warm and inviting in a way that the manner that the manor never had. I pull my cloak closer around me as I shove the heavy iron doors open and trudge through into the torch-lit entrance hall. My numb fingers seem to take to the change of temperature and I can't keep the small smile that tugs at my lips briefly.

The need to smile however dissapears when I spot someone not so welcome, Potter spots me at about the same time I see him. He stares curiously at me for several seconds before giving a tentative smile. Now that's a development, "ah...". He tugs at his robes avoiding looking at me as he scuffs his feet over the carpet.

"I'm sorry" he mumbles finally. Sorry? What has he got to be sorry for. "Excuse me?" blunt lack of understanding tacks it's way into my voice and he gives a startled glance, daring to lift his head. "About your mother..I mean I read it in the Daily Prophet..". Mother, no need to be sorry for me. She's free now.

I don't know what quite to say, after all, Potter has been my greatest rival ever since the first trainride in first year. "Thanks". Keep it nice and simple, nice work Draco. He gives an awkward sort of nod before all but fleeing up the closest passage, sighing I run my fingers through my wind-swept hair, it's been a hectic few days.

Mothers funeral was small and private, with only close relations coming for it. None of Mothers 'friends' showed up, it wasn't surprising really. I don't think that the crowd appreciated my speech very much, they didn't seem to take it very well that I was happy that she'd found a way to help herself.

My grandparents hadn't been particuarly pleased with me. But they never have been, I can tell they never wanted their daughter to marry you Father, they never did think very highly of you even before this whole mess.

I stick my hands into the pockets in my robes and begin to walk, I promised Dumbledore I would let him know when I returned to the castle. The last few days have passed so fast it's like a whirlwind of memories in my head, I still need some time to get my head around it. 

I ascend a flight of stairs solemnly, I know exactly where I'm going now. The reporters for the Daily Prophet were furious when my Grandparents wouldn't allow them to attend the funeral, they've always been like that though. Grandpa is a very private person, he thinks that some things should be kept sacred.

I hug my arms tight to my chest as the cool lingers from outside, the corridors are draughty. My cloak seems to do little to aid in the search for warmth and I can't help but gaze longing as I feel warmth draughting out from underneath one of the doors. I near jump as the door clicks open as I pass it and turn my head towards the person whos peering out of the door with a small smile on his face.

Lupin straightens in the doorway giving a slightly crooked smile. "You've returned" he says calmly before stepping back in his door. "Would you care for a cup of tea?". I blink almost stupidly at him while he maintains his attempt to look calm and completely unphased by my obvious puzzlement.

I give a vague nod before turning slightly to step through the doorway. As he steps out of the way to give me entry, a wash of warmth rolls over me. Catching sight of a merrily roaring fire crackling in the hearth it takes a great deal of self control not to just rush straight over and attempt to thaw my frozen fingers.

He seems to have realised my inner debate and gives an amused smile. Pointing his wand lazily at a kettle sitting off in a corner, a whistling begins to stir from within it before he turns back to me. "Drag a chair over to the fire, I hope you don't mind me saying but it's bloody freezing". 

I shake my head wordlessly, watching as the werewolf directs two of the chairs toward the fireplace with a flick of his wand. They land with a thud on the thick mat infront of the fire and he seats himself calmly. Uncomfortable. That's one word I'd use to describe how I feel right now, glancing down at my robes I begin to absently pick at a piece of non-existent lint.

"Sit down Draco" he commands in a perfectly casual manner. "In fact I was just having a nice chat to Mister Potter before" he continues brightly as the kettle in the corner let's out a jet of steam and it's whistling reaches an all-time pitch. He gives me a lazy smile as he leans back in his chair, I comply and take a seat in the other chair.

He sits his wand carefully on the arm of the chair. It falls silent again before he raises his head slowly and catches my eyes, refusing to let go of my gaze now he's caught it. He says in a gentle voice a were-wolf shouldn't possibly posess. "Are you alright?", I find myself nodding. Knowing he didn't quite believe me even as I stared him in the eyes.

I know I can't stay submerged in my years of blindness, I have to push on into a new way of thinking. "You could be anything you want to be Draco". I find myself staring at him in surprise, the declaration seemed to have come from nowhere, or maybe he can just tell what I'm thinking.

I shake my head almost violently. "Some people don't forget" I manage to murmur and he gives me a weak smile. "They have nothing to forget. Don't let them get to you Draco, you are not your father", I nod slowly before shaking my head. I ask the one question thats troubled me since the day you were taken away Father.

"Why did he do it?". Lupin stares back at me, "I wouldn't be able to say Draco. All I can say is that I doubt he ever meant to hurt you, sometimes peoples actions affect people alot more then the person ever intended". I can tell his words are just false reassurances, but they still help, if only a little.

"Just don't turn your back on the world Draco". I lift my head, something stirring in the pits of my stomach, a bitter tang stabs at my tongue. "The world turned it's back on me first" I reply shortly.

The whistling of the kettle reaches a new pitch but neither of us move towards it. Lupin let's out a sigh, "you have to show them that you aren't like them" he says quietly. "Believe me when I say you will regret it if you don't Draco". He finally rises, his eyes never quite leaving my face before he shakes his head and rises. Bustling over to the kettle and busying himself with making two cups of tea.

"I only have bags" he calls over his shoulder. He barely even moves his head as he pours the scalding hot water into two chipped porcelain mugs. I go to nod before realising he can't see me, instead I give a grunt of approval. How dignified, I'm beginning to sound like a pig.

He turns back to me, carefully gripping the mugs by their flimsy porcelain handles. Giving me a vague somewhat apprahensive smile before handing the cup down to me. I take a sip of the scalding hot tea, more to stall time then for real want of the amber liquid thats sending steam filtering into my face. 

"Well Draco, what do you plan to do?". I lift my head from where I'd been watching my reflection in the steaming amber liquid and instead choose to stare him in the eyes. "What do you mean?" I mumble back, barely coherent. "Well, do you plan on walking around like life itself has cursed you or are you going to get on with it?".

I stare at him wide-eyed. Nobody has ever spoken like that to me before, sure people have cursed at me, spat at me on the street. But. He seems to have noticed I'm surprised because his eyes seem to sparkle with amusement before he sets his mug down beside his own chair.

"Listen to me, don't give yourself anything to regret Draco. Because you sure as hell will in a few years, pull yourself together and get on with it". I stare at him still, allowing his words to process in my mind. He's right, how could he not be? Perfect Saint Lupin is always right, snap out of it. 

I nod once. Unable to coax more out of my less then willing body and force myself to stand, allowing a smile to twitch at my lips. "I have to see Dumbledore" I manage to murmur as I sweep towards the door. "That's Professor Dumbledore" he calls back mildly and I nod as I close the door behind me. My hand lingering on the doorhandle as I stare out at the corridor. He is right.

Nodding once again to myself I turn up the hallway and hurry toward the entrance to Dumbledores office. I have to get on with my life.

I guess pain is a security blanket. Strange as it seems it's kept me away, kept me safe from having to deal with the real world. Deal with life. The other students definitely kept my stores full with enough pain to keep me going for quite a while. But I guess Lupins right, I do need to move on. Which means I need to pass on through the 'safe' area and move up to the front-line.

I have to shed my regrets and fears from yesterday if I want to move on at all. How can I change if I can't let go of my old self? 

It's all one big circle. Pain, Suffering and Relapse. On and on, I can't see how I managed to miss if before. Like an inescapable maze I've been stuck in since the day I was born. There is no real exit, so I'll have to break through it. 

Weakness doesn't solve anything. You have to be strong to get through this life and I sure as hell am not going to stand down and let people walk all over me. I'm going to show them all, the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Gryffindors and the other Slytherins that it's one thing to criticise a Malfoy. But an entirely different thing to criticise Draco Malfoy.

*****

The rest of my class are eyeing me with contempt as I stand cooly on the other side of the fence ring. Care of Magical Creatures has become a good deal more interesting since Hagrid regained his confidence after the ordeal in third year. I can feel the great deal of dislike he has for me is still burning strongly.

My first class since I returned, it seems that after his first lesson with the Centaurs Hagrids decided to make a unit out of it. The same Centaur is back again, with its hauntingly blue eyes. His name is Firenze as he tells us as he boredly trots around the ring. When finally Hagrid finishes describing all the different features and magical abilities of the Centaur we're allowed to talk to him.

Gritting my teeth I stride forwards with the rest of the class, the Gryffindors and the other Slytherins send me none-to-happy glances but I ignore them. Petty glares won't break me down.

I pause as the Centaur begins to lazily trot toward us. Once more his eyes fix on me as though he's staring straight into my soul, those sad blue eyes seem to fix straight on me before he moves even further forward. The other students back away from me, shooting strange and somewhat irritated glares as Hagrid shephards them away his black eyes brimming with curiosity.

"The stars were correct" he murmurs curiously his blue eyes flittering over me before he trots several feet closer to peer closely at my face, more specifically at my face. "I thought even I had read the signs wrong.. I never thought that you would be back" he pauses his eyes travelling down my forehead, his sharp brilliant eyes trailing over the form of the scar barely visible on my forehead.

"The Universe has given you a second chance Young Malfoy" he murmurs absently. His eyes on the plainly day-lit sky, a vague smile crosses his lips before he turns the same mournful blue gaze onto mine. "This is your chance to repent for what you have done..". 

"The stars are promising for you, young Malfoy" he murmurs dreamily after gazing at me for several moments. "Trials you have passed already and more to come" he continues pausing before pawing the ground. "Help from those you don't expect, someone to heal you...two more trials. One of power, one of character".

I stare at the Centaur as he strides back and forth before me, kicking up the dust. His eyes are almost hypnotic, so fantastically blue its almost scary. I can hear the whispering fade away and the surroundings don't seem to matter anymore. All that matters is the strange hypnotic gaze that I can't seem to leave.

"Your time will come Young Malfoy". Then he looks away. The second those peircing sapphires break their gaze everything rushes abruptly back into focus and the whispering erupts back into the air. I fight to keep my balance as my mind escapes the mist that seems to have filtered into it, shaking my head to clear it my long fringe flutters in my eyes.

The Centaur has returned to its pacing, every now and then stopping to talk to one of the others, he talks for quite some time with Potter before moving on. I can't shake the feeling of those bright blue eyes, so mournful and knowing, searching my soul.

My time will come, what does that mean? More trials. I think I'll talk to Lupin again, he seems to make sense of these things at least. I glance up startled as the half-giant dismisses our class and people begin to traipse off back to the castle. Defense against Dark Arts with the Gryffindors again. 

*****

I pause as the rest of the class makes their way out of the classroom, shooting the odd dirty glance at me. A good deal of them have simply started ignoring my existence. It doesn't matter anyway. I finish packing my quills, ink and parchment back into my bag and make my way quietly to the front of the room where Lupin is muttering distractedly as he rifles through a mass of papers. 

He blinks as he catches sight of my before smiling slightly, "yes Draco?" he prompts, putting a hold on his unknown search through the clutter of his desk. "I..had Care of Magical Creatures this morning" I begin, fluffing a particuarly long strand of my fringe out of my eyes.

"We're studying Centaurs" I continue and Lupins typical mysterious smile broadens over his face. "One made a prediction about you correct?" he questions calmly, blinking I nod slightly. "Draco, Centaurs are gifted at birth with the ability to read the stars. Star patterns can often tell stories of things to come, or things that have happened in the past" he pauses glancing up at me. "What did this particular Centaur say to you?".

My memory seems to flash through on rewind, "something about..not expecting me to ever come back. That I've been given a second chance to repent for what I've done. That there were two more trials to come."

Lupin raises an eyebrow thoughtfully as he sinks back in his chair, neither of us aware of the red-haired Hogwarts Graduate who casually leans against the wall of the classroom until he clears his throat and gives a grin at Lupin before giving a small somewhat less enthusiastic smile toward me.

"Centaurs?" he murmurs aloud his eyes turning from me to Lupin again. He still refuses to conform to the typical-wizards-wardrobe syndrome. Dressed seemingly comfortably in his outfit that would be perfectly fitting at a Muggle rock concert. Weasley crosses the room his dragon hide boots making soft thuds on the wooden floor.

He sits lazily on the edge of the desk, curiosity positively radiating from his eyes as he grins imploringly at me. "Centaurs are perfectly accurate on most accounts in their predictions Draco. But they are usually also very secretive, they don't voice their predictions unless they feel they have good reason to. They see warning someone of the future as setting themselves against the stars. You must have struck upon a very strange Centaur indeed" the werewolf mused aloud ignoring the grin that the Weasley bore.

"Thankyou" I say cooly, shifting the straps of my bag before turning toward the door. I close the door with a quite click behind me and head towards the Great Hall. The rumble of my stomach telling me that it's time I got some food into it.

"Oi! Draco Malfoy!". Pausing I turn my head to find the Weasley tearing down the hallway after me, something made difficult by the heavy dragon-hide boots he wears before he pauses and smiles at me. "I'll walk to the hall with you" he announces frowning down at his boots. "Remind me to charm these boots" he adds aloud before smiling broadly and starting off down the hall.

He pauses finding I haven't moved and turns his head, his long redhair swinging as he does so. "Well? You coming or not, 'cause I am getting hungry and..". "Why are you being nice?". He raises an eyebrow questioningly. "You're a Weasley remember, I'm a Malfoy. We hate each other..".

He scrunches up his forehead, "aah, how could I have forgotten?" he says sarcasm positively dripping from his voice. Unable to stop the twitch that hints at my lips, "that's in the past. Father-ly feud and all of that" he says calmly. 

"Well are you going to come or not?". I blink at him before shaking my head and hurrying forwards, he smiles and extends a hand. Raising an eyebrow I reluctantly reach out to shake it, "welcome to the dark side Draco Malfoy" he announces and I raise my eyes in confusion. He blinks disbelievingly at me, "it's a joke already. Bloody hell.." he snorts in frustration.

*****

_donna koto mo yareba, dekiru tte mono ja nai   
dakedo MURI wo shichaou, jibun wo koetai kara   
kanarazu tsukamaeru, saikou no shiawase._

_Mae ni susumenai yo kono mama no kibun ja,   
kinou no kuyashisa ga tachidomaraseru kara._

_GURUGURU mawatte nukedasenai meiro.   
deguchi ja nakute mo uchiyabutte shimaou._

_yo no naka tte HONTO ni   
YAWA ja kachinokorenai_

(Translation)=  
It's not that you can do whatever you want, even if you try.  
But still, I'll do more than I can handle, because I want to surpass myself.  
I'll definitely seize the greatest happiness.

I can't go forward feeling like this.  
The regrets of yesterday keep me from going forward.

Round and round in a circle In an inescapable maze.  
Even if there is no exit, I'll bust out.

In this life,  
the weak really can't win.


	16. Winner

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Sixteen: Winner

A/n: Once again, dissapointingly short. Thankyou to all of you who reviewed my last chapter, and sorry for the delay in updating! I won't give any excuses cos they aren't really all that interesting anyways. I have a two week break though after next week so expect the updates come rolling in! This chapter just didn't seem to want to get written, it was painfully slow and nasty. -glares at the offending chapter- anywho ^_^;; hopefully it's lack of length doesn't constitute to it's lack of interest. Although I will admit, there have been about 15 more exciting chapters inside this story .;; As for the reviewers who are pleadingly not wanting slash, or in some cases no romance at all. I promise whole-heartedly this will not turn into a soppy romance fest. I'm not big on writing dramatic love sagas that end up going absolutely nowhere, dramatic angst sagas however.. O.o;; anywayz. R/R as always.

*****

Breathe. Just breathe and everything will work out. I lower my eyes from the scrutinous stares from my peers as Weasley's grin broadens even more before he strides lazily off toward the staff table with a casual, "later". The Gryffindors look simply appalled and the Slytherins lips have curled with disgust, as though they thought I couldn't sink any lower then to consort with a 'Weasley'.

I sink into my seat, my hands moving mechanically to aquire food from the all-you-can-eat buffet spread before me. I avoid their eyes, I can almost sense the words before they come. "Here I was thinking you couldn't sink any lower Malfoy". The words escape from Blaise's mouth so easily it almost astounds me.

At this time last year it would have been me who had said that. But I've changed. Don't forget that I've changed. The fork moves from my plate to my lips mechanically I avoid putting any real thought into this, I ignore their expectant stares. They want me to reply, I can't help the twitch of my lips that summons a smirk all-to-alike one that I used to wear.

"And here I was thinking that you had better things to do Zabini then make notes on my choice of company". The words spill so easily from my mouth it disturbs me, dry and sarcastic as always. But no I've changed haven't I?

"Well well so you do still have a voice, I thought perhaps you'd lost that along with your balls". A tittering from a group of the Slytherin girls erupts and I raise my eyes, slowly, steadily to meet his calmly.

"At least I can maintain that I had some balls to begin with, as for you Zabini, I can't say as much". God when will I be able to stop all these petty remarks. "At least my fathers not rotting away in Azkaban" he hisses back savagely.

How absolutely hurtful. Don't play this game with me Zabini, I was at it for much longer then you could ever dream of.

"At least he has the decency to admit what his father is" came a savage snarl from behind me. I turn my head toward where Potter stands, his green eyes glinting dangerously behind his glasses before he turns without another word and stalks off toward the Gryffindor table.

I can see Weasley gaping at him like a fish out of water. "Oh so now you can't even stick up for yourself Malfoy? You have to get Potter to do it for you? What did you do to convince him?". "I don't need anybody to stick up for me, I am perfectly capable of looking after myself" I reply sharply as my nerves start to strain.

I was always so good at keeping my cool. Egging the other person on until they erupted, it seems that part of me has dissapeared. "Ooh hit a nerve have I Malfoy? Don't want Potter sticking up for you do you? I wonder why. Does Daddy dissaprove of talking to Potter?".

I set my eating utensils down cooly before I do something drastic with them. "How should I know" I reply shortly shoving the plate away from me forcefully and rising from my seat. "Ooh, isn't Malfoy talking to Daddy?". I clench my fists and toss my head forcing myself to stride out of the hall with as much elegance as I can muster.

The Slytherins snicker heartily at my back as I close the door with a snap behind me. Calm down. I can't let them keep on getting to me, I have changed. I'm not like that anymore, I'm not like him.

*****

I can't give up now. All I have to do is stand up to them, they don't deserve my anger. They don't deserve my pain, I won't be discouraged and I won't back down. Only cowards back down from fights below themselves, and Draco Malfoy is no coward. I refuse to believe that they have the upper-hand on me, they are worthless and blinded by their own ambition. No I'm not like that, when they realise what fools they are then I will be the one laughing. I will be the one in the position to smile down at them as though they were merely foolish children.

I stride down the corridors lost in my own thoughts, things are starting to get good again. This time I'm free, not held down under my fathers thumb. Not being controlled like a puppet on a string. And people are talking to me who would never have spoken a word to me before except if absolutely necessary.

Honest people like Lupin and Weasley, even Potter. Lupin was right again, perhaps Fathers imprisonment was the best thing for me. It has to have been on purpose. Hell, it was possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. I run my fingers through my fringe as shadows of Fathers voice begin to gnaw at the edge of my mind insistently. 

It's as though something is trying to remind me, trying to keep me from forgetting about him. Two more trials to come for me. Maybe it's time for me to be ready for what I have to face, I can't just let myself be thrown head-first into the unknown again. I have to prepare for what's ahead of me.

I've spent enough time moping around. I've wallowed in self-pity for far too long, it's time to show them that Draco Malfoy isn't some pushover who'll crumble just because something so bad is thrown at him. I pause upon finding myself standing outside the door into the Slytherin commonroom, before saying the password, 'serpent king''. The hidden doorway slides open and I enter. 

I sweep through the common room my forehead furrowing with thought, wincing with disgust as I skip over the remains of a mouse someones owl has undoubtedly deposited as a present for their owner. I thoughtlessly manouver down the hall of the commonrooms, throwing open the door to my room I push inside ignoring the hissing of my mirror as I throw back the hangings of my four-poster and flop down up into space.

I need to think things over, get my mind clear and focused. The Centaurs words have had a bigger effect on me then I suppose I'm willing to believe, something inside of me yearns to know more. I can't quite understand why I don't just pass it off as a load of bullshit that some twisted mind is trying to manipulate my mind with. 

But something stubbornly tells me that this is real, that I need to pay attention to it. It feels as though something I've tried to supress for my entire life is stirring, trying to reveal itself. Something is trying to break free. Maybe it's stupid, maybe I've finally just gone and lost the plot. But something eggs me on.

Closing my eyes I take a long deep breath, the swirling inside my head lessens giving me relief from the jumble that is my own mind. I focus on clearing my mind, until only one thing burns upon my eyes. Blinding blue light stabs at my sight and I snap my eyes open. As I look around it takes several minutes to convince myself that nobody is there.

Something is going to change soon. I can feel it in the blood that's racing through my veins. I can't shake the feeling that the change is not going to be for the better either.

_hamukatte kuru no nara  
ukete tatsu made yo_

_ikujinashi ni natte,   
nakitai toki mo aru  
dakedo MURI so shichaou  
SHUN to shitakunai kara  
saigo ni warau no wa  
itsudatte watashi yo_

_itsudemo "ii ko" wa  
ii kagen ni yamete  
chotto gurai mawari  
BIBIrasete yari na yo_

_(Translation)=_

If you are going to face me, all I have to do  
is stand up to it.

There are times when I turn into a coward  
and want to cry.  
But still, I'll do more than I can handle,  
because I don't want to get discouraged.  
The one who will get the last laugh  
will always be me.

I'm gonna quit that nonsense  
about always being a "good boy."  
Just for a bit, I'm gonna  
intimidate the people around me.

A piece of utterly and useless information:  
Here goes the playlist I was listening to while writing this chapter:

  
Winner - Fushigi Yuugi  
Black Balloon - The Goo Goo Dolls  
Shut Up - Kelly Osbourne  
A Whole New World - Aladdin Soundtrack  
Hero - Chad Kroeger  
Kaze no Uta - Nurikos Song  
Heart of the Sword - Kenshin  
Born to Try - Delta Goodrem  
Koori-tachi no Puraido - Sois song  
Thunder in your heart - Rad Soundtrack  
Simon - Lifehouse  
Nocturne - Amiboshis song  
Angel - Sarah Mclachlan  
If I was the one - Ruff Endz  
Bad Day - Fuel  
Kryptonite - Three Doors Down


	17. Nocturne

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Seventeen: Nocturne  


*****

_tatakai no aida no shizuka na machi ga   
tsuka no ma no nemuri ni ochite-iku  
tooi hoshi no shita de yume miru kimi ni  
inori wo kome MERODI- todoke you_

~The quiet city in the midst of battle  
falls into a brief slumber.  
I'll send a prayer-filled melody  
to where you dream underneath   
the far-away stars.~

*****

Un-nerving silence deafens me as I enter the great hall once more. It's as though someone has come along and sent the entire population of Hogwarts into a dazed quiet slumber, taken away the whispering, the tears and anger. Their panic is beyond screaming, beyond anger and hatred, they have gone into shock.

The bold headlines splashed across the front of the Daily Prophet say it all. 'Deatheaters Take Azkaban'. Even Dumbledore looks ill, tired and lost for words, we all knew it was coming. It was always on the cards they would take over Azkaban and release the imprisoned. But it still seems impossible that it has truly happened.

Dazed eyes follow me as I stride toward my seat, even Blaise Zabini seems at a loss for barbed witty remarks today. The Staff table is bare of faculty, only McGonagall and Dumbledore sit solemnly at the centre, even Lupin and Snape missing from their usual spots. The only noise aside from the scraping of plates is the quiet sobbing from another nameless face.

I sit slowly, the gentle swish of my robes the only noise that meets my ears. Silence. God how I hate this silence, it makes me want to scream as loud as I can to block it out, it's maddening. It mocks and laughs at me as I stare at the untouched breakfast tables, Dumbledore is being watched by all. Everybody expects some acknowledgement, some words of encouragement, someone to tell them everything will be okay.

I close my eyes slowly, inhaling deeply as the raging waves of silence threaten to engulf me. Threatening me with it's dark mystery, like a sad melody wafting through the air their emotions shine. I can feel it just as I understand that there is nothing to reassure them. Nothing could possibly make it alright.

So much suffering is to be faced at the hands of one man, one sadistic man with a thirst for power. For what? So he could rid himself of his own disgust for something, because he couldn't deal with his problems. Because he couldn't face himself.

I feel a shudder roll down my spine as a pang of familiarity registers inside my mind. Everything seems to be bathed in pure ethreal blue light that ignites inside my mind. Roaring through my body with power I've never before felt, I feel elated, I feel invincible. I feel for once not so shallow and empty as I always have been.

I brush my forehead with my fingertips, gently tracing the crude scar-like form of the dragon that made my skin it's nest. I can't stand any more of this silence. Standing abruptly I turn and hurry towards the doorway, the soft swish of my robes rustling in my ears as my fringe brushes across my eyes.

I reach the entrance hall to my relief and fight the urge to scream as loud as I possibly can. The only thing that perhaps holds me back is the quiet voice that mumbles out, "so I'm not the only one who couldn't stand the atmosphere". Turning my head the former arch-enemy of mine gives a weak strained smile, his face so pale it astounds me, the livid red of his scar standing out behind jet black hair.

"Potter?". How intelligent I am, stand up job. "Harry" he corrects in that same strained voice and I nod. "I-I have to take a walk" I manage finally and turn toward the doors, I've taken several steps before I can't help but pause. I surprise even myself when I ask, "would you like to come?". I don't even turn my head around, I can sense his barely registry nod before I continue on my way toward the giant double-doors, this time with Gryffindors Golden boy walking beside me.

We walk in silence, unconsciously walking towards the Quidditch stands. Neither acknowledging each other, it suits me fine as we walk over the neatly trimmed grass, wet with dew. The cloud a depressing medi-ocre grey. "I couldn't stand the silence" I didn't think I would be the first one to speak, but he seems surprised and nodded.

"It made me want to scream". I don't understand why I keep on babbling, it's as if now I've broken the silence I can't let it return, for if it did it would never be broken again. The Gryffindor nods his head again, "it was driving me insane" he murmurs vaguely as he sits down on the groundlevel row of seats in the stadium.

I sit down myself and rest my head in my hands. "You know what this means don't you?" I mumble finally, I can't see his reaction but I can almost hear his mind working. "Voldemorts another step closer to flattening the entire Wizarding Community?" was the glum reply. "No". I glance up from my position to find him staring questioningly at me, "I was thinking more along the lines that a Gryffindor and a Slytherin actually spent over ten minutes with each other without ending up shooting hexes at each other".

He raises an eyebrow as he looks at me questioningly, "could that have been a joke I heard from your lips Malfoy or are my ears decieving me?" he murmurs in a weak impression of astonishment. "It just might have been" I reply sardonically and he gives a weak pathetic sort of laugh you'd expect of the sickly.

Silence dominates over the wavering thin line of conversation and I fall back to staring at the over-cast sky in silence. When Potter speaks it almost startles me from my silent brooding, "why do people always make the same mistakes over and over again?" he wonders aloud his eyes brooding on the sky.

Without glancing away from my designated patch of cloud I shrug, "it's human" I reply sharply. "We only learn the lessons that matter to late, and then when the time comes when we really need them again, we forget". I never stopped to think where exactly that line of logic has come from, perhaps Lupin's logical way of thinking has made it's signature on my own pattern of thought, he's certainly changed it thats for sure.

*****

koko e oide yo kanashii koto mo  
namida mo boku ga daite ageru yo  
subete no itami wo wasurerareru made

~Come over here.I'll hold   
your sadness and your tears for you  
until you forget all the pain.~

*****

"Maybe this is how it is supposed to end". I sit up abruptly turning my head towards the 'brave' Gryffindor. "You're not supposed to say that Potter, you're the 'hero' of this war remember." He glances back at me finally, abandoning the fascinating expanse of grey cloud that had taken his fancy. "I'm no hero" he replies with a shake of his head, pointing to the scar on his forehead with distaste, "this does not make me a hero".

"People like Sirius, Professor Lupin..and Dumbledore. They're the real heroes, they're the ones who suffered through the last war yet they're willing to face it all again". I watch him silently as he shudders and pulls tighter at the thick cloak that rests upon his shoulders. "I don't think I could ever do that much. I could never face any of this again, I'd surely go insane" he gives a short bitter laugh before shaking his head. "Look at me, I'm going and telling my biggest rival that I'm a nutcase".

I glance at him silently with a shake of my head. "I am not worthy of being called a 'rival' Potter. I'm nothing anymore, just the parentless Slytherin misfit who should have been thrown into Azkaban along with his worthless father". I take a large breath as the weight that had leadened my chest begins to seep away.

"Professor Lupin told me" he speaks up finally, plucking a piece of grass from the pitch and twirling it in his fingers with mindlessly. I glance at him quietly, that was why he had talked to me. Why do I bother to feel so betrayed, I knew he had told others, he had told Dumbledore for certain. I'm no different then any other troubled student. But I thought that I was at least Lupin's friend, not just some misguided student who happened to confide in him.

A shiver rolls down my spine into the pit of my stomach as the sky churns above. The silence rolls in to overwhelm me, I don't understand the point of any of this. I don't move even when he stands, "I'm going back to the castle" he says almost uncomfortably. I nod and remain where I am, staring up at the giant grey sky that seems to overwhelmingly sad it frightens me.

As the tears of angels begin to rain down upon me I shiver violently. I know that someone else is here, with Potter already halfway across the pitch I can feel something else. Why should we born into this war-torn world? I don't want to fight anymore, I don't care if they call me weak. There is strength beyond that of which is associated with fighting.

I refuse to destroy others as they have destroyed me. As the rain brushes my face I can't force myself to move, I wouldn't even if I wanted to. 

*****

arasoi ikiru no ga tsuyosa dattara,  
yowai to iwarete mo kamawanai,  
doushite hito wa kizutsukeau no,  
aisuru chikara kitto aru no ni,  
dare demo hitori, ja samishii hazu na no ni,

~If strength is living in conflict  
Then I don't care if they call me weak.  
Why do people hurt each other?  
Even though,   
there's certainly strength in loving...  
Even though,  
anyone would be lonely alone...~

*****

I'm startled from my desperate silence when a loud thump echoes in my ears. I turn my head slowly, my eyes widening with shock, fear, anger, loathing...

"Well...aren't you going to say hello to your father Draco?".

*****

Breath by breath I try to regain my voice, my control. "You" I manage to snarl out, conflicting emotions lacing through that one single word. "Such anger Draco? Really, you'd think you didn't own a penny the way your hair is all over your face...". "You!". He raises an eyebrow elegantly, leaning back upon the Quidditch stands as though he were a king lounging on his throne rather then a disgraced ex-prisoner in tattered dirty clothing seated on a hard wooden bench.

"What the hell are you doing here" I manage to say finally as tears well up in my eyes, angry tears. "Whatever do you think Draco, I came to see my son", "you have no son" I reply just as quickly as I scramble to my feet. He eyes me shrewdly. "You would do well to show some respect to your father Draco" he chides cooly his eyes stonily surveying me.

"Fathers a name you haven't earned yet" I snarl back as the anger wells up inside of me. Roaring in my ears, the fire that has sparked inside is building up. "Don't be stupid boy, and give me your wand, I need to get rid of this infernal grime. The Manor was completely deserted when I arrived".

"And what is this I hear about you turning against fellow Death eaters? That just won't do Draco, I doubt the dark lord will be very pleased with you. You'll be lucky to get initiated at the rate your going..and talking with Potter of all people. What on earth has gotten into you boy?". 

I can feel my hands shaking as the man before me stares down at me in scorn, he doesn't even know what he's done to me. He doesn't even seem to care that Mother killed herself because of him. That's when it hits me, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. My hands are shaking as I reach into my pocket and withdraw my wand my eyes lifting as a maddening urge takes over me. 

I raise my wand and he extends his hand as though to take it, when it's pointed directly at his chest he raises an eyebrow. "Draco give me your wand" he commands firmly. "You deserve to die" I snarl finally with a growl as I point my wand directly between his eyes. "But it's not my place to do it" I finish smoothly as he stares in confusion at me, "Draco what are you doing?".

"Stupefy".

*****

koko e oide yo tsukareta ai wo  
kokoro wo boku ga daite ageru yo  
subete no itami wo wasurerareru made  
oyasumi oyasumi boku no kono mune de  


~Come over here. I'll hold  
your worn out love, your heart  
until you forget all the pain.  
Goodnight, goodnight... On my chest~

*****


	18. Sick Cycle Carousel

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just to much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Eighteen: Sick Cycle Carousel

*****

If shame had a face   
I think it would kind of look like mine   
If it had a home would it be my eyes?   
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?   
Well here we go, now, one more time... 

'Cause I tried to climb your steps   
I tried to chase you down   
I tried to see how low   
I could get down to the ground   
And I tried to earn my way   
I tried to tame this mind   
You better believe that I have   
Tried to be this 

*****

I stare numbly back at the congreagtion of teachers as they crowd around my fathers stunned form. Shifting in my chair I close my eyes and hug my knees desperately. I wish someone would just talk to me, try and ask me the question that I know is lingering on every single one of thems lips.

Why. Why did you do it Draco? Is it really that hard to say, I allow my head to fall to a rest on my knees and listen to their subdued whispers, doubting and hushed. The door once more swings open and I refrain from looking up as more whispering begins. A hand falls upon my shoulder but I don't look up. I don't think I can face them, why must he always come back to haunt me. Everything was finally returning to normal, everybody was beggining to tolerate me.

Why did he have to come here. How could he not know how much pain he caused me, how much his own stupid thirst for power effected his entire family. How could he not know he killed his own wife and almost drove his only son to the same thing?

"Draco?". Lupin has moved from where he stood and is crouching in front of me, his amber eyes peering into mine as though trying to fathom my thoughts. I can feel him trying to gain a response but my tongue seems to have become a dead weight in my mouth, he sighs and then hes gone. I shift my head further to prop upon my knees and stare around at the congregation of the faculty.

"- In shock I should think, I don't think he's quite comprehended what has happened". I feel a hand close upon my shoulder again before the second grips my arm gently and and guides me from my chair. "Come on Draco, let's go visit Madam Pomfrey". 

I allow myself to be guided silently through the doors and down the winding staircase, trudging on and on down the endless maze of corridors that seem to change everyday, lined with judgemental portraits of the past that whisper as we pass them by. Yet that same gentle grip on my arm steadies me, guides me forwards, back to where I started again.

I abruptly stop and shake the hand away in frustration, I can't keep on running away. I can't keep on letting him let me take the easy way out, no I have to face this. I will face this, like I should have done from the start. Straight-backed and like a real man, not like the coward who was afraid of his own shamed-face.

*****

When will this end?   
It goes on and on   
Over and over and over again   
Keeps spinning around   
I know that it won't stop   
'Til I stand down from this for good 

I never thought I'd end up here   
Never thought I'd be standing where I am   
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this   
I guess I was wrong, now, one more time... 

*****

"I need to face this" I answer to the question in his eyes as he nods with understanding, "you are stronger then you think yourself to be Draco" he murmurs aloud before gesturing back in the direction we'd came from. I force myself to walk back towards Dumbledore's office. I have to do this, I know I do.

Squaring my shoulders I face ahead, feeling rather then seeing Lupin as he walks leisurely at my side, forever the supporting shoulder. I can see the statue of the gryffin at the end of the corridor, it's dark ornately chiselled features flickering with life from the dancing flames on their torch that are held firmly in place opposite it.

The distance seems to pass all to quickly before we are once more standing infront of it, it's marble eyes seeming to hold life. I can almost hear it's whispering in my ears, urging me to run away again. I speak the password sharply, biting it out as fast as I can to try and make it easier.

I have to get this over with. I need to face him before he destroys me completely. I step through, Lupin acting as my shadow as we silently ascend the moving staircase, portraits staring dully at me with little emotion to show. Their intense scrutiny falling instead on my retreating back, yet Lupin remains. Steady as a rock, his presence felt rather then known.

I can feel the doubts begin to gnaw at my mind, urging me to flee, to take the easy road out. It would be just so easy not to face him again, not to know, not to answer their questions. 

I set my jaw as the doorway comes into view and without a moment of hesitation I push it open and stride through, Lupin once more flanking me with support. He stops however and I know this is it, I need to take my own road forwards now, this is my path to take and not his.

I swallow heavily as I step forwards again, daring to be bold. Daring to let my heart win over my head, the burning wisp that had begun in my heart began to grow as another and another step is taken. I lift my chin to stare upon the surprised stares of my Professors, my heart burning strongly as I stride toward the chair that my fathers unconscious form was half-slumped in.

Dumbledore is sitting in his own chair, by all appearances they appear to be awaiting the arrival of someone. Perhaps an auror or ministry official, I cast my eyes over the group before allowing them to rest upon Dumbledore stubbornly. I can feel the steel growing in my eyes and my fringe brushes against the bridge of my nose, another reminder of how long it has gotten.

As though a breeze has suddenly sprung up I can feel my hair brushing over my skin, "headmaster" I acknowledge, all to aware of suddenly how strong my voice seems to have come. How much difference a taste of resolve can make. "Draco" he replies courteously, a hint of surprise glittering in his eyes as he glances over the rims of his half-moon glasses at me.

"Would you care to explain what happened?".

*****

'Cause I tried to climb your steps   
I tried to chase you down   
I tried to see how low   
I could get down to the ground   
And I tried to earn my way   
I tried to tame this mind   
You better believe that I have   
Tried to be this 

When will this end?   
It goes on and on   
Over and over and over again   
Keeps spinning around   
I know that it won't stop   
'Til I stand down from this sick cycle carousel 

*****

The half-circle of teachers whisper in congregation as I close my mouth again, Dumbledores calculating stare never leaving my own. Lupin is among the seldom few who has remained silent, himself and Snape composing of the majority of the said group. Finally after a seeming eternity it comes, a nod from the headmaster that identifies my fate.

He trusts me. 

Three words that at the end of last year would never once have crossed my mind. I dip my head quietly, relieving myself of the strenuous stare that seems to have dissolved the fire that had burned so strongly inside of me. It's dissapeared, leaving a soothing cool, like ice on a summers day.

Wordlessly I turn again to the doorway, knowing full well that I have already been dismissed. Once more the feeling like that of wind brushing over my skin passes over me, my fringe wisping its way over my eyes before settling again. I don't pause to ponder this, it seems un-important as I trudge silently down the stairway, an odd burning sensation upon the skin in the centre of my forehead.

"I've done it" I murmur vaguely aloud as I wander aimlessly through corridor upon corridor, direction un-important in my day-dreamers wanderings. I don't quite know for how long I wandered these halls, but it seems as though it was an eternity before I returned to my private dorms at the early hours next morning.

Overcome with fatigue I allow sleep to take over my mind, the fate of my father lying soley in the hands of one Ministry official and the Albus Dumbledore, and for the first time in such a long time, I feel completely free.

*****

This is a sick cycle, yeah   
Sick cycle carousel   
This is a sick cycle, yeah 

When will this end?   
It goes on and on   
Over and over and then over again   
Keeps spinning around   
I know that it won't stop   
'Til I stand down from this for good 

*****

A/n: My god! I am sooooo sorry that took so god damn long, and it wasn't even that exciting either ;; sorry reviewers who were in hope of a quick update, I fell into a slump and could not for the life of me write any further for this fic ;; I plead with you not to beg for a quick update this coming week either, for unfortunate me has exams, and unfortunate me must study or unfortunate me will not pass and unfortunate me will not recieve the bribe that was offered by unfortunate me's mother for a good pass! Blah! Curse exams and the need for an education ;; Aah hell, curse the entire ministry of education ; maybe they should sit the fuckin' exams if they're so damn important. ~.~;; Apologies and ranting your (not so) friendly local Cathy-Bloom. Oh and btw, as for my new flamer (Yay!) I gotsd a real flamer ^_^;; er right not a good thing aye? I AM planning on going back and going through the grammar, I just haven't gotten around to it yet, and considering EXAMS I don't plan to be getting around to it anytime very SOON. o_o; IOW ...Bite me. O_o; riiiiiiiggggghhhhhht and for my former 'flamer' who wasn't really a flamer but just a stand-in critic Thankya ^_^; I always enjoy abit of pushing and shoving to get on with it. I'd never get anywhere without anybody to tell me to get the fuck on with it already. And I'm not being sarcastic ;; geeze. People have a hard time telling when I'm sarcastic and when i'm not...oh dear god i'm hyper, I should just stop typing before this A/n becomes longer then this pathetically short chapter. Oopsie okay. Ooh the end is in sight I say! then I can get onto fixing up the chapters as I go. Don't worry I ain't gonna rush it or nothing, I'll take my sweet time as per usual. And once more, sorry for the shortness of this! Must Study, Must Pass, Must obtain Bribe..

Ja Ne Cathy-Bloom.

Random piece of useless info:  
Cathy-Bloom is currently listening to 'Minority' by Green Day.   
- Good song that, hmm. Green Day o_O;


	19. When We Were Innocent

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just too much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Nineteen: When we were Innocent.

*****

Satan, you know where I lie,  
gently I go into that good night.  
All our lives get complicated,  
search for pleasures overrated,  
never armed our souls,   
for what the future would hold.  
When we were innocent.

*****

I am being faced by a jury. Rows upon rows of judgemental eyes follow my path toward the Slytherin table. My every movement followed, scrutinised, by the sea of swarming eyes. Lifting my head I scan the faculty table silently, meeting an encouraging smile from Lupin along the way. I silently sink into my seat at the end of the wooden table.

I reach for the pitcher of orange juice, earning a flinch from a Ravenclaw. Strange how deadly a jug of juice can be in the eyes of a paranoid spectator. Their whispering engages me, tempting me in a dance of ulterior motives and deadly games. They want me to be the damned. I am the cursed one.

As they resume their previous engagements of morning gossip I reach for a piece of toast from the center of the table. By all appearances one would think nothing had happened. Everything was perfectly normal by the casual buttering of toast that I have no intention of eating.

Perhaps that is why I'm doing it. Maybe if I continue on as normal everything will just return to what it was, everyone will forget what has happened in the past twelve hours. Perhaps they will let me sink back into the background..

No. I know it isn't possible, even now as I set the buttered toast on my plate and reach for my orange juice eyes follow me. Taking one sip of the sweet juice causes my stomach to churn. I can not possibly force anything into my stomach today. I can't stand it inside of here. The whispering urging me to become what they believe me to be.

I stand abruptly, walking swiftly from my seat toward the doors. I can't stay. Their gossiping once more fades away to reveal harsh whisperings of deceit and betrayal. I burst through the doors in as much composure as I can muster, my head spinning as I try to comprehend all that has happened in the past twelve hours.

"Draco! Wait up!". I stop, slowly turning my head to watch as Potter stumbles toward me. "Potter - " I reply hoarsely before stopping, correcting myself with a slight shift of my head, "Harry". I watch him wreste with his backpack that seems to have caught on the silver clasps of his robes. It's strange to believe that the entire Wizarding World looks upon this scrawny, stumbling boy in spectacles, not even yet a man as their saviour.

He succeeds in wrestling his backpack away from where it was snagged and glances up at me now with a somewhat awkward smile. "Er..". Intelligent as always Potter a snide voice chides from the back of my head. I shake it off quickly as he begins to speak again. "I heard about what happened" he says finally.

I feel a small twist of irony taint my lips and run my hands through my hair, gripping it tight in my fingers for several seconds as I reply in barely a hoarse whisper, "you and everyone else". It startles me to hear the shake in my voice. A mystery in itself. I'm not afraid... I couldn't possibly regret what I've done. I can't be ..sad?

If only my heart would listen to my heads insistent reasoning. I guess some thorns stick deeper then others, you must be one of them Father. I lift my eyes back as he shifts uncomfortably, removing his glasses in the pretenses of cleaning them. Giving me just enough time to swipe away the tear that made its escape down my cheek.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he speaks up finally. My barely existent shrug seems to be taken as acceptance and he starts toward the giant double-iron doors. I follow silently behind him and we walk silently. Side by side, the dew-coated grass soaking the hems of our robes as we migrate toward the far-away Quidditch pitch.

Strange that we should go there of all places. So much rivalry between us was fuelled by this very stadium, this was what fed our rivalry. Our competition escalated as we time after time we competed against each other here. Silence seems to absorb the air around us as we pause inside of the neatly trimmed pitch.

His eyes circle the stadium silently, somewhat darkly ending upon the formidable stand-hold of the castle sitting across the grounds. "What is the point in all of this?" he whispers darkly. I turn my head slowly, my eyes meeting eyes so hollow and dark that they would be a fitting reflection of my own.

I can't seem to urge my tongue to move as my thoughts take over my mind. What did he mean. It was obvious even to someone like me how much he loved Quidditch. Not like me. No, I have never loved Quidditch. I never played for the thrill of the game. I played for the victory. I guess it all stems back down to you father.

I am brought alive from my thoughts when I realise Potter is once again speaking. I attempt to comprehend what he is saying as he barely whispers his own dark thoughts. "It's as if they all think I'm some all-powerful wizard. I'm not even a fully qualified yet. They all want me to go out and face him time after time. To destroy him. But... I can't. I can't do it. I can feel it".

I stare at him my own thoughts bubbling. I carefully open my own mouth, my feelings expressing themselves as I speak out. "They don't look to you because you're powerful Potter. They don't look to you because you're strong or because you're the champion Gryffindor Seeker. They look to you for hope. They look to you for faith. They look to you because even in the darkest of days you showed them the sun still shines. They look to you because you proved he is not indestructable."

He stares at me as I pause. His green eyes so alike my own it almost scares me. Other people too had the same conflicting scars, so raw inside that others couldn't see. Not even when they stared you right in the eye.

"You aren't their hero Potter. You're their light".

*****

Angels, lend me your might,  
forfeit all my lives to get just one right.  
All those colors long since faded,  
all our smiles all confiscated,  
never were we told,   
we'd be bought and sold.  
When we were innocent

*****

He still stares at me with those hollow green eyes. Even from the opposite side of the pen. Not that the rest of the class isn't. No, they wouldn't miss their daily episode of their own personal soap opera. They look upon me with disgust, with misunderstanding, with misplaced hatred. But he looks upon me with a need for understanding, for a want of closure.

"An' you'll have ta' try 'em out on several things. 'Ey're picky eaters an' I'm not quite sure what these one's'll take to. So if you'll all jus' pair up an move forwards".

As the rest of the class comply and shuffle toward the fenced in pen I remain completely still. A dull throbbing in my head echoing loudly in my ears as my legs, suddenly weak refuse to go anywhere. Certainly from the lack of food that has entered my body. Hagrid seems to have spotted me, still standing alone in the same spot. 

Where he had been smiling his face suddenly becomes stern. He strides forward, the half-giant towering over me as he sweeps forwards. Probably suspecting me of wanting to create a scene in his class. I don't think he will ever forgive me for trying to get him fired. Not that I blame him.

"Malfoy. What're ya' doing?". I open my mouth to reply, but merely sway slightly as the pounding intensifies in my head. Hagrid glances over his shoulder, his eye catching upon Potter who to, stands completely still.

He turns his head back to me with a frown. His face seems to falter as he looks upon me, doubt setting over his eyes as I feel myself sway again. "You alright? Yer' lookin' abit green" he comments somewhat doubtfully. "I'll take him to Madam Pomfrey". Potter's quiet offer causes Hagrid to nearly jump with surprise. He eyes the boy for several moments, obviously contemplating whether this was wise before he nods his acceptance.

"Alright Harry. You're lookin' abit under the weather yourself". I turn silently toward the castle, walking on weak-knees toward the castle. The dew-coated grass dragging at my robes as they grow heavier as the dew soaks into the material. He walks silently beside me as we leave the class in the distance, when I begin to sway again he merely slips an arm beneath my shoulder. Allowing me to lean against him.

We struggle up the stairs leading into the castle, the only sounds of our footsteps and laboured breathing. Ambling down the much too familiar path to the Hospital Wing leaves me thinking just how much time I have spent there in the past few months. "They expect me to face him again" he suddenly whispers. Faint yet I still hear him. "I... I can't".

It's as though he thinks he has to face his battle alone, straightbacked and proud while the entire Wizarding Community hides away in the background praying. In fact, I suppose that is what is expected by a great majority of the wizarding world. The saviour Harry Potter would save them all again from the Dark Lord while they cower beneath their desks and at homes, safe with all of their family.

"It's as though you think you're alone Potter" I mutter back. Unable to keep the jealous tinge from tainting my response, there was nobody to help me face my own demons. "Weasley, Granger, Lupin and Dumbledore. Among others...". I could continue the list for forever with him. He doesn't realise just how many people hold him in regard. 

"Even I will have to fight him now. I don't have any choice but to" I murmur again. My own speech causing me to fall back into thought, I never really thought of fighting anyone other then myself. The man that took it all from me. My fathers attentions, my Mothers hopes. My communities faith.. My entire childhood influenced by the ideals of a deranged psychopath. My innocence.

Everything stolen from me by one man. Not even worthy of being called human anymore.

No you're not alone in your fight Potter. I'll be right there with you.

*****

This prayer is for me tonight,  
this far down that line and still ain't got it right.  
and while confessions not yet stated,  
our next sin is contemplated,  
never did we know,  
what the future would hold,  
or that we'd be bought and sold.  
We were innocent

*****

A/N: MY GOD! Exams finally finished YES. Don't know whether I did very well though, hopefully so. I want my BRIBE ;; This is a great deal longer then the last chapter, something I think you all deserve. Okay so it's not THAT much longer, but it's still longer right? Though I'm not sure on the quality as I'm writing this at night. For the second time. I finished the first copy, which was bloody brilliant -.-;; and then of all things when I went to save it, (Me being the idiot who didn't save it BEFORE I finished it) the computer went and crashed on me. Hurrah for technology -.-. Oh well, thankyou for all of the reviews and the good luck on the Exams. Extremely grateful for it ^.^;; Hopefully it worked ne? I'm extremely proud of myself for remembering my favourite line from the first copy of this chapter and sticking it into this one as well. If anyone can guess it I'll be extremely WOOHOO-ish. OMG I got up to 100 reviews! (109 to be exact) but WOoHoO. You guys really rock ^.^ yeeeeeaaaahhh. The lyrics from this chapter are 'Innocent' by Fuel. That's a great song ^_^; 

Ja Ne,  
Cathy-Bloom.

Random Piece of Info:  
Presently Listening to:

Kurayami ni Akai Bara from Yu Yu Hakusho ^_^

o_O;; Whaaaat? It's a good song o-o;; Reminds me of Kurama ^.^;


	20. The Cruel Angel's Thesis

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just too much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Twenty: The Cruel Angel's Thesis.

A/n: I just found it it didn't show up! Thanks Sarah I'm gonna fix it right now ^_^

*****

_~zankoku na tenshi no you ni   
shounen yo shinwa ni nare_

_aoi kaze ga ima  
mune no DOA wo tataite mo  
watashi dake wo tada mitsumete  
hohoende'ru anata~_

~Translation:  
Like a cruel angel,  
young boy, become the legend!

A blue wind is now  
knocking at the door to your heart, and yet  
you are merely gazing at me  
and smiling.~

I lower my head in silence as Madam Pomfrey clucks her tongue at me in motherly frustration. "There isn't anything I can do for you Mister Malfoy. Other then force-feeding you through a tube of course". I can feel Potter's eyes scrutinizing me from where he stands, silent as a shadow by the curtains. She turns back to replace the thermometer she held on the tray lying haphazardly on the bedside cabinet with the air of indifference lingering barely visible over her own maternal instincts.

"I am not quite willing to go that far yet however" she pauses to cast a somewhat amused smile at Potter who remains motionless and unresponsive. "I do urge you however to eat something Mister Malfoy.." she contines turning her head back to me with suprprising sharpness. Her voice however is tossed to the wind when I turn my head instead toward Potter. His eyes are still trained on me, perhaps he is still trying to decipher our earlier conversation. 

A shiver rolls down through my legs as I force myself to stand. Ignoring Pomphrey's protests as I grip the bed-end firmly in my hands for support. I have to get out of here now, the dizzying mass of sterile white is feeding my headache. I need time to think about this all. I have just declared my own battle against the most powerful dark wizard of our time, I need to at least figure out just where I stand.

Does this mean I'm now fighting with all those people I scorned for so many years? Does it mean that I am going to help my mortal rival of the last five years? 

I suppose it must do. Voldemort stole so much from me. When a hand wraps around my arm I startle, turning my head quickly to meet Potters silent and unwavering emerald stare. Just what is the question that is so intent he cannot voice it?

"I'll be fine" I declare, more for Pomphrey's benefit as the blatant lie caused Potters mouth to twitch into what threatened to become a smile. I move toward the door swiftly on unsteady legs, ignoring Pomphrey's protests of my need for rest. Potter's hand never leaves my arm, instead it slings beneath my elbow, holding me up the way it had on the way here.

Our destination unknown we merely wander. Our minds adrift as we amble our way down the silent corridors. The top floors of the castle are nearly always deserted these days, many students avoiding them accept for the seldom few who took Divinition and the occasional astronomy class.

A quiver works its way up my spine alerting of my bodies fatigue before I finally shrink away from Potter to slump down against a wall, sliding down to a seat on the dusty wooden floor in silence. He follows suit on the opposite wall, removing his glasses and begginning to rub the lenses with his sleeves in silence. 

"What about Granger and Weasley?" I mutter finally. Even I'm surprised by this question, although it definitely wasn't something that I haven't thought about, ever since Potter and I made our little alliance it's bothered me. "What about them?" he replies sombrely, carefully placing his glasses back on and pushing them back up his nose.

"Do they not care that you're hanging out with me? You're arch-rival?" I mutter aloud, somewhat bitterly as I flex my hands in my lap. My tongue seems to have taken control of me, pushing away my mind which screams at me to shut up. "They know" he mutters back, barely more then a whisper. "They don't like it but they know" he repeats for clarification, but I got the message clearly the first time.

Silence dominates the hallway as we sit in discomfort, neither one of us keen to break the teetering silence that threatens to subside to even more awkward questions. Finally I cannot stand it, my mouth opening before my head can stop it.

"Potter?" I murmur quietly and he glances up. I can see clearing the hint of dread lingering behind the frames of his glasses as he gives a slow tentative nod of his acknowledgement. "I.. I will be there" I manage to struggle out, my eyes remaining fixated on the flexing of my fingers, unable to lift up to see the surprise that I know will mask his face.

Glancing up I find him staring at me, his own confusion evident in the knit of his eyebrows and the question still shining in his eyes. "What?" he chokes out, the awkward silence obviously having stuck in his throat, leaving him with barely more then a wretched squeak. "When you face him. I will be there" I repeat silently. "I don't think I could hide in the background. Not anymore".

Understanding shines suddenly on his face before the tiniest break of a smile twitches at his lips, causing a wave of relief to flood his eyes. "Thanks" he mumbles out quietly, the grateful tone that lathers it all that needs to be heard. I nod back once, before I shrink back into staring at my hands. Too many years of rivalry takes over, leaving us uncomfortable and once again allowing the silence to take over. 

*****

~sotto fureru mono  
motomeru koto ni muchuu de  
unmei sae mada shiranai  
itaike na hitomi

dakedo itsuka kidzuku deshou  
sono senaka ni wa  
haruka mirai mezasu tame no  
hane ga aru koto~

~Something gently touching--  
you're so intent on seeking it out,  
that you can't even see your fate yet,  
with such innocent eyes.

But someday I think you'll find out  
that what's on your back  
are wings that are for  
heading for the far-off future.~

It is truly strange how people can sense when something bad is going to happen. It always seems to hit me right in the centre of my chest, that nauseating tightening grip of trepadition that simply spells out the danger that is approaching, hiding nearby. I can tell the people around me know it as well, even the Slytherin common room is filled with that same dreading fear.

Pounding in my heart, in my head. I can feel it running through my veins. It will happen soon.

I straighten my uniform tie in silence, wiping clean the silver Prefects badge that rests proudly upon my collar bone. Proud and strong. I can feel the air whispering to me, all around me it grows heavier, stronger. The promise of blood-shed, the promise of death reeks in the air.

I can barely breathe as I run my fingers through the wild fall of silver blond hair that clumps in my eyes. I slide my fingers nervously into my pocket, folds of material meeting my finger tips before they grasp the smooth polished wood. My wand. My only defense against what I can feel looming in the shadows ahead.

A shiver rolling through my body I stride forwards, through the doorway to my dorm. It clicks shut behind me, the sole swish of my robes filling the heavy atmosphere that seems to cloud over my like a thunderstorm just waiting to unleash.

Heavy, thick... stifling. The subdued common room watches me as I move through it, toward the exit. Never lingering, have to keep moving on.

I follow the routine walk, silent through the torch lit stone passages toward the Great Hall. The very air whispering of what has yet to come forward. What only time will tell.

Time to repent. One more trial.... The centaurs words are much too fresh in my mind. Could it be that the time is coming for what it predicted to come to pass? Am I to be freed of this constant scrutiny, constant judgement? Is it time to prove myself.

The stone passage slowly begins to rise, moving up to meet the first floor and join with the entrance hall. The air seems even thicker up here, riddled with tension and anxiety. A dementors buffet...

Even as I enter the Great Hall still the sound of my own robes swishing is all that meets my ears. Silence feeding to the tension, they too can feel it in their veins. Beating in their hearts and in their heads. It's coming. The chance to be free, to cast away the shadows of constant fear and doubt. It stains the air, like the scent of blood it hangs heavily, conflict and suffering. Let me breathe freely on this day. Let us cast light on a society shrouded by darkness and anxiety.

Still it breathes, it grows. Evil itself writhing in the air, spreading the pain and anxiety, the doubt that is written upon every face around me. The faithful Hufflepuffs, the brave Gryffindors, the wise Ravenclaws and the cunning Slytherins. How can they expect salvation when even they themselves do not believe it will ever happen?

How can they expect their champion to win when they all expect him to die at the hands of their enemy?

Humans are fickle creatures. We expect to much of what we do not believe in. We continuously hope for something that we ourselves think unattainable, expect someone to stand up and fight when we think it useless.

They would watch as their hero bleeds rather then pray for his wounded soul. Let us hope for a scrap of mercy today, let us hope that when the time comes, they realise what we need the most.

Faith.

*****

~zankoku na tenshi no TE-ZE  
madobe kara yagate tobitatsu  
hotobashiru atsui PATOSU de   
omoide wo uragiru nara  
kono sora wo daite kagayaku   
shounen yo shinwa ni nare~

~The cruel angel's thesis  
will soon take flight through the window,  
with surging, hot pathos,   
if you betray your memories.  
Embracing this sky [universe] and shining,   
young boy, become the legend!~

******

A/n: Another very short chapter! Aah! YES LONG WEEKEND! You might just get another upload WoOoOhOoO

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

And for all of you WONDERFUL people who gave me good luck for my exams and comforted me etc. Heres a little tribute to your concerns, my results so far:

TIM (Typing Information Management): 71%   
(-PASS- WOoOhOo My Tim teacher said she was proud of me O-o;;)  
Economics: 69%   
(XD We all had a good laugh about that one. WooOoo Immature Eco class :D)  
English: Formal Writing: MERIT! Writing on a Studied Text: MERIT! Studying unfamiliar texts: No results yet :(  
Maths: Number: MERIT! Geometry: ACHIEVED! Algebra: *Cough*NotAchieved*Cough*  
Science: Chemistry: No results! Genetics: No Results! Electronics: No results! - Slack ass Science teachers -.-  
Art: Yes I did have an art exam! Freakin' randomest exam i've ever been to @_@;; Believe me, we gained absolutely nothing from this.

And that would be it so far. O_o;; YAY. As for all of you that have been confused by the NZ marking system, believe me. We are ALL confused by it o-o;; But I'm well on my way to obtaining that bribe ne ^-^;; Anyways, back to the highlight of my weekend.

THREE DAY WEEKEND!

As I said earlier, God Save the Queen. The good thing about being remotely under British control is the fact that we do get Queens Birthday as a public holiday. HELL YEAH! ^_^;;

Hopefully this is good enough to set up for the FINAL chapters. Yes that's right..It's the final countdown ^_^; -begins humming the dramatic music while bopping head all Scrubs style- yeaaaaah.

Oookay, Now that i've gone and proved my insanity to the lot of you. I'll leave you to stew on what is coming. Yes...The FINAL COUNTDOWN. Kakakakakakakakaka .

Oh yeah, the song from this chapter is part of Zanzoku na Tenshi no ZeZe from Neon Genesis Evangelion. - Yeah you know it's gotta be screwy coming from Evangelion @-@;; In other words, The Cruel Angels Thesis. Mweep, this is gonna be longer then the actual chapter .

Ja Ne,  
Cathy-Bloom.

Random Info that you all love so god-damn much: Cathy-Bloom is currently listening to:  
Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World. Loving that song.

Random Quote of the Day: I'm only here to chew bubble-gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of Bubblegum. - Japanese version of Yu-Gi-Oh! - Seto Kaiba.

Second Random Quote of the Day: Shot with the ham-sammies and Post-it-notes. - Karlalalalalalalalalala :S - English class, directed to random drummer Sam who happened to be eating ham sammies at the time. Post-it-notes were not actually relevant to the event @_@;; Yay for Karalalalalalalala.

P.S: Er I have a feeling that someone asked me to update quickly. I apologise o-o;; But Solty XD (Mah art teacher Mr Soltero allows us to call him Solty O_O;; God knows why?) Is insisting I work on finishing unit 1.2 sooooo. That means more art, less fanfiction. Generally my solution being, Let's all lynch mob Solty XD.

o_O;; Oh YEAH! I haven't thanked the reviewers in a long time ^_^;; LETS DO IT NOW.

Saturn: Cheers :D For some odd reason people usually read the WHOLE story then review @_@;;; Er right ^_^;; Thanks for the help an when I go through and revise the entire thing, (once it's finished ^-^) thennn I'll change the bits you gave me ^_^;;

Sio's Death: Er.. Depressing and Happy? YAY!

Cybele: MY OLD FAITHFUL! WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII .;; er yeah, Thanks ^_^

treachery89: Cheers Chickeh ^_^

Arafel: WoOOoOOhOOO yeah :S

Okay, in otha words, THANKYA'LL O_O.

Er I'll stop now as I'm getting increasingly hyper an will probably scare you all away ^_^;;

And for all with exams coming up: Good luck! I know I needed it :S


	21. A Boy Meets the Man

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just too much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Twenty One: A Boy Meets the Man.

A/n: Okay! This is the second to last actual chapter peoples! This thing is coming under wraps! Good god. What a journey it's been! Arigatou Everybody who's been reviewing! God but this is gonna get me some angry reviews ^-^;; Er. Btw I'd just like to Publicly thank the chickee who has volunteered to translate my fic into her own language! Good luck on tellin yer Mum about the exams aye? And now, what you've all been waiting for for way too long! The one, the only, The twenty first chapter of Pride of Ice - A boy Meets the Man.

******

The first news of significance comes with astounding accuracy, only confirming the fear that has been building inside of these cursed walls for the last few hours. By dawn it was coming, encasing our hearts with panic, the icy grip that meant death was upon us. Remus Lupin, discarding the looks he recieves tearing inside of the hall, wild-eyed and panic-stricken. He seems almost at a loss for words as he dashes for the Faculty Table.

His destination is clear in all of our minds as he reaches the center of the table wheezing, "they're coming Albus!". Dumbledore, for the first time in his entire life no doubt appears shaken. His eyes widening behind his glasses as the full meaning of what Lupin has said sinks in.

"Good grief" Mcgonagall whispers, so loudly that even I at the Slytherin table can hear her. "We need to evacuate the students" Dumbledore speaks up. "Hold on what's happening" Flitwick squeaks out, fear evident in his eyes as he refuses to believe what is being implied. "An army of Deatheaters" Lupin replies finally his panic-stricken eyes flickering over the remainder of the faculty.

Snape rises in his seat, eyes wide with disbelief, "he's actually doing it" was the soft whisper that seemed ever so loud. I rise from my seat, aware of the frozen stares of my peers as they stare at the bringer of bad news, Lupin. Potter too rises in his seat, Granger and Weasley tugging frantically at him to stop him from what I know already he will do.

The fear clenches my heart in its icy fist. I can only feel the wave of terror as my peers suddenly awake from their stupor and the panic begins, rising in dramatic heights as though the very earth has fallen out from beneath our feet. And indeed it has, the last stronghold the Wizarding World has to offer is under siege. The last war of the wolves.

I feel my hands begin to shake first as panicked whispering begins to surge around me, deafening me as the feeling of trepadition expands and explodes as all around me people begin to scream, begin to pray, and over it all Dumbledore tries to regain his composure, tries to capture their attention.

His feeble voice lost amongst the scattered screams and shrieks. Before I know what's happening my feet are moving, directing me toward the Gryffindor table where alone Potter stands. Granger and Weasley pleading with him to sit down, telling him there's nothing that he can do.

He raises his head slowly as though he can sense my presence, emerald eyes slowly absorbing my own ice-laden gaze. Then he steps up, rising onto the bench, the light catching on the lens' of his glasses as his face focuses. Determination filling his gaze, just as it suddenly bursts inside of me. My own need to stop this madness.

I stride forwards, taking a step up onto the bench opposite where Potter himself stands. As one we rise to stand on the surface of Gryffindor table, side by side we seem to instantly demand silence. Without a word spoken on either of our parts silence encompasses the entire room, eerily hundreds of eyes pivot to face upon us.

The outcast Slytherin Prefect and the golden Gryffindor Champion. They stare upon us expectantly, as though something in their eyes finally snaps into place. I never really noticed that Potter is indeed taller then me now, as though spurred into action by the sudden silence Potter speaks, his voice stronger then I ever expected of someone in such a position.

"Listen" he speaks softly, yet every word is defined, clear as crystal. Through the pounding of my blood rushing heavily through my veins I feel the intensity rising, pushing the hall toward breaking point. "If you want to survive" he continues, his eyes sweeping over the crowd pointedly, "you will listen".

They stare, trembling as we stand side-by-side, in absolute silence. From the Faculty Table Dumbledores voice finally becomes heard, "no students are to leave the Great Hall. We are going to send for help from the Ministry, you will stay inside the doors. No matter what you are not to leave the castle. We will be sealing the doors once we have left".

His eyes sweep over the hall, resting upon Potter and I before sweeping over the staff table with grim determination. "Hogwarts will not fall today".

*****

Dumbledore's stare is unnerving as we walk quietly through the doors of the Great Hall. Potter to my right is nervous, fingering his scar in withdrawn silence. Weasley looks determined, his face pale and his knuckles turning white as he grips his wands tight between his fingers. Granger is even paler, whispering to herself beneath her breath in what I believe to be a prayer.

I however force myself to stand strong. Ignoring the icy grasp that clenches at my heart I set my jaw, it's as though something is awakening inside of me. My forehead burning yet my eyes icy and set, projecting unusual calm as my heart beats frantically in my ears. 

I can feel my blood rushing through my veins, the whispers that echo inside of my head going ignored as the house prefects stand nervously. The Head Boy and Head Girl standing together, their hands entwined as they close their eyes whispering over and over to each other the same reassurances.

Lupin's face is pale, his fingers stretching toward the human form of Black who gladly takes them in his own and squeeses hard. His eyes squeesing shut as he whispers something to the werewolf. Bill Weasley is watching his brother sadly, as though wishing the stubborn git would get back inside of the hall before it was sealed.

Mcgonagall is swaying on her feet, leaning unconsciously against Snape. Gryffindor and Slytherin supporting each other as the threat draws ever closer. Flitwick is grimly determined, his fingers twirling his wand nervously between his fingers, he will be the one to guard the doors to the great hall should and Deatheaters break through the line of defense.

Finally Dumbledore lifts his head and glances toward the door, murmuring tiredly, "it is time".

As one we move through the doors, Flitwick casting the last of the sealing spells on the Great Hall doors before positioning himself dead center. With one last nod the faculty of Hogwarts moves out, with it's senior students. Potter pushing himself into the center, me pushing in beside him. He casts me a somewhat confused look prompting me to speak, "I said I would be here".

Forcing myself to swallow my pride I follow my fate forwards, pulling the giant iron doors shut behind us is Hagrid. Leaving Dumbledore to cast another sealing spell upon them, backed up by several of Professor Sinistras. I can feel the tension building in the air, almost as though a drum sounded out their approach.

We spread out in a line, the last line of defense to protect the hundreds of innocent lives. My hands begin to shake as I clench my fist around my wand, Granger and Weasley pan out to Potters other side. Lupin taking up his own position on my other side, Black falling into place beside the sole other remainder of a child-hood of dreams.

Shaking I raise my eyes toward the line of the horizon. Just barely visible is a line of a marching black blurs. They're coming... My heart pounding in rythm with their march I stand, my hands trembling as my knees threaten to give way. Pomphrey along the line gasps upon seeing the line which stretches at least twenty meters long, marching toward us.

Perhaps I will wake up to find this all a nightmare. God I wish I would, I can feel my heart threatening to leap right out of my chest and bounce away. Potter stiffens as he catches sight of the figure, tall and skeletal right at the center of the army. At least we were aware my wind whispers, they could have come at night and attacked us by surprise. We would have been dead in our beds.

Time seems to slow as they march towards us, maddeningly slow without a bother to speed up. I can hear the Hufflepuff prefect begin to whimper, I truly cannot blame her. I will not run, I have to face this. For once in my life I have to face my own fears. Even if it means Death I will face this.

Closer and closer they march, with Dumbledore signalling for us to hold fire. Honorable until the end my mind hisses at me, I feel my hands quiver as I stare defiantly at the man in the center of it all. The man who took so much from the world and gave nothing in return. The man responsible for all of the pain and suffering that I can see in these peoples eyes that line up beside me. The man responsible for dozens of real-life tradgedies that should belong to fairy-tales.

I can feel my blood begin to boil as it courses through my veins, my heart begginning to pound in my chest like a drum beat, counting out the steps of the army that swoops in upon us. The shadow of death that threatens to snuff out the tiniest star of hope in the night of the Wizarding World.

I will not let us fall.

Potter at my side seems to have gained resolve as well, standing taller. Suddenly so much stronger then I ever picked the scrawny boy-who-lived to ever be. As my heart pounds I can feel something chipping away at the last barrier between my past and my future. The ice that stubbornly refuses to give way.

The army halts abruptly as the skeletal figure in the center raises an arm. Close enough for me to make out the whites of their eyes from behind the hoods of their cloaks. "Well well, we meet again old fool" comes the high, unnaturally pitched voice that haunts my dreams.

Dumbledore holds his own, his eyes staring without fear back into the reptilian eyes of Tom Riddle. "Tom, it's been a long time" he replies without humor, the entire army silent as the skeletal figure withdraws his hood. Revealing a no-longer human face. Out of the corner of my eye I see Potter tense up, his face stiffening into anger. When Voldemort turns his head, his eyes resting upon Potters form he gives a sickening smile.

"Harry Potter" he hisses out finally. When his eyes rest upon me I fight the urge to avert my eyes, instead I stare back. A crack splitting up the last barriers inside of me. "- And Young Malfoy. What a shame you chose the losing side boy". I feel a tingle crawl up my side, "we will not lose" I retort suddenly.

His high-pitched squeal which resembles laughter wrenches at my heart. "Poor fool" he retorts plainly, "you have become blinded by your own idiocy". He discards me, returning his gaze upon Dumbledore who speaks again. "Tom, let us finish this without the waste of innocent lives. You and I shall finish this once and for all", Voldemorts laughter rings out high and shrill, the mans insanity echoing inside of my mind.

"Old fool. Do you really believe I have come to duel with you. You are nothing, a waste of my time" he sweeps his gaze back over the line. "You're useless group of misfits are no use for my army. I am here for only one reason" his gaze stopped finally, resting sharply to my left. Potter stares back without flinching, his eyes intent and without fear.

A simple wave of his hand casts the army into action. Without a warning the battle begins. The high shrill laughter of a madman ringing above the shouted curses and hexes as the two opposing sides move into action. The movement of a Deatheater infront of me rises my own defenses and with a cry of, "Stupefy!" he slumps to the ground.

Inside me another crack splits up the barrier. Whirling around I cast another shout of "Expelliarmus!". Begginning to rattle off every hex and curse in my knowledge I pray to every god that will listen that they will smile upon us. To my right Lupin and Black fight back to back, the last force of a generation forgotten. I surge forwards, casting hexes left right and center by reflex only. Potter is already ahead of me, heading straight towards where Dumbledore has taken Voldemort on in combat.

All around me bodies slump, bleeding, lifeless. Screams echo into the early-morning air. Blood rolls down my cheek as a spell takes me off guard, slicing through my skin before I throw an "Impedimenta!" at him. Then I'm caught, the pain swells as fire stabs through my entire skeleton. My head roaring with pain as I fall to my knees, unable to hold back the screams as another giant crack splits through the barrier I've held up.

Another and another curse hit me, until I'm convulsing on the ground. Coughing up blood as sweat rolls over me, the three Deatheaters that hold me in their grasps unrelenting. That's when I feel it. The white hot rage that splits my last barrier in two. And suddenly the searing heat in my forehead erupts, casting everything around me into shadow as blue light illuminates the ground. Throwing my hair back as I feel pure power erupt inside of me.

Everything seems to darken, even the pain dulling as I stare, at the semi-transperant form that stands, tall and strong infront of me. He has the same blonde hair, his several shades more golden and longer, he is strong. Built like a warrior, all rippling muscle and power, icy blue eyes regard me as blue light sears out from his own forehead. "Get up" those two words are all he says. No sympathy, a command.

"This is your chance to repent. For me, for you. Get up". My eyes meet his own, colder, darker then my own eyes ever have been. These are the eyes of a murderer. Something seems to click into place and he nods before it all becomes real again, the searing pain that rips through my flesh. The screams escaping my own mouth and those around me.

Snarling I raise my own wand with shaking hands screaming the only spell that comes to mind, "Expelliarmus!". One of them is sent flying back by a sudden eruption of blue light from my wand. "Impedimenta!" "Stupefy!" "Expelliarmus!" The remaining two Deatheaters are sent crumbling to ground and I glance just barely over my shoulder to see Lupin and Black, still back to back nod at me.

I surge forwards throwing childish spells to all sides. Spells that won't be any use against Voldemort. 

I glimpse Potter ahead, he stands protectively infront of Dumbledore who is panting heavily, blood pouring from a gash on his forehead. I begin to run, screaming spells as I do so. I have to get there in time.

*****

Second A/n: WOOHOO! It'z ON! Now, for those of you who are incredibally confused about the whole semi-transperant apparition thingy, If you don't get it, It's okay! It's like a hidden meaning that doesn't really matter. In fact unless you're an avid watcher of Fushigi Yuugi you prolly won't get it o_o;; An for those of you who are an still don't get it, ITS NAKAGO ;;; Gawdamnit! WoOoOhooOOo Next Chapter coming soon: The battle concludes with some startling consequences. A real tear jerker! Btw, the title of this fic was rather undecided, I WAS going to call it either, The Last War of the Wolves (Also a Ruroni Kenshin song @_@) or I was going to call it Dark Side Stories (A Yu Yu Hakusho song, also very erm...Dark?)

My Playlist for the Mood:  
Bring me to Life: Evanescense  
Under the Cherry Blossom Tree: Ruroni Kenshin Soundtrack  
A Boy Meets the Man: Ruroni Kenshin Soundtrack  
Sound of Snow Falling on Cedars: Ruroni Kenshin Soundtrack  
Whisper: Evanescense  
Innocent: Fuel  
My Immortal: Evanescense  
Angel: Sarah McLaughlan.


	22. The Sound of Snow Falling on Cedars

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just too much_...

Pride of Ice

Chapter Twenty Two: The Sound of Snow Falling on Cedars.

- The Explanation - (dun dun dun DUN!)

Alright alright! I knew I shouldn't have put in that part, cause I knew I was gonna get a lot of confused questions! Yes you know what I'm talking about! 'The whole apparition thingy' as dubbed by me ol' faithful Cybele. If you don't remember what that was, heres what the 'whole apparition thingy' was:   


The white hot rage that splits my last barrier in two. And suddenly the searing heat in my forehead erupts, casting everything around me into shadow as blue light illuminates the ground. Throwing my hair back as I feel pure power erupt inside of me.

Everything seems to darken, even the pain dulling as I stare, at the semi-transperant form that stands, tall and strong infront of me. He has the same blonde hair, his several shades more golden and longer, he is strong. Built like a warrior, all rippling muscle and power, icy blue eyes regard me as blue light sears out from his own forehead. "Get up" those two words are all he says. No sympathy, a command.

"This is your chance to repent. For me, for you. Get up". My eyes meet his own, colder, darker then my own eyes ever have been. These are the eyes of a murderer. Something seems to click into place and he nods before it all becomes real again, the searing pain that rips through my flesh. The screams escaping my own mouth and those around me.

- That was the bit that caused so much damn confusion. Even for those of you who know who the hell I was on about and still didn't get what the fuck I was writing about. So heres my Explanation =   
All throughout the story I've been adding in tiny little hints, e.g the scar on his forehead - a dragon, nice coincidence with the name but also a key in this tiny little excursion up here. Nakago being one of the seven warriors of the beast god Seiryuu (The blue dragon) in Fushigi Yuugi his Seishi Symbol appears on his forehead - kokoro - in other words the kanji for 'heart' or 'mind'. Basically Nakago's a guy with a troubled childhood, involving watching his mother being raped by soldiers etc and then ending up by releasing his powers and destroying everything around him, including the soldiers and his mother. Well Nakago turns into pretty much a ruthless manipulative bastard who uses his position as the general of the army of his country for his own revenge. When the Seiryuu no Miko comes ( Priestess of Seiryuu ) he convinces her that she was raped and turns her against her friend, all in all he uses pretty much every body in the cast of Fushigi Yuugi an is pretty much seen as a complete and utter heartless bastard (however hot he MAY be). Now the closest person to get the relation between Nakago the heartless bastard or my apparition was Rashaka who thought at first that the apparition was a future Draco or a ancestor. Hell girl you just needed to follow those lines, you also asked Why would Nakago appear to Draco? Try thinking more along the line of Reincarnation @_@;;. Now tiny little bits connecting Draco to good ol' Nakago have happened throughout this, such as the blue light and the constant mentioning of the forehead. But this really doesn't matter to the story @_@;; It was jus an added bonus for my own amusement ^_^;; had to bring my first love into the story somehow right? -Coughs at the image of herself with giant shoujo-eyes singing you light up my life to a random collection of Bishounen-. Er anyways! Back to explanations, -sigh-. 

Now Nakago was killed at the end of the series by the 'good guy' and if I recall said something about the better man winning. Now the likely theory being Nakago was thrown to hell and left to rot for the rest of eternity, but somehow this little idea niggled itself into my plot and just planted itself right out there that he somehow got thrown into the Reincarnation cycle in order to make amends for his nasty dastardly deeds. Erhm.. Now that you've all skipped reading this completely as its only just confused you more, I suggest I get onto the story. If you're still confused about the whole Fushigi Yuugi thing in general I suggest you go look up a plot summary as I really want to get started on the actual Story! Aahahahahah Last Chapter! FEAR ME! Oh god you're all going to really really hate me for this.. 

Now, may Cathy-Bloom present, the latest..the greatest...the lastest -- Er not a word but anyhow, The very last installment of Pride of Ice. Hopefully without attaining to much hate-mail for her actions ^-^;;;;;;;;;;;. Oh dear.. maybe I should have made this Angst/Tradgedy....;;

*****

Catch me as I fall,  
say you're here and it's all over now.  
Speaking to the atmosphere,  
no one's here and I fall into myself.  
This truth drives me into madness,  
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away.  


I struggle forwards, throwing hexes over my shoulders in silent desperation while the scene ahead of me seems to become even more hopeless. If only we could pray for our already doomed souls. Potter has shifted himself strategically so he protects the weary headmaster completely. His eyes with a quality of stone and angry beyond any boundaries behind thick lenses as the skeletal leader of the swarm of death lets out a devastatingly loud high-pitched cackle of laughter. A scream erupts behind me lost quickly into the wind and my fingers grip tighter, nervously gripping at my wand with all the strength that I can muster. 

My knuckles slowly turning a sickly shade of white as I press on ever forwards. Stumbling clumsily over a lifeless body I land with a thud onto the blood-stained ground of what could have been a graveyard. I turn my head slowly towards it, my eyes slowly widening in fascinated horror as realisation dawns upon me. The long silk-like redhair having broken from it's tie now spills across his pale face pooling around his head, his smirking teasing face now devoid of any colour or emotion. Life stolen from his very lips as his brown eyes stare dully in a glassy surreal eternal stare forever directed at me.

I shake uncontrollably as I stumble backwards, lost inside my own mind as my head races my heart pounding like a death toll inside of my chest. The sound swallowing me deep into itself as it slowly consumes me, dragging me away from the screams of the scene of a slaughter. Those lost brown eyes baring into me, staring straight into my sould. Over and over it drives in my head, whispering, echoes of voices that no longer exist to the world. A meloncholy symphony playing out it's personal tradgedy to my ears.

And before my eyes.. All in front of my eyes I watch lives dissapear, stolen by waves of green light, the leak of crimson liquid. Immobilized by the hurt and pain that is building all around me, Dumbledore is telling Harry to get away. The slaughter house wont miss one more lamb. Gripping my hair in my hands I rip my eyes away from the sight that refuses to leave my mind, almost taunting brown eyes that seek answers inside of me. Accusations echoing in my head as those hollow brown eyes, lost amongst the devastation that used to be the grounds of a school, question me.

My mind races ahead, to fast for me to comprehend as I scramble clumsily across the slippery blood covered ground, my own anguished scream of dispair lost amidst the horror and torment. Yet Potter, standing strong amongst it all is the eye of the storm. So calm, standing tall. Lupin, Black standing side by side fighting for the memories of a tradgedy they could never forgive themselves for. A future lost that should have never been stolen, to many lives taken advantage of. To many mistakes made that couldn't be undone. The pain of knowing their mistakes and having to live on in spite of them.

Futures lost to this cursed world forever with pasts much to dark to look back upon. We were all innocent. Before we were forced, all of us tossed into a sea of darkness and hatred. Tainted by the unspeakable pain and suffering that threatens to consume us all and when it finally does we will only become yet another lost soul to the crowd of dispair.

Don't turn away  
(Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide  
(Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light  
(Never sleep, Never die)  


A tear, trailing down my face mingles with blood as more screams erupt. Another caught by an unforgiveable and that same laughter that won't seem to stop. I could live an eternity and still hear that laughter, that same godforsaken laughter that haunts my very soul. Yet slowly I'm standing, Potters rigid form all that keeps me from falling as I stare. Only meters away from me lies the hope of an entire world, standing strong and refusing to wilt under Evil itselfs very stare. It's as if he deserved the title he achieved through his actions as a mere child.

The god-like status he was handed seems to fit now, he began only as a pauper in my eyes. A lucky brat that somehow managed to defeat the rising dark empire, yet now as I open my eyes he slowly belongs to that god-like status. He will be the one to discard the darkness again. Bring back the light to a shadowed world.

My legs labour upwards as I return to unsteady feet, my knees shaking as I face what I've feared all along. My own mortality, my own blame in what has come to pass. My hands tremble as I begin the long walk of my life pressed with dangerthat threatens every step of my path. Dangers all around me, roaring inside my head are their taunts. The darkest most dangerous of all whispering over and over at me, my own mind. My own weaknesses thrown at me from all angles of my mind, I know what I have to do now.

I know why I must repent. This is my test of power.. My fingers clench around the wand, so insignificant in this battle of fate. A tool in the path that I just can't seem to turn away from, nor would I choose to had I the choice. The drum of battle roars in my heart as it fills me, the strength I find in the solitude of that light. Ahead Potter is locked eye to eye in the silent battle for dominance, afraid to break eye-contact for fear that it would end his existence. End all hope for this pathetic ever-cursed world.

I'm frightened by what I see,  
but somehow I know that there's much more to come.  
Immobilized by my fear  
and soon to be blinded by tears.  
I can stop the pain if I will it all away.  


A stunning ray sweeps past me only a centimeter from it's target, singing several strands of my hair. My footsteps faltering only for a few moments in time before I continue onwards, a destiny that the heavens themselves would cry for. Potter seems to have caught sight of me from the corner of his eye emerald staring with a hint of confusion before he realises his mistake, the break of eye-contact a possible sentence of his own death.

Dumbledore seems to realise this, his eyes narrowing he lifts his own wand protectively, ignoring the weariness inside of himself as my crusade forwards brings me face to face with another unworthy adversary. I do not have the time for this, I have to embrace my fate before I lose the will to follow it through. Lifting the tool in my hand slowly I feel my voice quiver as I whisper out the words that would have me carted away to Azkaban should I survive this little piece of hell, "Avada Kedavra".

The light surprisingly that erupts from my wand is not green, alike the light that illuminates the grey light of dawn all around me. The killing curse that erupts from my own wand is that raging furious blue, the ice that seems to surround my very soul leaking through into my magic. The deatheater slumps in my path, deaths grip on him already having thrown him to the mercy of the wind.

Released away free up into the skies. My body trembles with fatigue as I continue my warpath, time seeming to slow down into slow motion as I move. The mocking whispers of the dead all around me rising up to roar in my ears, declaring my insecurities to the world. I've killed someone. 

My mind seems to grind to a halt upon realisation. I've killed someone. My body seems unresponsive to the urges to move, I really.. I killed someone. My head spins like a hurrican as the show ahead of me takes centre stage. Voldemort firing the first curse of another momentous battle at Potters feet, he's to quick for that however. Knocking Dumbledore back out of the way he's moving, rolling tumbling through the battleground.

Don't turn away  
(don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide  
(though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light  
(never sleep never die)  


Crouching low to the ground like a wild beast waiting to strike his eyes shine tauntingly at the maniacally laughing madman. Another curse is shot forth, tossing up clumps of singed ground and acrid smoke where Potter had crouched as he rolls again, agiley regaining his feet as beads of sweat shine on his forehead.

The pace is fast, much to fast for my mind to even hope ot comprehend. My eyes returning hopelessly to the lifeless body keeled over before my feet as another bout of that madmans laughter rings over and over inside of my head. My wand dropping to rest at my feet as I stare, unbidden at the image infront of me. My thoughts scattered upon the breeze that sweeps the over the distancing screams of the battlefield.

Destiny, fate.. Where did it really lead you in the end? I don't really understand the concept of predestination. How is it possible that it can be a childs fate to die at the hands of a psychotic madman? How can it be fate for a human being to become heartless and cruel? How can destiny drive a person to destroy their own family?

But still something drives me. How are we expected to believe it's our destiny to hope for a better future if another believes it is their destiny for them to rule over that future in destruction and chaos? Theres only so far you can go before you blur the lines of good and evil. At one point even the murderer infront of me was a normal student at Hogwarts, being taught the classes that we learnt. He just fell to far into the wrong sort of magic. Lost himself in the world of darkness and hatred that managed to consume the light of an entire civilisation.

Fallen angels at my feet,  
whispered voices at my ear.  
Death before my eyes,  
lying next to me I fear.  
She beckons me, shall I give in?  
Upon my end shall I begin.  
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end.

My hands shake as I force myself to move forwards again, life sparking inside of me as Voldemort laughs once more. A long pale skeletal hand raising his wand to throw curse after curse after curse at the tiring Potter whos agility is wearing away. Dying down in the light. Even heroes can not live forever. We are after-all born to die.

No-one can ever live forever. I suppose that thought is something that escapes us all until we are faced with the death of someone we love. When a person so young has life snatched from them, they talk about how life isn't fair, how they were too young to die. Yet every single one of us will die one day, none of us are immortal. No matter how hard we may try to ensure we are.

My eyes focus now upon the dark that stands in my path, obstructing my path his laughter mocks me, taunting me to take revenge for the hurt he has bestowed upon me. A laugh that will haunt me for all of eternity as Potter hisses with hopeless pain, he's been caught by another spell. Clutching his twisted leg beneath him as tears kiss the corners of his eyes. It is now, as darkness sweeps down upon me, rushing on the speed of wings. Now my destiny awaits me, beckoning me forward to take my place in the game of life. To live or to die, I move forwards.

Without a breath without a care, my fingers deftly scooping the tool from the ground at my feet. The last defense for the hero of our shadowed era. Not a single shake, not a tear escapes me. This is my blaze of glory, my triumph that I will not allow myself to spoil with the pettiness of fear. My eyes glance slowly upon Potter as he hisses with pain, another course of burning pain bringing more pain to his face. As Voldemorts wand rises I know it's finally time. Time for my last and final stand.

This is it. I break into a run, my eyes attaining the coveted insanity of a desperate man. His whispered poison that is his final farewell to Potter echoes in my ears as I launch myself at him, years of rejection and hate, years of poisoned words and anger welling up inside of me surface. I collide with the skeletal figure dragging him along with me to the hard thawing morning ground. His distraught screams only echoes of his true anger, his outrage at the prevention of his mission.

His bony hands clawing at my face, anything to get me away from him draw long deep gashes in my cheeks, spilling more crimson over the blood-splattered ground. Yet I refuse to let go as pops of air sound all around me, the sound of salvation. The aurors have arrived, his screams of desperation echo in the air as he finally jerks me off of him, sending me tumbling away bleeding and weakened. My unsteady stand wavering as he turns his wand desperately back upon Potter. Obsession tainting a mask of complete insanity and then come those two deadly words. Poison to those who ever heard them.

Death rushing on its mighty wings with the speed of light, it's intent the hero of our world. Before I can fully comprehend it myself it I've thrown myself forwards in sweet desperation. Into the sweet release that becomes a dangerous reality the second that that green light punctures my body. Ripping my soul painfully from my mortal flesh and all I hear is the outrage of a deranged lost soul who was deprived his last wish. The soft gasp of the worlds hero and the soft whisper of the wind.

What then remains but that we still should cry,   
For being born, and, being born, to die?

*****  
***  
*

A/n: .;; -coughs nervously and peeks out from a recently dug bomb-shelter- Er. Cathy-Bloom isn't home right now . Yeah that's right... Please leave a message after the beep? ^____^;;? Umm... It is kind of short. Much shorter then I wanted the end chapter to be, but considering the Epilogue is still to come well. I guess I'll have to make up for it won't I. Perhaps I should change the genre to Angst/Tradgedy. For those of you who are still clueless as to what actually happened just then. Read it again. Still don't get it. Think outside the square. Read it again. Still don't get it? He sacrificed himself. :( Oh god you're gonna kill me aint you O_O;; -pulls the bombshelter door shut and bolts it mumbling about SCAREH reviewers-.

Oh.. for the Epilogue I'm thinking the aftermath and funeral. Suggestions for who's point of view you want it to be from would be welcome. Options being of course anyone who's been focused on in the story.. cept of course Bill as I killed him too... -Eeps! and ducks back into the bombshelter-. -Peeks head out again- Er.. so theres Lupin, Harry, Dumbledore o.O;;;;;;; ummm Blaise o-o;; that could be interesting, annnnnnd.... uh. Anyone else you can think of. The lyrics used in this chapter were 'Whisper' by Evanescense. Beautiful song, seriously. Another suggestion for listening to while reading this is 'Angel' by Sarah Mclaughlan and 'The Sound of Snow Falling on Cedars' from Ruroni Kenshin. The Quote at the end... Aah geeze I can't remember what it's from -.-;; tis true though.


	23. Epilogue: Tomodachi

_After Lucius Malfoys banishment to Azkaban, Draco Malfoy has lost all faith in everything he ever believed in. Now returning for his Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he must face predjudice, disgrace and disgust from his Peers and Professors alike. Will he be able to find faith where there is none, in someone he thought least likely to understand him? Or will it all become just too much_...

Pride of Ice

Epilogue: Tomodachi

"History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever."  
- Mariemeia Khushrenada, Endless Waltz.

*****

All around it is silent. The far-off cries of the still standing Deatheaters trying to fight away the Ministry Aurors and the remainder of Hogwarts' army ever so distant in my ears as they refuse to leave his form. Face down in the grass where he landed, deathly still and ever-so-silent. And yet I'm waiting, hoping, wishing for something, anything. Something that signals he is still alive, that it's all just one big joke and he'll spring up any second now and jinx me for being an idiot.

But it's been five minutes already and he hasn't moved. The Deatheaters are breaking away from the Ministry, fleeing the grounds their black robes whipping back in their wake as they seek their Master who had fled long ago. Dumbledore had made sure of that, he had driven him away with strength that seemed impossible for someone of his age.

But I can't move at all. I'm frozen in place, held back by the paralysing hope that maybe, just maybe he will get up again. But still he won't move, me slumped upon my knees staring weakly at the head of silver-blond that has planted itself into the blood-splattered battle field.

All around me people are combing through the bodies, searching for any signs of life amongst the saviours of Hogwarts and Deatheaters alike. Every now and then a cry of relief erupts with yells of, "over here! We've got another one!". Nobody seems to be questioning the fact that they had managed to apparate into Hogwarts Grounds. Hermione will have an absolute fit when she realises it.

Slowly unsurely I shed the paralysis that has stolen my body for the last five minutes, crawling, unable to stand on weak limbs I close the meter between us. Carefully I grip his robes, ignoring the footsteps that are headed my way and slowly roll him over onto his back. His face holds no sign of life, all that remains is grim triumph shining in lifeless eyes and holding his lips in a victorious smile. And upon his forehead, splattered with blood which seems to be trickling from numerous gashes, including vicious tears across his cheeks it faintly shimmers.

The pale scar upon his forehead has been replaced, its crude dragon like form dissapeared without explanation. But right in the very center of his forehead, half obscured by thick rusty trickles of blood it rests. Resembling a tattoo of sorts, a dull blue-ish form, perfectly inscribed onto his skin. 

Standing out bright amidst the dreadful waxen white of his skin, his hair stained copper by the still running blood. He lays, unmoving and silent in his final triumph staring up at me without flinching. I don't move as I hear Lupin's voice croak out hoarsely, exhaustion heavy in his movements, "good lord..". When his hand comes to a rest on my shoulder, him crouching beside me I barely acknowledge him merely glancing towards him in silence.

He stretches out a trembling hand, carefully tracing the tattoos pattern with a blood smeared hand, only now I realise the heavy gash that splits across his right eye, forcing it shut. "It was his choice" he murmurs, his voice barely reaching to my own ears. "He knew what he had to do Harry, you couldn't have stopped him". His words linger heavily in my mind, echoing over and over through the haze of confusion that has encased me.

Death surrounds me. To all corners he beckons, gathering up the souls of those sacrificed in this false pretense of fighting for peace. "Harry?" the second voice comes only as a croak, and there they are. Hermione being supported by a limping Ron. Her face paler then she's ever been before, a nasty gash across her arm bleeding freely as she favoured her right foot. By the way she's moving I guess her left leg must be broken.

"Are you alright? What happened..?" she whispers out her eyes turning upon his form. Lying so still, finally at peace with the battle that became his life. Slowly I lift my head further, meeting their eyes, my best friends, leaning heavily upon each other to keep from falling. And him, he who sacrificed his life so I could live. Their eyes no longer rest upon his body but upon me and Lupin as he carefully heaves me to my feet. My godfather nowhere to be seen, he seems to realise my silent search and he shakes his head quietly answering my unasked question.

No, he's not dead. I watch as the survivors of this slaughter house slowly move towards the door, Lupin obviously sensing my inability to move loops a strong, trembling wiry arm beneath my shoulders and carefully tries to steer me away. The cry erupts from my throat without warning, "no!".

He stops, eyes filled with confusion until he follows my stare to the unmoving form of my saviour. "I see" he murmurs more to himself then anything else, slowly setting me to balance he still trembling turns back to the body, carefully moving toward the slumped body and stoops to lift it. 

"Harry!" the croaked exclamation comes from another and then he is here. My godfather swoops towards me, catching me around the shoulders as I begin to sway. His eyes questioningly falling on his childhood friend who now stands, trembling with exhaustion and the added weight of him. I'm sorry Draco.

The wind tears past, it's whisper sad and soft as it laments the loss of life. Yet we seldom few stand tall, we have met the challenge once again and faced it. Gaining insight into profound wisdom and courage that was beyond comprehension, we had faced the devil himself and came away with knowledge and pain that would scar us all until the day we die.

I know now what it means to be lost to the wind. Thrown into disarray without a hope of gathering yourself together, we are controlled by powers bigger then I can understand. All of us waltzing to the rythm of life.

*****

The skies above are pale and grey, a soft breeze whipping quietly across the ground. Ruffling at the soft green grass, vibrant with colour that seems out of place in this silent place. Rows upon rows of chairs face forwards, my feet seem to carry me effortlessly forwards. I am thankful for this, I don't think I could have managed to do so if it had been left up to my own willpower. The breeze whips at wisps of greying tawny hair, sending it tickling my nose as I force myself to walk respectfully toward the front row, already seated are the faculty, all solemn and silently facing the front as they wait.

It is to start soon I know, I'm surprised that more people haven't shown up yet. But then again, perhaps I place to much faith in the nature of humankind. I turn my head to catch upon a solemn, hunched figure, his messy head of raven black hair a great deal more tame then usual, as though he has tried to make it respectable. He is clothed, as are the others in formal dress robes. Glancing down at my own, slightly shabby pair I find myself reaching the row he sits down.

Without hesitation I walk down the row rather then the seat I am expected to sit at with the rest of the Hogwarts Faculty. He glances up, probably having heard me and stares silently at me, his glasses held in one hand and worn, saddened emerald eyes meet my eyes. "Professor Lupin?" he murmurs out and I shake my head silently, taking a seat beside him. "Remus, Harry" I correct him without a thought.

"They tried to get rid of that mark" he mumbles out at me almost inaudibly. I nod again, "Professor Dumbledore made them leave it" he continues aloud, as though he feels he should speak. "It's okay" I murmur finally and he glances upwards a hint of gratitude lingering in his gaze. "Where are Ron and Hermione?" I question quietly, already knowing the answer that is sure to come. "Ron.. he said he couldn't handle another funeral today, Hermione stayed to look after him."

I can't help the twinge of anger that flares toward the pair. They didn't wish to attend their former rivals funeral, not even for the sake of their best friend. "Where is Sirius?" he speaks up cutting off my train of thought, "he is coming" I reply, barely noticing the tightening of my throat. This was my second funeral of the day as well, the Weasleys had held Bill's own service this morning.

We don't need to look up to know that Sirius has arrived, shuffling past me to sit on Harry's other side. A form of support I suppose, for he is the one who will need it the most. I watch with silence as the last of the small crowd moves in to sit down, the rows upon rows of seats unnecessary. There were barely enough people to fill the first four rows.

I don't know what I expected really, even after the Daily Prophet published his actions on the battlefield people had still been critical of coming to the funeral of a convicted and tried Deatheater's son. Sometimes I think I don't even know myself anymore, for so many years I've fallen further and further away into loss, first from James and Lily, and supposedly Peter, Sirius' supposed betrayal, then the reality of Peter's betrayal. 

Now the loss of someone like me. Someone who was rejected for what they were and not who they were. Someone who wasn't given the chance to show others who he really was, until the very end. Someone who had broken free of conformity and expectations and shone like the brightest star in the sky. For several glorious minutes he became what everyone expected least of him, he became a hero.

I watch as a line of Aurors shuffle in silently, filing down a row and taking their seats. Eyes glued determinedly at the podium set amidst the grass, the service is going to begin soon. I close my eyes briefly, silently rubbing them as Sirius shrugs an arm around his Godson's shoulders.

When I reopen my eyes Albus Dumbledore is standing, silently moving to the front, silence rings through the crowd, the whisper of the wind dancing past tauntingly in my ears as he pauses. "We are here today" he begins, his voice carrying clearly out over the seldom few who have come to pay their respects. "To farewell a student of this school".

The silence is deafening, I could swear that I can hear Dumbledore's words echoing. "Known amongst us all as Draco Malfoy, a boy who throughout his past year at Hogwarts, became a person to be looked upon with the greatest regard. Draco Malfoy was not always the most amiable person, nor was he always the kind person that we always claim people to be when they have passed. But Draco was a role model."

Impressive silence reigned as Dumbledore's words washed over us, his words utter truth and not laced with the usual honey-lathered guards that were put up at such ceremonys. As he stood, his eyes shining with emotions his final words echoed in my ears, never to be forgotten, "lest we ever forget your bravery Draco, you have earned the inspiration of generations to come".

He stood down from the podium and slowly the small populace stood from their seats, my own eyes heavy with unshed tears I bring my hands together in respect. When Dumbledore returns to his seat I step back, allowing Harry's passage past as he makes his way determinedly toward the podium.

No-one speaks, all is once again silent as Sirius draws closer to my side, his hand snaking out to grip my own so tightly it feels as if his grip alone could crush the entire skeleton of my hand. I lift my head silently as Harry steps determinedly up to the microphone, his face set.

"Er.. I wanted to say something" he speaks up slowly, his voice shaking as he stares around at us. Looking for confirmation he takes a deep breath inward, my eyes never once leaving his form as I hear Sirius take a sharp intake of breath. "Draco.. was always my rival" he speaks up finally cutting the intense silence. "From the first time we laid eyes on each other we were competing" he continues, his voice shaking.

"But this year, everything changed. He changed" turning his eyes quietly over the crowd before he continues I feel Sirius' grip tighten. "He - He saved my life" he continues shaking visibly as a tear makes its pathway down his face. "People have always told me how brave I must be - to take on Voldemort. But he, he was braver. He did it volunteerily .. He did it even though he wasn't expected to". He seems to falter, raising a sleeve and brushing away a stray tear carelessly, "he was a rival and a friend. And I will never forget him".

Quickly without another word he moves back towards us, seemingly not hearing the applause that rings out from the hands of the gathered few. I don't seem to take in much more as Snape, as head of Slytherin House makes his quick speech, short and to the point as always. 

People filter forwards, passing their own comments, lost amongst the gentle breeze as my mind reels. On and on through the inescapable maze that is my mind and then we are moving forwards, peering down at the coffin, scribed with the crest of a dragon, and then we are throwing handfuls of dirt in silence as we pass by the final resting place of a mere teenager.

As the soil leaves my hands I can't hold myself together anymore, without warning I'm suddenly braced by Sirius and together we stand, Harry carefully positioned infront of us as they proceed with the end of the ceremony. 

My mind is overcome with a flood of memories and images. Standing outside as the rain beat down on us, soaking us to the very bone. Murmurs of Lions and thunder, carrying the limp boy burning with poison-induced fever. Sympathy, prophecies and then strength. Under a years worth of strained vivid memories flashing in my eyes.

Watching as blow after blow was forced upon you, but nothing was strong enough to break you Draco. Time after time you got back up onto your feet and continued. Nothing, no nothing could scratch upon the dragon.

Nothing could melt away the Pride of Ice.

******

Tomodachi  
from Visions of Escaflowne.

Doushiteru kana anata no koto  
tsumetai kaze ni sukoshi omotta

Eda ni mo tarete hanashita yo ne  
karada ga hiete hi ga ochite mo

Nakidashite shimatta   
watashi o mamoru you ni  
damatte soba ni ite   
kureta ne

Fushigi na sekai sono hitomi ni  
utsushiteru you na sonna kigashita  
akogare dato ka yumemiru koto  
anata ni kitto oshierareta

Hanareba nare ni naru   
sukoshi mae ni tsugeta  
negai   
wasurenai de iru kara

Tooku temo anata ni   
maketaku ha nainda  
itsu made mo futari ha   
RAIBARU

Tayori ha iranai   
daisuki na tomodachi  
dare ni mo iwanai   
ichiban no omoide

Mou ichido aerusa   
daisuki na tomodachi  
wasureru koto nai   
daisuki na tomodachi

(Friends - Visions of Escaflowne)

I wonder how it's been with you?  
In the cold wind,  
I pondered a little bit.

We leaned against a branch and talked, didn't we?  
My body started to chill,  
and as the sun was setting,

I ended up crying.  
And as if to protect me,  
you came and stood silently by my side,  
didn't you?

I felt like  
your eyes reflect  
a wondrous world.  
You taught me  
how to dream  
and long and such.

I told you only a little while ago,  
even if we get torn apart,  
I won't forget  
our dreams, so...

...even though I'm far away from you,  
I don't want to give up.  
Even though we've always been  
rivals.

I don't need to hear any news,  
beloved friend.  
I don't tell anyone else  
my foremost thoughts.

We'll meet once more, right,  
beloved friend.  
I won't forget you,  
beloved friend.

*****

A/n: It's the end, the real..true end. And I apologise a thousand times for taking so damn long. This ficcy is utterly and completely incompliant with OotP. WoOoOhoOo. -glances casually out of the tiny dooflap of her bombshelter- Erm.. Rabid Reviewers Beware o.O;; I've invested in a security guard. -Shoves a Yami Bakura unceremoniously out of the door- yeah.. almost as scary as my muse ^-^;;. Anyway, I hope that was satisfactory. I finally feel that this fic is finished! the first fic that i've actually finished. Geeze, that's scary! I might actually start -gasp- finishing fics. Oh the horror..

Thankyou to all of my faithful reviewers. Your all wonderful, no matter how rabid or positively scary you are ^-^. God it was one hell of a journey. There's nothing else I can say except, Thankyou!

Playlist for this chapter:  
Through her Eyes: Dream Center  
Angel: Sarah McLaughlan  
Black Balloon: The Goo Goo Dolls  
Somewhere Out There: Our Lady Peace  
Streets of Philadelphia: Bruce Springsteen.


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